Parents evening shock tonight!

[Mincepiedout]

DS is 17, first year A levels. He's taken maths, chemistry and biology after excellent results at GCSE. He flew his GCSEs confidently with little work and was quite cocky about it all too!

DH and I went to his first parents evening at 6th form today to be told from each of his tutors in every subject that he's simply not working hard enough. He fails every topic test first time, revises like hell and passes the resign with no problem. He does the bare minimum of work outside of school preferring to lay on his bed watching YouTube videos or playing the Xbox.
I had the feeling he wasn't doing much work in the evenings but whenever he's pulled up on it I'm told I don't know what I'm talking about but tonight it's been confirmed if he doesn't pull his socks up he'll leave school wit his 3 poor a level results.
He has no direction which doesn't help, he's not sure he wants to go to uni, he's doesn't know what job he wants to do either. He has no idea of the real world at all, he's going to have a shock when he gets out there.
Any ideas how I can manage the situation? He's a strapping 6ft lad who I can't physically make work, anyone have any advice so we can turn this around before he wastes the next few years?

[Astronotus]

Lots of children dip when they go into the first term of sixth form. They have to work really hard in year 12 and your son has chosen some of the toughest subjects, especially Chemistry. He may be 6ft but you and your DH need to sit and have a long talk with him, with no distractions. Turn off the broadband first if you have to. He needs to start researching what interests him, look at apprenticeships as well as uni, not everyone is suitable for uni. He is not engaging with his school work, go back to the school and ask for extra support. Start a family habit on the weekend, running, gym, walks but do it all together, you all need to spend more time talking generally.

[midgebabe]

It's a hard adjustment and after all the gcse hype/excitement and growing up, it's easy for them to go astray. Since he doesn't know what he wants to do, he needs reminding that he should try and keep options open which means yet more hard work...or if GCSEs were a doddle, it might just be that hard work is a new thing, which can be a big shock. Better now than later. Practically, All privledges in our house were linked to getting good feedback from school...in the real world no hard work means no cash. Also I did encourage exercise

[NewMum17]

Hopefully your feedback or him being there with you will be enough to give himself a shock. You need to speak to him and explain the importance of A levels despite not knowing what he wants to do at uni or whether he wants to go.
Everyone tends to dip as mentioned because they are so much tougher. I also stupidly chose Spanish over French as I got a better GCSE grade but hated it, so failed at AS.
You need to enjoy your A levels as they are very time consuming. If that's not the case, perhaps he gets a tutor or a study group together. Oh also make sure he starts using his study periods in his timetable to actually study or do homework. And you're gonna have to get him to create some sort of timetable to revise at home.
But I would get the teachers on board and ask him to approach them if he doesn't understand something or ask for book recommendations. Hang in there because usually at this point is where everyone thinks sh** I need to pull my socks up! Good luck!

[TheFrendo]

Was he closer to 7, A, B than 9, A,A with his GCSE results for these subjects?

[TheFrendo]

I ask because in maths, you could get nearly half the questions and still be awarded a 7 (Edexcel give a 7 for 124/240, 8 for 157/240 & 9 for 190/240.

In AQA chemistry a B could be obtained with about half marks, an A with ~68%.

There is still plenty of scope for not knowing basic subject matter and still getting a decent grade.

[BackforGood]

I think it has been quite common for able mathematicians to cruise through their GCSEs without breaking a sweat, and then finding A Levels a different matter altogether. Trouble being, in many cases they just haven't learned how to work, and how to apply themselves. They don't have the self discipline as all their lives they've been told they need to settle down and work hard but their experience tells them you can play on the x box all evening and still get great results.

What he needs to see is that actually, this is a different ball game. In some ways, the failing assessments and the staff saying this in front of you might hit home, but I doubt it as he has realised now he can 'ram' before a test and 'do enough' to pass.
Ideally you need to to see for himself. If you go down the route of turning off the wi fi etc (aside from inconveniencing everyone else in the house, and the issue a lot of the work is done on line anyhow), he still isn't taking control himself, so it will probably still be the same problem at the next stage.
I'd try to help him see how, if he works these hours on these days (don't forget he will have study periods at school),, then he still gets 'n' hours to do as he pleases (eg x box), but he needs to be honest with himself how long he is spending..... keep talking , suggesting , etc (he'll call it nagging), but at the end of the day, he needs to decide for himself.

[TheFrendo]

Post above was supposed to read than 9, A,A

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Don't turn the wifi off. He's 17 not 7. Talk to him adult to adult not at him like a child.
If he messes up he's only himself to blame, let him be responsible for himself.

