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If your lone parent is ill

(12 Posts)
livinginaparadise Thu 13-Jan-11 09:48:01

My husband said if one of his parents passes away and the other is left alone and if
his lone parent is ill, he has to look after his parent with his sisters. Is this what people normally do if their lone parent is ill?

Does any know how much roughly it costs if you hire a carer or send your parent to the care centre? Does the lone parent pay for the costs or their sons and daughters pay for this?

Any advice would be grateful.

ajandjjmum Thu 13-Jan-11 09:52:07

I certainly think that within a 'normal' relationship, we should assume a level of responsibility for the care of our parents, although this would have to vary depending upon personal circumstances.

Aside from that, I'd want to make sure my Mum - and actually PIL too - were well looked after, however we arranged it.

fatpantsandgladrags Thu 13-Jan-11 11:36:18

Yes I would think the majority of people would want to make sure their parents were well looked after, and be involved in that care (obviously there are exceptions).

My mum does a lot for her mother (age 90 and housebound)........does her shopping, takes her to hospital appointments, visits her a few times a week etc etc. My grandmother has a cleaner come in once a week and a gardener once a week in the summer which she (grandmother) pays for. During bad spells she also pays for a carer to help her out a couple of times a day.

If she is having a particularly bad spell then my mum stays with her in her house for a few weeks until she is back on an even keel. Fortunately my mum is retired so is able to do this.

I'm sure that I would do the same for either of my parents if and when they need it, circumstances permitting (we live a couple of hours away from them and have 2 DC under 2 at the moment so not feasible for the time being!)

livinginaparadise Thu 13-Jan-11 14:50:31

fatpantsandgladrags, is it common the ill parent pays for a carer like your grandmother?

Rindercella Thu 13-Jan-11 14:54:39

I would say that yes, that is exactly what would normally happen. Elderly person's children would take care of him/her. Of course it would have to be according to ability and circumstance.

I would also like to think that an elderly person would have a choice and would not just be 'sent' to a care home hmm

livinginaparadise Thu 13-Jan-11 15:22:12

I was told a care centre is expensive. I'm a bit confused if care centre means care home.

Is there any free care home for elderly people?

Thank you.

thelastresort Thu 13-Jan-11 16:38:46

My lone parent is in a Care Home as she is very, very disabled and needs 24 hour care, and is not just elderly and infirm.

There are different sorts of Care Homes and different levels of payments.

If a person needs to be in a Care Home and has very little money in savings/or equity in a home (something like £13,000 I think but not entirely sure) then the Social Services will allocate a Care Home and will sort out the payment.

If they are a home-owner they will need to sell it and pay for the care themselves, until their money runs out to the level at which the Social Services step in.

There are more expensive Care Homes. My lone parent is in one of these and paying for it for herself. Once she can no longer afford that home, she will be given help from the Social Services but they will probably move her to a cheaper home.

Hope that helps. It is really quite complicatd and obviously members of the immediate family can help financially, but, for example, my parent's present Care Home fees are £700 a WEEK!!

thelastresort Thu 13-Jan-11 16:42:08

Sorry, I should have added, Social Services do provide a lot of care at home before going into a Care Home becomes necessary, i.e. carers going in twice a day, helping with cleaning etc. Some of these services may be free, some may need to be paid for.

Contact your local Social Services, who will give you all the information you need.

Certainly, in some cases, there can be free help.

livinginaparadise Thu 13-Jan-11 17:32:28

thelastresort, your information was very helpful. Having seen the posts here, it's very likely that a person who needs to be cared pays for the costs herself.

When my husband told me if his lone parent is ill he will have to arrange staying or living with his parent for some time. I asked him how he would be able to look after his parent as he works full time. I said 'Dont people hire a carer?' He said arranging a carer will be something I have to understand which it costs. What I dont understand is his parents owns a home and sometimes go on a holiday abroad so I thought his parent can afford to pay for the costs for any care in the future if it's needed.

livinginaparadise Thu 13-Jan-11 17:44:06

Sorry, I put the post before completing by mistake. My husband said his parents wouldnt expect any financial help then why he thinks he could arranging a carer and expect me to understand. He is a good son. But I thought parents in this country dont expect any financial help from their children.

BooBooGlass Thu 13-Jan-11 17:46:07

Maybe because he loves them? hmm

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo Thu 13-Jan-11 17:49:22

living i dont know where you got teh information from that parenst in this country dont expect help. but it isa generalisation.

there si no hard and fast rule. if a parents can't afford the care then yes i think it is reasonable for their children to help out where possible. if tehre is noone that can help then it will come down to what benefits the elderly person is entitled to.

i have to say, it does come acrossa s though you would be begrudging your inlaws any assistance with their care if tehy wer to become ill.

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