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DD 16 autistic, clever, not doing anything. What do I do?

(6 Posts)
PomonaPalace Sat 04-Nov-17 23:56:32

I don’t really know where to start but I don’t want to drip feed. We’ve had a horrendous few years with DD, diagnosed with autism, anxiety, depression and OCD. We are under CAMHS. DD refused school for two years and eventually had LEA funded tutoring and passed GCSEs with A’s, tutor said brightest child he had ever taught.

This was a hard slog as DD very much has to dictate everything she does and kept wanting to drop out of tutoring. We had hoped she would want to go to college but she has visited a few and refused saying it feels like school and she is scared of being around people her age again (she does have friends but mostly slightly older). She does want to do a levels but only if she can do them at home but the price of the courses are too much for us and we don’t qualify for any funding (I’ve looked into it).

I’m struggling now as she’s at home most of the time, playing online games and sleeping all day as she says there’s no reason to get up. Her friends are either studying or working but she’s too anxious and depressed to get a job (she does get PIP).

She said she might be able to cope with evening classes for a levels but I can’t find any that would take a 16 year old. Despite all her difficulties she very much wants to go to university one day and thinks she would cope better in a more diverse environment. I love her very much but I’m frustrated to see her brain going to waste and don’t know if I should just not say anything or try to encourage her to consider something to get her out the house. We have seen various advisors who have offered courses but she won’t consider them. The last few years have been so hard for us all and I can’t seem to see a way ahead for her.

BrandNewHouse Sun 05-Nov-17 00:00:49

Have you asked her to research and come up with A Plan that she feels comfortable that gets her to University?

Payfrozen Sun 05-Nov-17 00:09:26

Have a look at the Interhigh website. It's an online school. Lessons run in the mornings. Students log in and they can see teacher and join in lesson or just interact with teacher.
Your LEA may pay fees given her difficulties.
I almost applied for a place for DD who hated school last year they were very helpful.
Good luck

Indigo90 Sun 05-Nov-17 00:10:31

It's hard isn't it. I too have an autistic child who resolutely underachieves, though he managed to stay in (a special) school to age 18.

Could you look at taking the long view. IME autistic children need more time to mature than neurotypical children, they get there, but a few years later. It does not really matter if your D does her A levels now or in two years time. For example, my DC is currently studying at college very part time for a Higher Diploma 2 year qualification in a tech subject. He is the oldest in his class by about 3 years but it seems to be working and he is going to college with no additional support at all which would have been unthinkable even two years ago.

TBH if your DD will not be eligible to do A levels at evening school until she is 18, I'd look at getting her some work experience. My DS worked part time for a while in an Oxfam book shop and it was a great environment for him. Many of the charities offer volunteering work for people with additional needs and it gives friends and something to do out of the house as well as a feeling of achievement. If not that, does she like animals - could she assist a dog walker for example.

PomonaPalace Sun 05-Nov-17 00:22:33

Thank you so much for replying. BrandNewHouse I haven’t actually tried that, I’ve just suggested things and been rejected. I will give it a try.
Payfrozen we looked at Interhigh for GCSEs and even paid the small deposit to secure the place before she decided she would do the tutoring. Again it’s the expense but we might be able to borrow money. LEA wouldn’t fund us for GCSEs, they don’t do it here.

PomonaPalace Sun 05-Nov-17 00:25:57

Oops, pressed too soon. I’ve had to put a lot of work on hold over the last few years to be at home to deal with her, especially in the mornings and now am trying to build it back up.

Indigo90 that’s great that your DS is studying and working. I really think some work/life experience would do her good but she panics at the thought. I’ll talk to her about volunteering. She loves animals.

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