[NoWayInn]

I presume he was with you at the meeting? It's not unusual to find a dip at 6th form. A few years ago they did AS levels and many kids with good GCSEs failed them and had to re-sit. School is on the ball tackling under performance when there is plenty of time to address it.
He may well be embarrassed about it. I agree about treating him like an adult (only on MN is turning off the wifi the answer to everything ).
Ask him why he thinks his performance has dipped. Ask him to come up with a plan to improve. Keep your eye on his topic tests.

[BitOutOfPractice]

I think the step up from GCSE to A level is a massive shock for a lot of students, especially the ones who have been able to cruise through GCSEs with little effort

I find it very odd though that this is the first you've heard about it

Did he change schools?
Did you have a "settling in" parents evening?

[simbobs]

I could have written this. You are not alone.

[Mincepiedout]

His grades were A* for maths, numeracy, finance. A in core science, B in further and additional science (I think).

He's getting really difficult to talk to without getting a cheeky answer about how he'll be fine and to leave him alone. I don't want to turn the wifi off as yes, it does inconvenience everyone else and I also think he should be able to manage his own time and study at 17 years old.

He's not appearing to do much work still despite being close to tears at the parents evening - he was like a lamb in front of his teachers but the following day he was back to normal, on the Xbox all evening.

He's clever - he's never shown any effort to get a part time job to help towards the driving lessons he's being given. He says his studies and subjects are too demanding to work around A levels but he seems to be able to waste hours shouting on the Xbox with his friends. I'm so frustrated at him at the moment, he speaks to me like dirt too.

I'm considering telling him if he does badly next august that he's not to sit year two as it will be a waste. He can leave and get a job or apprenticeship etc. He's just taking the mickey at the moment.

[Mincepiedout]

I should add we are in wales so are still under the old a-e marking system.

[borntobequiet]

These lads (and they are mostly lads) who have cruised through GCSEs without really making an effort inevitably encounter difficulties at A level. I've taught and mentored many of them. Generally either a) they realise what's happening, develop study skills, work hard and succeed or b) they can't cope and abandon A levels. Occasionally c) they try to keep going without making changes - often because parents insist they carry on regardless - but it doesn't end well. Really, it's a character/maturity thing.
The crunch time is generally Spring half term in Y12. If at that point your DS can't up his game, he won't succeed. Currently he's clearly in denial about the issues, but you can still give him time.

[Mincepiedout]

Thanks for your reply, I feel so helpless at the moment. I'm being told by family members I'm not parenting him properly as he's being allowed to spend too much time online. If he fails it will be my fault for not cracking down on him. At this age I can't really, he's not a little boy any more. He needs to grow up so much.

[BitOutOfPractice]

You know you can remove his access to WiFi without switching it off completely for everyone don't you?

What a shame that last night hadn't changed his attitude at all

[TheFrendo]

Achieving a B on the further/additional part is not ideal for doing A level Chemistry & Biology. Students with B grades at GCSE in science generally do not do very well at A level. He is going to have to work hard.

Would he prefer to get a job instead of studying now?

[Mmmmmmmchips]

It is a big jump from GCSEs to ALevels. Have you tried going through his homework and possibly making a plan/timetable with him leading?

[Mincepiedout]

He doesn’t want a job, he wants to stay on his course as he knows (thinks) it’s the easier option. He’s got no self confidence to get a job. I just don’t know what to do.

[abbsisspartacus]

Shut of the Wi-Fi for his devices change the password

[LoniceraJaponica]

"Don't turn the wifi off. He's 17 not 7. Talk to him adult to adult not at him like a child.
If he messes up he's only himself to blame, let him be responsible for himself."

MaidenMotherCrone that doesn't always work
Not all 17 year olds are emotionally mature enough to do this without a bit more encouragement. He is 17, not 25.

Why would a parent set their child up to fail? Depending on what he wants to do A level retakes aren't an option in many cases.

[QuiteLikeable]

I don't think you 'need' self-confidence to get a job. You realise you need money, you get a job through necessity and then the job builds your confidence. It sounds like he's getting a seriously easy ride.

I'm sorry, I don't have teenagers yet so I don't know how I'll tackle this when it's my turn. Rubbish post really, sorry!

[LoniceraJaponica]

I think you do at 17. DD has zero self confidence. She also suffers extremely from fatigue so I am encouraging her to get a job just yet as she is in the final year of A levels and needs good grades for what she wants to do. She does, however, have two volunteering jobs, and will work during her gap year.

[BitOutOfPractice]

He can't have it both ways - not working at school and not getting a job...

[LoniceraJaponica]

Just reread my post. I am not encouraging DD to get a job until after her A levels, as with studying and her 2 volunteering posts she has enough on her plate.