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Should I adopt or foster long term?

(6 Posts)
chickenmama Mon 15-Jun-09 19:52:36

I've been matched with a child, my first foster placement (and long term). I am very tempted to adopt. I haven't met the child yet but we seem to be a very good match and as the child is the only one of several siblings without an adopter it feels like the right thing to do. The LA would be very happy for me to apply to adopt. My agency however are not happy and have said I should foster. Both sides have said the other are basing their advice on finances and I feel a bit stuck in the middle. The LA have said they'd like a decision before I meet the child so they can introduce me in the appropriate way (as either adopter or foster carer).
Would love to get some thoughts on this...
(Also posted in adopters section)

strawberryplanter Tue 16-Jun-09 01:15:37

OMG did you see that documentary a while back about children in care? The fostered dc all went from pillar to post and wished they'd been adopted.

A proper family is what dc need above all else, you are so fortunate that you are in a position where you could be the saviour of this child and save them from a lifetime of multiple rejection and poor prospects.

Please adopt if you can.

Anngeree Sun 21-Jun-09 21:45:05

It does seem like finances play a large part your agency because they'll be getting a fee if you foster & the LA because it's cheaper in the long run for a child to be adopted. It's a shame you can't foster first & get to know the child then apply to adopt it's a big decision to make before you've even met the child as you don't know everything about a child from a piece of paper. I can understand the LA wanting to introduce you appropriately tho!
Good Luck!

Yurtgirl Sun 21-Jun-09 21:50:30

I assumed it was possible to foster and then adopt later on if there is a bond - is that not the case?

Adopting a child before having even met them seems like an impossible decision

jetcat32 Sun 28-Jun-09 18:27:48

from my point of view - as a person who spent 18 years of childhood in care - foster/residential etc. i would say adopt if you can. It will give the child a lot more security. I always thought there was something wrong with me which prevented anyone from adopting me! Not trying to guilt trip anyone - I think both foster parents and adoptive parents do wonderful jobs, and have had the pleasure of working with many in my professional job, i just thought i would give the other side of the coin!

chickenmama Mon 29-Jun-09 18:18:02

Thanks for all the input.

Jetcat, that's exactly the point of view I wanted. Like, does it really make a big difference to be adopted or fostered, even when it's still with the same family and they're committed either way. I have a feeling it does, especially as children get older and understand the difference more, and realise they're the only one from the birth family that didn't get adopted.

So the plan at the moment is to have it start off as a foster placement with a review a few months in and if all is going well, to start the adoption process then. It'll take a couple of years to complete but I really feel adoption is the best thing.

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