Fostering with a young child

[Difranco123]

Hi

I was just wondering if anyone has any experience fostering with a young child or fostering in Liverpool generally? We are looking into becoming foster carers but we have a young child (thinking of starting the approval process when he is around 2). I spoke with an agency and they said the age of our child wouldn’t prevent us from fostering older children, however I’m not sure that would be in his best interest. I’m assuming the LA would only let us foster children younger than our own? But since that would only mean 0-2 are they likely to turn us away? Thanks

[Cassimin]

I’m in Liverpool.
You may hear different from others but there’s no way I would foster with a young child.
We waited unti our youngest was 13 and I still feel guilty that they have had their life upset.
When you foster, that child becomes your priority. Many of these children have behavioural issues and require a lot of support.
I am with an agency and they require your child to be at least 2 years older than the child placed with you.
If you foster babies they often have daily contact and you will be required to transport them to and from.
One of our children had contact 13 miles away.
Personally I would wait and enjoy your own child.

[Difranco123]

Thank you for your input Cassimin, you’ve definitely given me a lot to think about. I did wonder if it might be better to wait until our son is older. Would you mind telling me what kind of impact fostering had on your own children?

[Cassimin]

Mine were 13,13 and 20 when we started the process so were able to understand why the foster children behaved in certain ways.
They often felt embarrassed by the fc behaviour when out and about.
For example tipping tables in restaurants, punching and kicking others in public places.
I am constantly doing stuff with the fc, clubs,appointments, contact etc.
Holidays were a major stumbling block. We can only go to places that are suitable for our fc.
Also our previously quiet house sometimes resembles a war zone, it’s hard for them to see me getting screamed at and being visibly upset.
We have been fostering for 8 years and have a long term placement.
The child has been with us for 6 years. It’s still very hard but we are far too attached to them to imagine our lives any other way.
I now have a grandchild and my fc finds it very hard to accept them and just ignores them.
I loved doing things with my children when they were young, giving them lots of different opportunities, travelling,having fun.
If our fc was with us then I think they would have missed out on so much as our lives are so different now.

[JacobMalloy02]

HI, As a RM of an independent agency, we would not take you with a two year old unless you had a specific skill set for looking after older children or perhaps an parent and child, a very good support network and reassurances that you could balance the fostering and parenting role. Most people do not foster with young children due to the type of child who may be placed with you and the impact this may have on your whole family.

That said, some LA's will take you and you may consider respite or short term placements only. This would give you valuable experience and offer you the opportunity to consider fostering full time when your child is older.

J

[Sarahandduck18]

In general I think it’s a shame that parents with young dcs are generally excluded from being FC.

But I’d be wary of having an older foster child due to the higher risk of sexualised behaviour which may not be disclosed to you by the agency.

[Charlie2taffy]

I have been fostering for 11 years and have two birth children aged 8 and 3. Continued fostering throughout and currently fostering 3 (now as a single carer!) Aged 17.16 and 6. I began fostering with a private agency but moved to the local authority a couple of years ago as matching with an agency and young children of your own is problamatic. Luckily we had two long term placements whilst my eldest was young who, although very complex, didn't pose a risk to him. As they were getting older our placements we began looking for a new one and during this time had our second child. In two years there were no referrals which were suitable for us in my opinion! Hence moving to the LA.

Advice I'd give you is:

• don't consider an agency they will only have placements the la can't find places for and this will be for reasons which will make them unsuitable to be placed with a young child (generalisation but mostly true)
• the la will expect you to put the needs of your foster child above your birth children, your life will revolve around them
• speak to other foster carers with young birth children. There are quite a lot especially with the la and they should be willing to put you in contact with them
• there will be some.negative effects on your child at times. If a placement isnt working there will be a lot of pressure to keep the child with you, even at the expense of yours.
• always keep an age gap of at least two years between your child and a foster child. More if you can. I have been extremely lucky my 6 year old happens to have fit in really well alongside my two.

-overall fostering has been a.fantastic experience for my kids and the positives far outweigh the negatives BUT matching is so important and never be afraid to say no!

• if it's an option consider doing support/respite care to start as this will give you a good idea of what will work for your family and what you can offer a foster child

Hope that helps.

[Birkridge51]

My family has fostered for over 5 years now and personally I would say enjoy your child whilst they are still so young.

You will be expected to put the foster child's needs above your own child's needs, one example is we had an 8 year old who was new to us and really struggling with my relationship with my birth children, so were asked to find them somewhere else for them to go to after school until the child had gone to bed at 8.30pm and then they could come home!

My children have seen and experienced such a lot in the past five years, I don't regret fostering but often wonder if I should have left it till they were older.

[TwelveThirtyTwo]

My birth son was 2 when I started fostering and he’s 12 now.

He’s clashed with a few of the children I’ve looked after but really loves fostering and is always asking when someone else is coming to stay.
It’s been a positive and rewarding experience for both of us and I would do it all again.

I think it makes it easier when they are so young as it’s all he’s ever known, where as introducing a new child into an older child’s life can lead to jealousy and resentment

[GetOffTheTableMabel]

I cannot find words to adequately convey how much I admire and respect those of you who foster. You are very special.

[kmetsch]

We started fostering for Liverpool City Council when our kids were 5 and 7 back in 2019.
It’s worked very very well when our foster kids have been younger than our birth kids.
The little lad we have is 3 years younger than our birth son.
It works well.
Get in touch and see what the Council says.

[kmetsch]

Oops, should have said, we started in 2009