Need advice - Application terminated

[s0lo]

Hi all,

I badly need some advice... And yes I realise that there's current SW's on here, possibly from my local LA.



After wanting to foster for many years I finally felt that the time was right, so 2.5 Months ago I attended an Information Session on Fostering.
I'd already done a ton of research before attending and the information that they supplied backed up on what I'd read.

During the session, I spoke at length to a long-term carer and Foster team manager for the local LA and filled in a Form of interest. I also explained that I currently share my home with my ex-partner who is due to move out by the end of July.

A couple of weeks later I was contacted and had a telephone interview and the end of which I was offered a Home Visit.

That took place a couple of weeks later. I was previously told that it would last 60-90 minutes. I really hit it off with the visiting social worker and after 2 hours pointed out that didn't she need to call in for safety reasons etc? So she did, at that point I expected her to leave, but she then stayed for another hour.
From all my research it would indicate that this is unusual.

Like I already said, we got on really well, we chatted about everything and anything, including her divulging personal information about herself, where she lived, what type of property she lived in and about her pet etc. What her plans for her weekend were etc. She even spoke about the fact that as a single guy, and in her words good-looking etc. how would I handle a possible new relationship, my reply was very slow if I had placements as the children would always be my first priority etc. she was pleased by my response.

By the time she left It felt more like I'd made a new friend rather than an official visitor. Upon leaving she informed me that she considered me an ideal applicant and would be recommending me to her Manager and I'd hear from her Dept. within a couple of weeks, and in fact, I received a text within a week confirming that I was now on Stage 1.

Jump forward a couple of weeks and I saw the Business manager to return the forms and reference details etc. and she commented that she'd heard lots of good things about me from her Manager, but mainly from the visiting SW, naturally I was very pleased to hear that. I was also told that I would be getting appointed a newly appointed SW for the remainder of my application.

Naturally, I had concerns about being appointed someone new to the role etc. and after not hearing anything for a couple of weeks called the original SW for an update?
She went on to explain that this person was from a different country so there was the possibility of a level of misunderstandings due to cultural/language issues so she would be supervising the new person to eliminate any potential issues.

We discussed my home situation as I'm looking to have work carried out to increase the number of bedrooms, and she said she was now had minor concerns for me as I was going to have the smallest room, but the choice was mine, I explained that like previously discussed I'd be willing to move to a bigger property if needed, I was told it was up to me and not to worry about it for now. Again we chatted like old friends and at some point in the conversation asked her if she'd be interested in meeting up one evening?
She said that she understood why I had asked because we really got on well but she wouldn't as she'd just starting dating someone. The trouble is that I wasn't asking her out on a date but as a friend meet, I was now in a dilemma, do I point out her mistake or let it ride? I chose the latter as I felt awkward in having to correct her mistake. We continued to chat like old friends and she also said that even though she was no longer my SW that I could contact her again, especially if I had any concerns about my new SW.

A few days later I had a missed call from my LA, and called them back and spoke to my new SW, she said that she wanted to meet me asap as we were both due to attend a Skills to Foster course next week. She also informed me that I'd made it through to Stage 2, even though I hadn't had my Medical yet. We arranged for me to be her first appointment.

Upon meeting day she arrived 15 minutes late. Whilst making her a hot drink we chatted about her being new to the role and I asked about her previous role and she informed me that she'd been in child protection for a decade. I commented about how she'd probably seen the worst side of peoples natures etc. She then asked me why I was applying as a single male and did I realise how much harder I was going to find things, especially if I had an allegation made, to which I answered that I did, especially as I currently volunteered for a child charity. She then said that the LA could stop the process at any time during the process, personally, I found this to be a strange statement so early in the conversation.

Once seated she passed a whole load of paperwork, including a letter that she said, was a confirmation of my now being on Stage 2, so I didn't bother to read it at that time. We then had to go through a shortened version of what my previous SW and I had discussed for her own notes. I asked why couldn't she just get the notes from her and she said that she was required to make her own notes. This SW was all business and during our discussion and I found her attitude off-putting she again commented how the process could be stopped at any time if it was felt that I wasn't quite right for the role. I explained that everything so far would suggest that I am, and I fully understood the possible dangers of being a single carer. Throughout the visit I felt that she was being negative towards me but put it down to a culture difference.

She then gave me a panel date of 6 months time. I queried this and was told that she already had a huge workload and couldn't process me any quicker. We then arranged a time for my 1 to 1's which going by the timescale she set out would have them completed by early August. She left after just over an hour.

I did contact my ex-SW and voiced my concern over the timescale of the Panel date and was told that she would look into it, as even she thought that this was too far away. Again she seemed keen to chat but as she'd already mentioned that she had a lot of work to do, I ended the call quickly.

A couple of days later I received an email confirming the start time of the Skills course.


Upon checking my email before bed was shocked to discover an email from the SW Manager ending my application on the following grounds.

That as I'm only at Stage 1 they had made the following decision.

That as I'd asked my original SW to meet outside of work that this was not acceptable behavior from a prospective FC and that I clearly couldn't manage my professional boundaries etc.

