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Family dilemma, your opinions please

(26 Posts)
Flum Thu 31-Jul-08 23:15:25

DH has been offered at short notice a FREE fishing trip to Russia - AMAZING fly fishing, the best in the world.

But......... it is in two weeks time and overlaps when we are going on a family holiday, two days in Holland to see my parents and brothers family (over from Japan for only 2 weeks) and then to Spain to meet friends for a week. We also have a week in a camper van booked after that. Soooo nice long family holiday planned.

The fishing trip would only cost a bit in flights but our flights for original trip already booked and paid, no refunds.

If he goes we (he mainly) risk alienating my parents a bit as they do not understand his love (obsession) of fishing AND he missed our joint family holiday last year due to work. Basically due to unlucky timing he often cannot come to stuff with my folks, not sure how much that bothers them, they do really like him.

Also we have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old and I will be 7 months pregnant, so would mean me taking 2 flights on my own with the kids, luggage etc.

What should we do..... should I send him off to Russia with my blessing. It is the CHANCE OF A LIFETIME, or should we stick to our plan and not rock the boat.

My opinion ...... well I want to want him to go but in my heart I really want to start our family holiday together. He would only miss 3-4 days, but all the in laws time would be missed.

Oh Dear, poor DH he so desperately wants to go, should I gracefully give my blessing. He will only go, if I actively support it, otherwise he will stick with the family thing and hope to be able to afford this type of fishing one day.....

Flum Thu 31-Jul-08 23:20:07

I know its not earth shattering but........

llareggub Thu 31-Jul-08 23:20:38

I think I'd rather go fly fishing in Russia than spend time with DH's brother and family, and I hate fly-fishing.

Sorry, tough one. What are his views?

petetong Thu 31-Jul-08 23:21:03

He must go with you to your parents. We all make sacrifices for our other halfs. He should put you first on this occassion.

KatyMac Thu 31-Jul-08 23:21:46

I think he should chose not to go

Earlybird Thu 31-Jul-08 23:21:47

If he stays with you, will he sulk?

farrowandball Thu 31-Jul-08 23:23:42

he should absolutely go. once in a life time and so on. i'd absolutely expect my parents to understand and step up. imagine if the roles were reversed...

Tinker Thu 31-Jul-08 23:24:28

How often does he see his in-laws? My head says he must go with you esp since he missed holiday last year but when read will only miss 3-4 days...will he sulk a bit if doesn't go? That's not relevant to decision, just wondering about any awkwardness afterwards. I think I'd be inclined to say go to Russia but I would remind him constantly of how magnanimous I'd been grin

stealthsquiggle Thu 31-Jul-08 23:25:27

Unless there is someone else who could fly with you I think he needs to stay with you - the 2 flights whilst 7mths pregnant with 2 small children would be a nightmare.

Lovely that you basically want him to be able to go - good for you, it speaks volumes about you both.

Flum Thu 31-Jul-08 23:30:23

He has chosen not to go so far, but the opportunity is still available. I want to give my blessing, but something holding me back. He does do a lot of good fun boy stuff anyway, cricket every saturday etc.

His view is he thinks he should stick with the original plan, he is very diplomatic and doesn't want to offend my folks, or leave me in the lurch. But that does not stop him still wanting to go in HIS heart.

The trip is available free as the other blokes wife is expecting a baby due date this Monday coming and it has not come yet. I get the impression she is ok for him to go if new babe is week or so old, but not for him to miss the birth. Very reasonable of her really I think.

Flum Thu 31-Jul-08 23:34:03

We see his folks quite alot, they are lovely. Mine are too, but my Mum can be a bit of a nag.

He definately would NOT sulk if he doesn't go, he will swiftly move on. He is GREAT like that.

I would be very popular if I pushed him to go of course, but am anyway wink. My Mum would be a bit tough, she would think he should have come with me. That is just her being protective of her daughter though I think. I want to put him first though as he is my husband and that ranks above parents doesn't it?

Fimbo Thu 31-Jul-08 23:40:32

I don't think he should go, especially as you are 7 months pregnant.

<<sorry Mr Flum>>

Flum Thu 31-Jul-08 23:46:16

He is in hysterics about TRIAL BY MUMSNET.

