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I am so arsing well FED UP, I have got ANOTHER cultivation order, come here and tell me why I shouldn't pack it all in

(33 Posts)
Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 14:40:40

3 weeks ago my allotment was lovely, all pruned and trimmed with nascent pumpkins and strawberries and tomatoes and suchlike poking through the freshly turned soil

NOW, despite industrial applications of nemaslug, a slug pub, and even a bloody POND, there are NO plants, and we have an effing cultivation order.

To be fair, it is looking a little overgrown, given that the last month has consisted of alternating torrential rain-blazing sunshine-torrential rain-blazing sunshine, but ffs.

I am very very grumpy and just want to pack it all in really. I have tried SO BLOODY HARD with it.

There are also loads of potatoes and fruit bushes and fruit trees and flowers and so forth but the potatoes aren't really up yet and apparently fruit tress and flowers "don't count" hmm (they are edible flowers so not sure why not really)


motherhurdicure Wed 09-Jul-08 15:04:04

Message withdrawn

TheFallenMadonna Wed 09-Jul-08 15:05:25

I don't think they do those at our allotments. Because otherwise we'd have seen it!!

Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 15:06:02

I am actually quite well

but feeling
most put out

I am mainly peed off because I am trying to garden organically with 3 kids under 5 and my plot with its nice shed is being very clearly eyed up by all the old fogeys who LIVE up there

AND I was thrown out of a yarn shop last week


Hangingbellyofbabylon Wed 09-Jul-08 15:12:05

Jeez, what's a cultivation order? is it where the old folk come and tell you off about the state of your allotment? We have had our plot since feb and it's an ongoing battle against couch grass etc but so far we haven't heard anything from the 'inspectorate' - I think we're lucky cos our neighbour Ray is on the committee and when he first started a few years back they were really quick to send out arsey letters to newbies but he joined the committee and got them to chill out a bit. I have to say the bit about fruit trees and flowers not counting is surreal , it must be a kind of uber-alloment. Hang in there and prove the old buggers wrong. I know how disheartening it is though - we've lost 3 attemps at carrots to slugs so far but the last lot we grew in drain pipes and transferred and they seem to be hanging in there.

Hangingbellyofbabylon Wed 09-Jul-08 15:13:52

I know where you are with the added challenge of trying to grow organically and having little ones - the sight of our 2 year old and 3 year old playing in the horse manure and generally 'harvesting' things before ready makes the old folk shudder..

Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 15:14:33

ah this is the council

they come round quite a lot and take photos and send you grumpy letters

our allotment committee IS very corrupt, of course (it wouldn't be any fun otherwise smile) but it isn't actually their fault.

Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 15:15:26

it just seems to be IMPOSSIBLE to grow ANYTHING


Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 15:16:24

I should also point out that its not like there is a waiting list for the plots, so this extreme diligence is perhaps a little misplaced.

SheherazadetheGoat Wed 09-Jul-08 15:17:08

slug pellets you have to nuke the fuckers, there is no other way. even my complimentary planting bil had to give up and nuke 'em.

plant some peas etc now.

why on earth were you thrown out of a yarn shop?

choccypig Wed 09-Jul-08 15:17:51

I (and a lot of others on my allotments) get these snotty letters every so often. It is annoying, when you are doing your best, but usually they have a point, in that my allotment has large trees (inherited), with grass and flowers underneath, and the raspberries are a bit weedy etc.

What I do is send them back an assertive letter, along the lines of: (delete as appropriate)
I appreciate the plot is looking a bit weedy/overgrown/grassy/untidy at the moment, but I have been ill/changed jobs/moved house/sick child/sick parents. Also the weather has been too dry/too wet/too cold/too hot for the time of year. I will improve over the next few months because parent has died/I've reduced my hours/been sacked/I'm feeling better now/I've had the operation/my MIL has died.

I also give them an outline of my plans: eg. I intend to clear the weeds /raspberries /blackberries and replant with triffids/winter wheat/goodseberry bushes etc. I'm careful to always say I plan to... not I WILL, so they can't accuse me of lying next year when it all comes round again.

One of my fellow allotment holders had a great time last year, sending them a list of all the prizes he won in the flower and produce show (honest, he had actually won the TROPHY for most points.)

Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 15:24:26

choccy that is useful

last time i got one of these bastards i went on to harvest enough potatoes, tomatoes, courgettes and so forth to keep us in veg for about 3 months.

All that has really happened is that I have a small baby and haven't been up there so much. I AM keeping it ticking over til next year, i fully accept that, but given I have had it for 8 years and have done a LOT to it, I think a bit of leeway would be nice, aaargh. Right will write.

ooooh long story re yarn shop. i need to work out how to phrase it to make clear my utter, utter rightness.

choccypig Wed 09-Jul-08 15:29:37

Conratulations on the New Baby.
It has to be the best excuse reason of all. I'll add it to my automatic anti-cultivation order generator.
Good luck with the jobsworths at the council.

SheherazadetheGoat Wed 09-Jul-08 15:32:44

utterly intrigued re. yarn shop asbo.

Fillyjonk Wed 09-Jul-08 16:03:34

ok that is it goat I am changing my name

SheherazadetheGoat Wed 09-Jul-08 16:04:48

don't do that i love your name. found any good moomin patterns yet?

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Wed 09-Jul-08 16:06:02


It is not often my life is so exciting

SheherazadetheGoat Wed 09-Jul-08 16:08:06

snigger,now post about the incident. i am off ot get dd.

oggsfrog Wed 09-Jul-08 16:13:20


(as a newly self-taught knitter I am desperate to know how you get thrown out of a yarn shop smile)

Lauriefairycake Wed 09-Jul-08 16:18:06

sending sympathies.

We got allocated an allotment two months ago and we're still waiting for them to clear it - think 15 foot high bushes/3 trees and grass. We said we couldn't possibly clear it or afford the 3 skips it would take to get it cleared.

Hoping there is still stuff to plant in September when I eventually get it hmm

After reading this thread I realised how blisteringly naive I am - I have been collecting egg shells for three months to frighten slugs blush

ilovemydog Wed 09-Jul-08 16:19:16

Grrrr - hate council type job worths!

I'm really scared now. Am about to take on an allotment! I am not experienced and if someone like yourself, clearly experienced is getting cultivation orders, what hope do the rest of us have?

motherhurdicure Wed 09-Jul-08 16:19:47

Message withdrawn

MARGOsBeenPlayingWithMyNooNoo Wed 09-Jul-08 16:27:36

<waits for yarn shop tale>

<drums fingers impatiently>

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Thu 10-Jul-08 09:21:31

oh i need to formulate the tale first

it did involve a small child but he was being bloody angelic (not often I can say that but he was)

The trip to the yarn shop was a long awaited treat for him learning to knit

And he was shouted at for touching yarn (not chucking it on the floor, not wiping dirty hands on it, but feeling it gently to make sure that it was sufficiently soft to make a scarf (hmm but anyway) for his baby sister.

oh I am his mother and I am biased but fgs angry angry. I was actually quite reasonable and attenpted, as patronisingly as possible to show her the error of her ways but the fact is she shouted at a young knitter for touching a £2 ball of yarn.

My current plan is to open the Best Yarn Shop In The World, next door, and drive her out of business.

(I WAS warned btw not to go there, she has a vile reputation, esp around beginners, kids and scruffy people, but I paid no heed, aargh)

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO Thu 10-Jul-08 09:24:40

lol at civil servants

my dad is a civil servant and from what i can work out spend most of his time at work planning his garden

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