Family foster carer & CS involved. Advice greatly welcomed!

[Mommato2Babies]

Hello

I'm new to mumsnet but have heard amazing things about this website and the advice people give out.

I have 2 gorgeous children who are currently under a care order by CS and are being cared for by there paternal grandmother. They were before cared for by a foster carer who was assigned the children by CS however as we wanted the children to stay with family and had the support from them that they would help they were moved into a family environment.
However since the children have moved paternal grandmother has turned sour towards us and no longer agrees to let us see the children out of our contact times set by the LA.
We have contact 3 times a week for 2 hours given to us by the LA and savour every minute of it.
We have had parenting assessments done and are due to hear weather positive or negative tomorrow, (as social worker is thick and has had to re do them because she is a nightmare, to which has prolonged our court hearings as we were meant to have our final hearing at the start of December last year)

Is there any advice as to what we can do to get maternal grandmother to let us see the children? We have good communication and seem to be the only ones making the effort.

Also any advice in what to expect from parenting assessments and how to move things forward more quickly?

And last but not least does anyone know how I can find Parenting courses near me (West Midlands) have tried Google search but nothing clearly of who I can call to book myself into a course.


Advice very very much appreciated!!!

[jessstan2]

I've no experience but just wanted to say I hope all goes forward satisfactorily (& won't ask you any questions). No doubt other posters will come along shortly who can help you.

Good luck.

[Mommato2Babies]

Thank you so much!

Just really want my children home, or to at least be able to see them outside of 4 walls or a contact room.

[jessstan2]

Yes of course you do.

[Fontofnoknowledge]

Is there a specific problem that needs addressing or were you struggling with how to parent. ? By that I mean was there an external issue such as addiction /mental health / dv that has lead to their removal or simply (bad word as it's never simple) struggling and overwhelmed by parenthood. ? You don't have to tell us specifics but it would help to have a general idea.
I have supported a mum whose child was family fostered and have a tiny bit of experience with the sort of things CP want to see before deciding it was safe for the child to go home to mum.

[DewDropsonKittens]

R.e the parenting course, contact your local children's centre. My area they are led by children's centres, if not then your local councils Early Years department will be able to signpost you to the current programmes.

The Grandmother does not have to give you any contact above what is court ordered

It may be that the children suffer prolonged anxiety following contact and if it is traumatic for them (I.e. separation) it may be that it is in the best interest of the children to only have those contacts.

If your parenting assessment is positive, the courts will make a relevant decision

Be aware, even if it is positive there may still be hoops to jump through

[Mommato2Babies]

Fontofnoknowledge

Base of problems came from a dense neighbour who is out to ruin everyone's lives and reports everyone surrounding her to CS.
She made several false reports about my partner being abusive towards her, and that he has mental health and is worried for the children. My partner had a bleed on his brain after a car accident to which the side effects are is that he can get as frustrated but never results in nothing more.. he knows how to control his anger and so do I. He has been part of a mental health organisation and had a mental health support worker who just referred him to download apps to help but other than that never offerer an real help, he stopped attending appointments which CS now have a problem with but he has said he is more than willing to re join them to show he will accept help. They also reported that our dogs were unsafe, which is profoundly untrue as both have been assessed and are perfectly fine. Also don't get me wrong being a mum can sometimes be hard and maybe I struggled with a few things but I have asked for help and still don't seem to be getting anywhere with CS.
We have jumped through every hoop they have thrown and done everything they have asked. We are willing to attend parenting classes hence the reason I asked.

The grandmother has been told by the courts she should supervise 1 weekend contact to let us see our children in a family environment
which she hasn't abided by. The children don't get upset when we leave as they kind of understand the situation..

Both me and my partner are accepting any and every help we are given and just want our children home.

[NotANotMan]

You're not in care proceedings with the children out of your care because your neighbour makes up lies.

You need to speak to your lawyer regarding contact. They should also be helping you to identify a parenting course. We can't help you with this on here.

[Kittykat93]

I feel there's more to this story op, sorry. Children aren't removed from their parents without an extremely good reason.

