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Supporting DP

(8 Posts)
BetterEatCheese Fri 10-Aug-18 21:57:21

My partner has for upset with me a few times in the last couple of months as he says I am not supportive of his self employment. I am at a loss as to how I can support him any more than I am.

He is a handyman and works 5 days a week on average. He invoices everyone himself and organises deliveries of materials etc himself. He does childcare one weekday evening (same one) and occasionally a Sunday evening when I do overtime.

I do all the shopping and cooking (apart from the weekday evening when he cooks for him
and dd) and all the housework and washing. I work 2 days a week (school hours) and sew self employed for around 10 hours a week. I am also doing a degree and this takes up 10 hours a week. I do all the school runs and childcare.

As it is the summer he thinks I am just off having fun and he is working. I have high earning potential and given half a chance would up my hours but he is never keen to take on any more household or childcare.

I am at a loss what to do. Does anyone have any advice on how I can be more supportive? He is a sole trader which is a solitary job. I have friends and he doesn't and I think he is jealous of this too. I don't know what to do as I see my supportive role as what I am doing with work, study, dd care, housework etc.

He has a tendency to talk in great detail about jobs which I must admit I do zone out in as I don't understand what he's talking about and it is very tricky to stay focused!

Help all you self employed people! How can I change out life? I hate they way things are

IsTheRainEverComingBack Fri 10-Aug-18 22:07:36

I think this is probably a question for relationships rather than self employed. Your issue is your DP doesn’t want to be equal partners, won’t take his fair share of family responsibility, and you’re not married so you’re in a very precarious position. You don’t need to support him more, he does a total normal amount of work, he needs to be less of an arse.

BetterEatCheese Fri 10-Aug-18 22:31:21

Thanks for the response, that's basically what I said to him but some how it's all on me. I know it is more of a relationships issue but I was genuinely wondering what self employed people want from a spouse.

He doesn't tell me anything then blames me as he feels alone. He's so wrapped up in his business (1 year in) that he can't see us at all.

saltnvinegarchips Fri 10-Aug-18 22:53:12

I'm self employed. My dh works full time. I do school drop off and pick ups, food shopping, we have a cleaner and I do in between maintenance. Dh will leave work early to do a pick up if needed, does washing, dishes, animal care, gardens, homework with dc. There's obviously a lot more but the biggest thing for me was the house cleaning.
Your dh sounds selfish. If I were you I'd go back to work, if he doesn't want to pull his weight then I'm sorry but I'd LTB. It's no life. Don't lose your earning potential.

BetterEatCheese Fri 10-Aug-18 22:59:27

Thanks for your reply. He seems so overwhelmed with being self employed it's hard to know what to do. He needs some friends to talk to so he can see what other people are juggling and how good he has got it.

It is a real kick in the teeth being told I am not supportive.

He thinks that because I am not constantly talking about money and bills I don't worry and am taking no responsibility for bills being paid and it's all on him. I have tried to explain that by taking on everything else I am giving him space and freedom to run the business.

The stupid thing is I say to him to cut down and I will do more work which I would love to do but as soon as I say that he says I don't believe in him and it's unsupportive.

Jeez

Magicbugkiller Sat 11-Aug-18 22:02:14

The problem with being self employed is that you cant say no as the next time they may not ask you.

Could you help with invoicing and admin? Does he use all the IT available to help him with this?

ThisIsNotMyRealName1 Thu 16-Aug-18 23:10:30

Being self-employed is hard for some people, and sometimes it just doesn't suit them. What are his reasons for being self-employed and is he achieving that goal?

I've been home-based self-employed for eight years and it works really well for me/us. Sometimes my workload is ridiculous and there's not enough hours in the day, at which time my DH steps in and just does whatever needs to be done even though he works full-time + and often travels in his job.

Don't let your partner damage your earning potential. I know it's not ideal but are you able to employ a cleaner or after-school care/pick up to take up the slack if you were to increase your hours?

MistressDeeCee Thu 16-Aug-18 23:30:25

Your DP wants your life to revolve around his work. He is also being waspish, and downright cheeky in not acknowledging the work you do both inside and outside the home.

I've been self-employed since 2002 I get on with it, the world and people around me don't have to revolve around my chosen pattern of work.

He doesn't want you to help him more he just wants to moan. Whatever you say or do won't be right.

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