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18 year old finished Uni until September

(18 Posts)
orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 15:04:50

And I'm already getting frustrated that he's not motivated to get a summer job. I'm torn as I love him being home and trying not to get stressy and nagging as he's only been home since Friday evening.

I have asked him to start looking for summer jobs during Easter break and he tells me he's applied to supermarkets and KFC. So not to drip feed, he had an Aspergers diagnosis at six and has hated school. He is absolutely loving Uni life and has settled really well, and we are soooooo proud of his achievements and how he's coping. Because of his issues, I know I have been soft on him. I know I am to blame for his procrastination and lack of motivation. (I'm not sure how though except that I'm too soft) Both DH and I work full time and are anything but lazy, so we have been good role models in that sense.

Two summers ago I found him a job with my employers, all he had to do was apply. He told me he had but hadn't heard anything back. This was a lie. I was mortified. Anyhow, he still got the six week job.
Last year he worked in a cafe/ restaurant but he's not keen to go back there. (Wages were given as and when there was cash in the till, very unorganised)

I have told him that he can't sit in his room on the PC for twelve weeks. Please give me the words to tell him I am serious. I don't want to give him ultimatums cos I know I won't carry through. I don't want to start threatening a man about taking the internet hub to work with me everyday to stop him playing games all day.

Help me man up! Thanks

oldestmumaintheworld Sun 28-May-17 15:21:07

Expectations of young people have changed markedly over the past twenty years. In the past youngsters where expected to go out to work when they left school at 15/16 and they went. Those who went to university knew they had to work in the holidays and most of them did, unless they had rich parents. Now things have changed and many parents feel that they should not expect their children to work in the holidays and the young people themselves either don't see why they should, or don't want to. This sounds like the situation you are in and you don't feel that you can push your son into getting a job without feeling like you are being mean.

I would urge you to consider this: how will your son learn the skills to get a job when he finishes uni if he doesn't practice now? And how will he show employers that he is 'job ready' if he has no previous experience to point to.

You need to have a conversation with him that says this. A good parent prepares their children to leave home and you've obviously done a good job thus far. You just have one more heave to get through this.

orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 15:29:05

He knows we can't afford to support him financially other than paying for new clothes and a food hamper at the beginning of each term. During summer months I expect him to earn enough to keep him in take away in beers September onwards and to contribute to household chores while he's here.

I hate it when parents hand hold kids and find jobs for their offspring, but unless I look for work for himI can't see him doing it. Do I give him until Wednesday to apply to all shops/restaurants etc, write and send cvs? But what then?

We're having our first Sunday lunch together as a family at six. I want it to be a lovely meal for the four of us. I am hoping that I will be able to enjoy the meal without nagging DS about finding a summer job and nagging DD about looking at Unis and prospectuses.

sashh Sun 28-May-17 15:29:49

Turn off the wifi and give him so many chores getting job is the easiest option

ClaudiaWankleman Sun 28-May-17 15:32:24

Summer jobs don't really exist unless you live in a touristy area or are willing to go 'self employed' for the time. No one wants to hire someone for just a couple of months.

Encourage him to find a hobby instead.

orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 15:32:31

Oh the stress of being a mam!!!! They're good kids, but so lazy.

I think I'll tell him that we need a talk after our meal. Give him small targets with time goals.

orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 15:34:12

We live in a touristy area. We have a wealth of cafes and restaurants within a six mile radius.

BackforGood Sun 28-May-17 15:42:04

They do Claudia - and we certainly don't live in a touristy area .

SauvignonBlanche Sun 28-May-17 15:43:19

Are you me, or my DH? confused

I could have written your post last summer and again this year! smile

My DS has just finished his 2nd year and comes home tomorrow. He did fuck all last summer apart from play on his PS4 and I think is planning on doing the same again. hmm

He also has AS and I think is anxious about the prospect of a job, he's strong, fit, intelligent and has good social skills and in many ways is eminently employable but I don't think he can see it. sad

I've even gone as far as writing his CV and sending it in myself for a few jobs, I got him an interview at one but it clashes with an exam so that was that.

We live in a tourist area within walking distance of town.

I'm cross already and he's not even home yet! angry

orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 15:59:29

Sauvignon, my DH is quietly seething. He asked him for a hand with DIY this weekend. DS 's only just come downstairs. He's currently making us both a cup of tea. Voluntarily.

Anyway, I have told him we're making a plan tonight. It's half term fgs, really busy everywhere. I actually found him the perfect job this summer. A ten week gig, promoting where we live as the place to be for young people by using digital media etc. He didn't. Even. Apply.

As always, I'm wondering is this 'anxiety' due to Aspergers or disinterest because of laziness.

SauvignonBlanche Sun 28-May-17 16:41:50

I'm torn as well between wanting to kill him then wondering if I'm expecting too much of him.

He's never had a day's paid employment and is now 20, it doesn't help that his 16 year sister has just got herself a job at a cafe for the summer.

I was tempted to ask DD to see if there were any other jobs going but it not easy having a sibling with SEN so I probably won't.

DS looked pained whenever I bring the subject up.

chocolateworshipper Sun 28-May-17 16:51:46

Would it work better if you used a carrot rather than a stick? So instead of threatening to NOT do something if he DOESN'T get a job, you offer him something if he DOES get a job?

NImbleJumper Sun 28-May-17 17:09:14

All the advice that university Careers services have given my undergrads over the last decade or so is that they must have some kind of work on their CV. Summer jobs and work experience placements are increasingly essential to employers, as they show that the graduate applicant has a work ethic, and can organise themselves, turn up on time, take direction, and hold down a responsible post - even if that's a McJob sot of job. It still shows responsibility & commitment.

Can you tell him this?

orenisthenewblack Sun 28-May-17 18:45:23

NImble, I've said it until I'm blue in the face. This job I found for him (to apply for I mean) was £250 per week with perks ( trips to local attractions). I asked him what would prospective employers in his chosen field find more suitable on his cv, a summer washing dishes or a summer using his IT skills. It doesn't register.

I can promise him to stop nagging when he does find work!!

Anyway, we've had a talk and he's gone to write his updated CV. I want a copy of it by 9pm tonight.

SauvignonBlanche Sun 28-May-17 19:15:02

I've said the same until I'm blue in the face.

I've just found his dream job on-line, at a local museum. I've emailed him the details. I would have completed all the application myself but I know he's researched the area the museum covers and I couldn't be specific enough.

I won't hold my breath that he applies.

SloanyAnne Sun 28-May-17 19:19:03

Tell him being

SloanyAnne Sun 28-May-17 19:22:50

home is not an option. He either has to get paid work or volunteer. My DS with AS amazed me last summer by getting a paper round. Pay was awful and it was a really long hard hilly round but he stuck with it. I was so proud. My NT DSs are another matter thoughhmm
Give him a deadline date 2 to 3 weeks away to get paid work and if he doesn't, volunteering is the thing.

mumeeee Fri 16-Jun-17 18:57:45

DD3 applied for lots of summer jobs but didn't get anywhere. So she didn't do anything during her summer holidays although she did pay us some rent as she still had some loan left and I did expect her to do some jobs and she did join back up with her Drama group so wasn't just slabbing around . The 2nd year she stayed in her university town and helped out with some church stuff.

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