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help, delicate money question: taking dd's friend on holiday

(28 Posts)
Steamroller Wed 12-Aug-09 19:52:20

we have invited dd's best mate to come on holiday with us for a few days , we are staying in a cottage. Taking the other girl won't cost us anything because we've paid for the cottage anyway and she will have spare bed in dd's room. We won't be doing activities or at least not anything we have to pay for. If the girl's mum asks us if she can pay us anything, or just gives us some money, what should we do? A little extra would be welcome, blushbut then again we don't want to seem money-grabbing grin. What SHOULD we do? I'd like to avoid an embarrassing scene with us saying 'oh no it's alright' and her saying 'oh yes I insist' and then if she does insist are we supposed to give in. or not? And then how much is right, and how much is too much?? Help! blush

CybilLiberty Wed 12-Aug-09 19:54:05

Why not say 'Oh just some pocket money for her to spend in the shops' then you aren't stuck getting thigs like that.

I suppose eating out with her could cost you more? I would hope the parent might offer a bit towards that but if not, it's no big deal.

Steamroller Wed 12-Aug-09 20:26:45

If it was MY dd going with THEM I would definitely want to offer some money but I wouldnt be sure how much and would be worried that they'd be offended if it wasn't enough. Or think I was mental if it was too much

AnyFucker Wed 12-Aug-09 20:33:33

I would definitely offer some spends if this was my dd, £20-£50 for treats etc depending on what sort of holiday it is

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't ask but would gratefully accept anything up to £50

Podrick Wed 12-Aug-09 20:37:29

I think it is wrong to ask but if offered you can accept like Cybil suugests, but I would say a max of £30 contribution - basically the extra costs of food and entertainments only

Steamroller Wed 12-Aug-09 20:37:56

£50 AF? That would be great. We could take them out for tea - one less meal to cook! Tell you what, would your dd like to come as well ? grin!

DottyDot Wed 12-Aug-09 20:44:36

I'd just say pocket money for ice creams would be good - wouldn't expect her to arrive with any more than £10 though if it's for a few days!

onepieceoflollipop Wed 12-Aug-09 20:48:05

Off the top of my head I would say around £10-£20 would be a fair amount to send her with, but then in your position I wouldn't be specifying an amount.

If my dd was going on holiday with another family, I might not contribute a big amount as such, but I would make sure to kind of make up for it before and after, e.g perhaps take the other child for a few treats, such as pizza or cinema after the holiday. If you are on similar wavelength to the other family imo it may well balance out in the end.

Realistically I am sure the child will have some pocket money, even if it is just for icecreams/tat it will ease your budget a tiny amount.

kormachameleon Wed 12-Aug-09 20:52:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skedaddle Wed 12-Aug-09 20:52:41

My son went away with his friend for 4 days - I sent a bottle of wine, a homebaked cake and a book for each child and gave him £20 in an envelope.

Didn't know how much to offer really. The £20 came back with him grin !

HuwEdwards Wed 12-Aug-09 20:53:45

how old are the DDs?

Quattrocento Wed 12-Aug-09 21:00:51

I don't know - this is a tough one really. FWIW we took a friend of DD's on holiday last year. Similar to your arrangements, it was a villa rental. We paid for the flights, all spending money, meals out and trips etc. No offer of money (we would have accepted the money for the flight - indeed the deal was that they were supposed to pay for it) and not even a thank you card...

Maybe just wait and see what is offered and then accept whatever you think is reasonable. They won't offer something that they can't afford.

Podrick Wed 12-Aug-09 21:02:55

Did the friend enjoy the holiday Quattro?

Quattrocento Wed 12-Aug-09 21:04:58

She seemed to have a thoroughly good time. In and out of the pool, in the sea, only one art gallery all week, riding etc. Talked nonstop. Nice girl really. Slightly surprised at no card.

Podrick Wed 12-Aug-09 21:13:40


Podrick Wed 12-Aug-09 21:14:36

would you do the same thing again do you think?

foxinsocks Wed 12-Aug-09 21:16:27

we took one of dd's friends away with us. My goodness, she was such a pleasure and we got a lovely thank you letter afterwards .

I was so impressed. My two didn't even fight the whole holiday because she is the sort of friend that doesn't antagonise the younger sibs (iykwim!).

We didn't ask for any money and they didn't offer but they do take dd out a lot and have her overnight and took her to the theatre etc.

AnyFucker Wed 12-Aug-09 21:17:22

steamroller, would you like to take my two kids on holiday and I will happily give you a hundred quid !! wink

Quattrocento Wed 12-Aug-09 21:23:12

Yes in principle - but it depends on the way in which the children interact. Some of their friends would just not be invited because they don't mix particularly well with adults, or might exclude the other child (we've got two children) or whatever. Also everyone plays tennis and swims. A lot. So a child who struggled with those might feel left out so we would probably not invite

The money issue really is an awkward complication though. So I sympathise.

Podrick Thu 13-Aug-09 19:52:39

I have an only so I am quite likely to ask another child along on hols in the future - interesting thread!

AnyFucker Thu 13-Aug-09 20:40:09

podrick, can I interest you in my two ??

they are very clean...

I will give you a hundred quid grin

Portofino Fri 14-Aug-09 09:58:50

LOL AnyFucker grin

For a few days I'd say 20 - 30 quid? Depends on how old she is....

I also have only and like Podrick expect to do this in the future too. I'm rather hoping for some reciprocal agreements....wink

3littlefrogs Fri 14-Aug-09 10:05:42

We have taken "friends" on holiday many times, and our dcs have gone with other families. We always pay for their travel, give a reasonable contribution for food, and send them with spending money. The amount of spending money is agreed to be the same as the parents will give the other dc.

TBH, if you know someone well enough to trust them with your dc, you should be able to have a frank discussion about money. IMO.

fatjac Fri 14-Aug-09 10:27:36

My DS age 11 went on holiday with his friends family this year for a week. I gave them £100 a few weeks before as the mum had mentioned she would be taking most of the food with them. She didn't want to accept it and we did have a few minutes of passing the envelope back and forward, but finally she took it. DS also took about £40 of his own money (mainly given by grandparents) to spend as he wished.

I did agonise over how much to give. Too little and you look mean. Too much and it looks like showing off. They seemed to do loads of trips and activities while they were away. I have no idea if they normally do this or if they used the extra money to fund this. Either way both boys had a great time.

cat64 Fri 14-Aug-09 10:44:01

Message withdrawn

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