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Wwyd - contacting former Foster carer

(11 Posts)
BlueRain1 Sat 25-Aug-18 23:16:00

Have name changed. I was fostered for most of my teenage years. It was hard. I had several different long term placements but never really settled. I'm an adult now with my own life

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my first set of foster carers. I was only with them for a few weeks. It broke down after that for reasons I won't say on here for fear of being outed. I've managed to find the Foster mum on Facebook. I haven't messaged her yet. But part of me wants to message her. Mainly just to say thanks for putting up with me but I'm worried that she won't remember me or will tell me to get lost. I don't believe that she's still fostering if it makes any difference but Wwyd? If you'd been that carer would you want to hear from me now? I haven't had any contact with her since the placement ended nearly 15 years ago.

OP’s posts: |
HollowTalk Sat 25-Aug-18 23:19:58

I would think she'd remember you. When you say it broke down, was it because of anything she did?

My sister's a foster carer and I know she remembers all of her foster children with great affection.

Reaa Sat 25-Aug-18 23:24:25

I contacted mine from when I was a baby and she knew who I was.
She told me, she had kept a shoe box of momentos (including me) from every foster child she'd ever had.

RavenWings Sat 25-Aug-18 23:29:28

I suppose it depends on exactly why the placement didnt work out, but I imagine most foster carers would like to hear from you. It'd be good to know that a kid you put time and energy into now has their own life and is doing well (I presume you are!).

Flipflop789 Sat 25-Aug-18 23:29:37

She will remember you and im sure would love to hear from you and how you are doing!

Golde Sat 25-Aug-18 23:35:34

I think it depends why it broke down but if it's nothing to do with her, then yes I think she'd like to hear how you are.

sparklyandhungover Sun 26-Aug-18 17:35:29

I am a foster carer and honestly i wouldn't care how it broke down . She'd love to hear from you I'm sure as I would if it was me.

Some placements don't work it can be the wrong placement for that child
We don't gel
Or just we can't meet that child's needs at that time

I have had all of these but I know in my heart that all of my placements have left with some positive changes in their lives and happy memories whilst here.

Guardsman18 Sun 26-Aug-18 17:44:43

I'm an adoptive mum. My son's foster carer cried so much when he came to live with us. She asked for one thing - a photograph on his first birthday.

I sent it of course. I bet she thinks about him a lot so I can't imagine that your foster mother would be any different. Foster carers are very special imo.

helforddreams Sun 26-Aug-18 20:09:17

As a foster carer I find myself thinking and wondering about the young people who moved on in less than happy circumstances. I bet she would love to hear from you and yes, she will remember!

BlueRain1 Sun 26-Aug-18 22:18:29

Thank you for your comments and support. I've left a message. I'm not hopeful of a reply but we'll see what happens.

For those asking, it didn't break down because of anything she did. Looking back - I think it was more that my needs were very much unknown when I came into care and as I settled it became obvious to the FC's that it wasn't going to be the right placement for me or them. Certainly not long term. I don't blame them at all and I'm not angry. They did the right thing even though I was upset at the time

OP’s posts: |
Guardsman18 Sun 26-Aug-18 23:17:05

I hope you'll let us know how things go. Good luck x

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