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Should I or shouldn't I?

(4 Posts)
littlemisstax Mon 27-Jul-09 19:59:18

My step sister died last summer, leaving 4 children, aged 4-11. Her partner showed very little interest in the kids, but is now having weekly contact (under supervision). He doesn't want the kids full time.

The kids are currently in foster care, split between two families. My niece is on her own, and wants to live with a friend of her mums, who has put in an application for custody. I don't want to disturb this as it is what she really wants.

My fiance and I have talked about taking some/all of the boys (4-9). We are both under 30 and have no children of our own (yet). My major reservations are that I don't think we can cope with 3, plus our own (he does); my middle nephew has behavioural problems - we both work full time; I don't think I could cope with taking them to see their dad each week and I don't think it is fair on our (unborn) children. Although I think we could cope with 1 (or possibly 2) of my nephews, I don't want to chose between them.

I do want a 'normal' aunt/uncle relationship. My fiance has said he will accept my decision, but I know he wants to have them.

What would you do?

kitkatqueen Tue 28-Jul-09 00:57:02

I would have to have them. I have 3.9 kids under the age of 5. It would be v v difficult, but I could not leave them with anyone else.

You can plan your life, but sometimes fate steps in and gives you a diverson. Sometimes its very much for the best. I stand in loco parentis for several children in the event that something should happen to their parents. Most of these agreements were made before I had children of my own.

I would have to take them, not out of any moral obligation or because I said 12 years ago that I would, but simply because its where they should be.

I would hate the thought of my children being in that situation.

I would have to bring them home even if there were 10 of them. Somehow I would manage.

I suspect if you did have children of your own already it would be a much simpler descision to make.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

mumo75 Tue 28-Jul-09 10:15:41

hi littlemisstax,

i have been in that situation and i have to say i agree with kitkatqueen --my hubbys nephew was in care(3yrs old) so we approached social services(we are already foster carers for same social services) to say we want to care for him perminantly--
we had a big assesment done-- but they decided it wasnt viable for us to care for him due to violent parents,too much risk for us/nephew/our own 6 children & foster children.

we are devastated sadabsolutly broken over this decision.
we prob would have struggled with room but we all(whole family)thought it was right to have him here.
i really dont think i will ever get over this- my life will never be the same again!!!!

mumo75 Tue 28-Jul-09 10:17:01

oh forgot--

the decision is only yours to make, dont feel forced to do something you might regret later on!!!!

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