[Waterlemon]

The best thing you can do is continue jumping through hoops and doing EXACTLY what is asked of you - including only seeing your children during set contact times.

[Mommato2Babies]

Well actually I am because of what she said about my partners mental health, they are using that against us. Im struggling to put into words what has happened so I'm trying to give the baseline but the way CS has seen it they think we cut off mental health but its not like that. Honestly it's so hard to explain. You don't agree with me I understand but my next door neighbour also has CS involved because of her. She is vindictive and jealous and loves to see other people suffer, its who she is. There may have been a few other things I didn't mention but maybe they were right when they said overwhelmed with parent good, yes maybe that played a part but my children always came first no matter what.

[Kittykat93]

I'm finding this hard to follow. Just because your partner has mental health problems that won't warrant them removing your children

[Missingstreetlife]

Don't push it op or they will say family can't deal with it and go back to foster care.
I think you need to listen to the concerns.

[Mommato2Babies]

watermelon

I haven't missed a single contact with the children except the ones paternal grandmother is refusing. I jump everytime they say, we both do. But we just seem to get no where. I attended every doctor's appointment I attended every other appointment, everything


I understand what everyones saying that children aren't taken with good reason and we know where we went wrong and have gone above and beyond to change the circumstances, but how to I go about more contact?

[NotANotMan]

Speak to your lawyer.

[springtimeyet]

Solely in relation to contact, if paternal relative foster carers are refusing to follow through on court planned contact then contact your lawyer who should follow this up for you. You should also notify the social worker of this, in writing if possible.

[Missingstreetlife]

Go through the social worker and your lawyer. Be patient. Your children are safe and you have contact. They have to do ordinary things like school and homework. Contact is hard work for careers and disruptive for kids. Don't push it, cooperate, take your lawyers advice.

[Lougle]

It's hard when you feel that everyone is against you. I hope things start to feel more positive for you. I'm sure that, in the end, children's services will want for you all to get to a place where it's good and safe and healthy for you all to be back together again.

[FixItUpChappie]

Why don't you request and help set up a family meeting to discuss the safety goals, everyone's view of the progress made to date, barriers to access, trajectory and next steps?

These threads are difficult because they are so one sided in information, it is doubtful that people share the true specifics of what is going on (understandably) and ultimately what you should do is very specific to your personal circumstances.

[FixItUpChappie]

Also I do think it's okay to push - not to seem like a nut job by being histrionic mind, but to push to understand what specifically the professionals and your support network would need to see, hear and experience with yourself and your partner to feel that there are not safety concerns that would warrant the children to be out of the home.

[Missingstreetlife]

Yes, I was saying don't push grandma, she will be being assessed as to whether she is doing what they ask and how she is coping, you don't want to upset that. Go through official channels, social worker is supervising this. Your lawyer will act for you.

[Mommato2Babies]

Lawyers have bought this up a number of times and Social worker keeps sidelining our requests this has been put forward to the judge and still nothing, her manager is involved but still as yet to hear the result of moving forward, hence the reason I say I feel like I'm getting nowhere even though I jump for everything. I don't push paternal grandmother because I know how she is and she will just make shit up against us. I speak civilly to her but she has non of it. I have text message proof that she has no reason to stop contact other than she doesn't want to do it.

I know not to push because like you said family will give in and the will go back to foster carers but just don't know why she's being a butch now but was up our arse and all there for help before.

[Mommato2Babies]

*Bitch

[jessstan2]

This is very complicated. I think some priority should be given to you and your partner being rehoused away from the difficult neighbour.

Why does the children's grandmother make stuff up about you? The way you speak about her is quite insulting, frankly, surely if she was that bad the social workers wouldn't have allowed her to have custody of your children. She is presumably your partner's mother.

I can't quite get my head around it all.

[2K19]

Is your partner the father of the DCs?
Is it his parents who have them
Or the DCs father is someone different?

[NotANotMan]

I think some priority should be given to you and your partner being rehoused away from the difficult neighbour.

Why should the housing department waste time and resources moving them away from neighbours who raised concerns about the safety of children in the house?