In addition because of this that I've shown that I'm open to forming a new relationship and this is incompatible with my application.

It is also stated that it's not clear what my definite plans are for accommodation are.

They cannot understand what my current relationship status is with my ex-partner?

Therefore they feel that this is not a suitable time to proceed with my application.

It ends with that my new SW has raised concerns about my Understanding of a child's needs and my lack of flexibility, (neither of which are explained)

I've also been warned not to attempt contact with any of the team in the future.

As far as they're concerned my application has ended


Now, this is where I need help, In hindsight, I now fully realise that I should have never asked my then Ex-SW to meet up and that I should have corrected her misunderstanding of my invitation.

My new SW had both verbally, and in an email confirmed I'm now at Stage 2. The letter she gave me on her visit from this Manager states that I'm actually on Stages 1 & 2, and after reading the information she gave me during the visit it states that at Stage 2 I'm allowed to challenge the decision.

I have been upfront with all concerned that my ex-partner and I share my home, we were friends for 7 years before we got together for 5 years and split over 18 months ago. She fully supports my application as she knows I've wanted to apply for years, in fact, we previously discussed doing so as a couple but she decided it wasn't for her, I understood and respected that. This was not the reason we broke up, it was more of a gradual of wanting different things out of life and I feel that we're both lucky to have retained our friendship since the break-up. As I've already said, she's due to move out in a couple of months. We lead separate lives, sleep in different rooms etc. So I cannot understand their confusion?

As I said above, the ex-SW was more than happy with the layout of my current home, but at a later date raised a concern that I may feel too cramped living in a single room. It was only because of her comments that I've even considered moving. So again I can't understand their confusion?

As for the so-called concerns of my new SW, I have no idea what they're on about. I did reply to their original email, stating my disappointment of their decision and I have challenged the fact that I'm actually on stage 2, not just stage 1, but as of yet haven't received a reply?

So how long do I wait? and even if I appeal, realistically what, if any, are my chances are or overturning this decision?
The last thing I want is a big black mark on file somewhere which prevents me from reapplying at a later date, or would I even be allowed?

I did mention in my reply that if they had any concerns that I would've been able to clarify things had they spoken to me.

I'm so upset over this especially as my Skills course was due to start this Wednesday,

I feel totally lost and thought I'd reach out on here.
Sorry for the long post.

Thank you for your time.

[Cassimin]

If I were you I would get all your personal things sorted out then maybe apply to an agency.
The fact that you may move and that you have a partner who is moving out would be very unsettling for a child placed in your care.
A lot of fc come with lots of behavioural problems and from chaotic lives.
They must be placed in calm stable environments that are unlikely to have any changes.
If you have any intentions of starting relationships I would think very carefully about fostering.
From experience of other carers, I have learnt that social workers can be very obstructive to them starting relationships and new partners can find it hard as they are interviewed and their lives are scrutinised.

[mmmccccccxxx]

I sorry to appear rude
But your application to become a foster carer is like a job interview you have behaved inappropriately toward
The Sw and your home
Life at present is not stable I would reflect think about applying again
To an agency when
You have moved.


Fostering though is 24:7 how would you ever meet someone
New go for dates
Etc...

[OlennasWimple]

Once approved to foster they would want to start placing children with you as soon as possible. This clearly won't be possible until you have resolved your living situation and they have satisfied themselves that it is suitable (both in terms of your ex moving out and the building work)

They should have said that at the outset, rather than starting the process TBH. And it sounds as if both the original SW and you have over-stepped the bounds of a professional relationship, even if inadvertently, which is bound to ring alarm bells

I'd also counsel that, even though you think that you are fine about the end of your relationship, the fact that you are still living together means that it isn't really over yet and you don't in all honesty know how it will affect you when the time comes. Foster caring is hugely emotionally draining, and you need to be in a really good place yourself. You cannot provide an excellent placement to a foster child whilst dealing with the end of your relationship - again, you should have been told this earlier, and advised to delay your application

[KatyP1975]

Asking the sw out for a drink was incredibly inappropriate. You need to sort your living arrangements out and perhaps reapply to a neighbouring borough at a later date, although you will need to declare this when reapplying. I wouldn't appeal with this LA as it's very unlikely they would find in your favour.

[Broken11Girl]

Asking the SW to meet up - even as friends, even though she was no longer to be your SW - was inappropriate, sorry. Foster carers need to be professional and very boundaried.

[duchessofsussex]

I am a SW and i sit on fostering/adoption panels. . As i was reading. at the point you said you had asked to meet up with the SW for a drink, I did a big 'woah' and that is the point i think you lost you application. Boundaries are required all the way as a foster carer and i think you have fallen at the most basic hurdle.

[Gillian1980]

I agree with previous posters that overstepping the boundaries would have caused a huge concern. Regardless of if it was meant as a date ot as friendship.

The other areas sound unsettled at the moment and most agencies / assessors would wait until everything has been resolved and remained stable for a period of time before beginning an assessment.

Stage 1 & stage 2 can run alongside one another and you can still have your assessment ended under stage 1 after stage 2 has begun.