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DD17 wishes to withdraw her Oxford application .

(12 Posts)
HoofWankingSpangleCunt Wed 18-Oct-17 18:22:17

This, basically.
Dd has been interested in reading Ancient History/History at Oxford.
We hit enough markers for her to attend Uniq Summer Schools this summer. She has had a taste of what it could be like and until now has been able to balance the fear of rejection with the hope for a place.
Until tonught. Tonight she wantsvto withdraw and apply for a different uni as she is convinced she won't be asked for an Interview after sitting the History Aptitude Test. What is complicating matters is that she has applied to heavily oversubscribed universities and her GCSEs are 5×A*, 4As and 1B. She thinks they're not good enough.
I have paid for a tutor via MyTutor and she had 2 sessions going over her Personal Statement and 1 to go over a H.A.T paper (yesterday)
She doesnt think shes done all that well on the H.A.T hence her panicking right now.
Just to avoid dripfeed, she is Head Girl,there are masses of extenuating circumstances with regards to the school (all in HofY's reference) she has had a pretty tough few years with death of 2 significant others. She is incredibly motivated and totally focussed on her academic future. I really don't know what to say other than I will pay for another tutoring session and that she has a good chance but of course there are a lot of candidates for such a few places.
Oh and her predictions are A* A* A*.
Please can anyone come and help us figure this out. It is just us and her DBro after death of her father.
HervHofY is also worryingly laid back with delivery of marked work, meetings, the lesson etc. I had to email her last week to mither her to submit DD's reference to UCAS. After my emails she handed back essays (from yr 12) to DD that had been marked A- but after marking the corrections, she downgraded the A- to a C.
I am so sorry for the essay and typos blush

insert1usernamehere Wed 18-Oct-17 22:04:08

Sounds like a classic case of fear of rejection. She's trying to avoid the awful feeling of being rejected by being the one to do the rejecting. Understandable, but ultimately not rather self-defeating and I think withdrawing would be a decision she might come to regret, if only because she wonders "what if?"

I always think that if you don't get at least one rejection, then you probably didn't aim high enough in the first place. If she doesn't get an interview, it's not like she is forever barred from going to university anywhere in the country - she has very little to lose from continuing with her application.

The mention of applying to another university seems quite vague and possibly non-specific with regards to exactly which uni it would be. Even if she does know, why was that course not on her list when four others and Oxford were? Is it one she really wants to go to more than all the other four, and if not is it always going to languish towards the bottom of her university choices, never to be used?

If she is to change her choice, she only has 14 days from the date of application within which to swap her choice; after that she can still withdraw from Oxford but can't swap it for another.

Her GCSEs are good enough, she's been to UNIQ and had a taste of it (and presumably liked it) and so, with luck, she will get an interview. I'd regard this as a bit of a wobble, try and keep her on track and perhaps arrange a small but attractive treat for when she hears back from Oxford (whether or not she gets an interview)

SimultaneousEquation Wed 18-Oct-17 22:15:28

Oh, me too! A couple of decades ago. My teacher talked me into sticking with it and I had a wonderful time at Oxford!

Please tell your dd to stick with it. She might not end up at Oxford, but it’s worth staying in with a chance.

titchy Wed 18-Oct-17 22:18:50

If it's fear of failure does she realise if the worst case scenario happens and she gets no offers she gets another go at applying this cycle?

HoofWankingSpangleCunt Thu 19-Oct-17 06:52:53

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
insert it absolutely is fear of rejection. I have been saying that if she pulls out she might regret it, just because she will never know. Thank you for raising such good points. Your comments about an alternative uni choice are spot on.
simultaneous good on you 😀 its great to hear stories like yours. It has crossed my mind that if I "persuade" her to sit tight then she can blame me for "forcing" her to apply.grin I pointed out to her that Oxford was entirely her idea and I have only ever been her cheerleader. This convo was lighthearted but even so, i dont mind being the big bad wolf if it means she continues. She absolutely adored Oxford and I can see her fitting in.
titchy I forgot blush to mention tbat she has heard back from one of her choices and Exeter have made her a 3A offer. So luckily, if everything goes tits up then she is pretty assured of taking up that place. But yes, your point is totally valid and one we have previously discussed.
I fell asleep ridiculously early last night. Hence my early morning replies. We truly appreciate each one of your comments. Thank you. I will show her this thread (which basically reiterates my points but has more validity as it is not just her mum saying it.) I am so tremendously proud of her and will tell her (again) that taking a leap into the unknown demonstrates her amazing character iykwim.

Dozer Thu 19-Oct-17 06:58:25

Avoiding things because of of fear of rejection can be a depressing path IME. Rejection is the worst that can happen and wouldn’t matter as she will have other good offers.

If her confidence or MH is an issue, applying once she has her A levels might be a good option. Freeing her mind up to focus on those.

MrsKCoulter Thu 19-Oct-17 11:49:47

Hi, I have marked the HAT and interviewed for History and I just want to say the test is hard! Everyone taking it is probably used to taking tests they do well in and in which they get close to full marks. This is not like that. NO ONE scores very highly in it! So she should just put it out of her mind until she hears about the interview, but rest assured that most people are probably feeling exactly the same right now.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 19-Oct-17 16:46:30

Please tell her to stick with it but also tell her that there are so many people with similar grades and statements and not everyone can get an interview and even those that do not everyone can get an offer.

With a 3 x A offer from Exeter and a 3 x A* prediction she pretty much has a very solid "insurance" already.

Reach for the stars!

sadusername2 Thu 19-Oct-17 18:56:58

My Dd was not a particularly strong candidate on paper. In fact a lot of people on the forum suggested she apply in Year14 with results in hand. However she applied in year 13 as a practice run! This took off a lot of the pressure. She decided that if she didn't get in she would work even harder to get her predicted A stars and try again. The only way to be sure she won't get in is to withdraw her application.

marmiteloversunite Thu 19-Oct-17 19:03:31

My DD is applying with the attitude that it's worth a try and if not she has applied to four other great unis. They are all in the same boat really. Working hard and giving it a go. If it doesn't happen then something just as good will happen especially with her grades.

sadusername2 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:07:48

Actually we both found this article very illuminating.a Harvard professor lists goes through all he things he's applied for but hasn't been successful.
It puts success in perspective. Maybe success might just be not giving up when you encounter failure.

Dozer Thu 19-Oct-17 19:56:49

Yes, those failure CVs are great!

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