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how to say no to someone without hurting them?

(6 Posts)
bubblepop Mon 20-Aug-07 14:59:47

sil wants to take my eldest two ds aged 10 and 7 on a short caravaning break. me and dh feel that theres absolutlely no way they should go.

she has no interest in them atall, she just wants to take them so that her ds aged 7 will be entertained and occupied.

i would be worried sick because, two of them always go off together leaving my youngest ds out. she lets her's roam around the camp whereby i would'nt let them far out of my sight.there is deep and fast moving water nearby,i feel it would be too risky to leave them to their own devices.

lastly, she's the most selfish person i know and i don't really like her that much. she shows no love or affection for her own two, simply spends all her time complaining about her kids and her life in general.her dh is quite ignorant and has'nt really spoken much to me in the last 20 yrs for no reason i can think of .except that he can't be bothered im not leting them go, definately not! so what shall i say to politely decline without causing a big stink?

greenday Mon 20-Aug-07 15:11:58

What about making up something? Unfortunately, I really don't think any type of explanation would not cause any offence, no matter how gently and tactly put.

Perhaps a last minute illness - one of your DC not feeling well, so not put to trip? Or a promised stay-over at your DC's friend's house?

Tups Mon 20-Aug-07 15:17:34

tell her that you are busy and have planned trips out for the last weeks in the summer holidays to get out of it.
Failing that be as harsh as you like and tell her how selfish she is and how you don't trust her but then I think that may cause a little rift lol!!!!
Lie lie lie all the way, but if you take your ds x 2 out for a couple of trips then really you are not telling a lie!!!!!!

luckylady74 Mon 20-Aug-07 15:27:44

how about you've booked holiday club / tennis lessons / whatever with a big deposit and your ds are mad to do that or you've arranged to stay with your mum/ sibling/ whoever already - or even something more exciting - if you can afford it do something like take them away yourself - legolannd/ wales - what ever springs to mind.

FLIER Mon 20-Aug-07 15:43:33

tell her that you promised your ds's a trip to somewhere, or that they are going on a pre-arranged trip with friends.
Don't embellish or elaborate too much, though, cos you'll get found out!. Be as vague as possible.

Isababel Mon 20-Aug-07 15:48:56

Agree about saying that you have promised them another trip and would like to concentrate on that one.

TBH I think the children will be OK and safe (at 7 and 10 I expect they should know not to go far, get into trouble, more so if you have always been like this with them). But if you are not happy with your sister taking them, there's no point. Tell her that you had been planning another trip for ages and would like them to concentrate in it for the time being. After all, there are just 10 days before the term starts and afterwards, holiday time gets quite reduced.

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