Thinks you are all very level headed and can't relate you the the crazy AIBU threads I sometimes tell him about. When he raises his eyes to heaven about this crazy site.

Fimbo Thu 31-Jul-08 23:49:22

<<bangs gavel>>

Next case please.

If it wasn't for you been 7months pregnant then I'd think let him go. But it will be a nighmare for you travelling wouldn't it? How on earth could you push a trolley full of luggage and keep control of 2 toddlers. What if one legs it, needs the loo, etc?

BrownSuga Thu 31-Jul-08 23:51:32

If you think you can manage on your own getting yourself where you're going with kids, let the fishing commence. After all it's not every day an opportunity like that comes up.

ScummyMummy Thu 31-Jul-08 23:53:46

he shouldn't go but you shouldn't have be the one to put the kybosh on it.

Flum Fri 01-Aug-08 00:03:55

DH he thinks your comment very fair. He plans not to go. I have just spoken to my mum about it. She is just like ' as long as you are ok with it dahhhhling, we are fine with it too '

Flum Fri 01-Aug-08 00:12:05

I've had half a glass of wine and I'm full of gung ho optimism. I want him to go, he would be like a kid in a candy store I kdi you not.

He would be soooooooo happy.

Not sure if that would translate to him doing the early morning drinks run but.....

Flum Fri 01-Aug-08 00:30:04

Given him the ok in very positive way. He is v. chuffed, but wants us both to sleep on it.

Cool with the whole thing, will not be looking forward to arriving in Barcelona at 11.30pm and picking up hire car, but used to be a holiday rep so how hard could it be. Spain week is with 12 mates and 7 other kids so as soon as I get to each place will have LOADS of help. Hoorah, decided.

Of course other fellas wife could still have baby, over weekend and he could still go so may be a moot point after all. I still get the brownie points from Mr Flum though eh wink

gingerinosister Fri 01-Aug-08 00:57:30

i am coming from a different outlook.
I lost my dh 2wks ago. I flew with my 4 dds to visit my sis this wk. flying for the first time with four including 6yr old twins. no joke not easy.
The greiving side of me would say 'i wish i had a choice and had my dh with me'
On the other hand when my dh was alive he came home from work one day with stiches on his hand, and asked, that now he could not work for a wk was it ok to go to a gig in Holland some friends were going to. This i left him off to.
At the end of the day you wil make the choice that is right for you. Dont be influenced by family and friends. You and your husband will do what is right for you. Oh god what is happening to me i sound so cheesey

dinkystinky Fri 01-Aug-08 09:49:46

Good on you flum for letting him go. Put your 4 year old in charge of looking after thge toddler distraction rucksack/bag and 2 year old in reins and am sure you'll be fine and your folks and friends will be there at the other side to help (if you're really worried about arriving and driving with hire car at 11.30pm could one of your friends come to meet you at the airport to help you pick up the car and drive to the place you're staying at)?

WideWebWitch Fri 01-Aug-08 09:55:04

Well, if this were my dh I'd say he could go. Because:

a) it would make him really happy and I want him to be happy
b) it's an amazing offer, free, something he really loves etc
c) so what if he doesn't see your parents, you'll still have a lovely time, so will the children, so will he
d) I think you have to find a way of getting some help on the flight though, I don't know how but how long is it? I think you need strategies for getting through that alone
e) it's only 3-4 days
f) sod what your parents think, it's YOUR marriage

So I say let him go. Absolutely.

solidgoldbrass Fri 01-Aug-08 09:58:22

I'd say let him go as well because it's nice to be able to do soemthing you really want to do - and it does mean that the next time something nice comes up for you then you will have an obliging DP who will be happy for you to go and do it.

Flum Tue 05-Aug-08 12:25:14

Ok issue CLOSED. Many thanks for all your lovely opinions.

I did give him my blessing to go and walked roudn with a warm feeling for a day because I felt like such a wonderful benefactor.

But...... the other blokes wife had her baby on Friday morning and FAIRPLAY to her, she is letting him go fishing in Russia only 1 week later! So DH is coming with us, which we are all chuffed about and he doesn't feel he is missing out on anything because there isn't an empty rod going unused.

Thank you all. Byeeeeeee.

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