Questions re: Contact and Allegations

[Smith8450]

Hi everyone! As I suspect is normal, whilst awaiting panel, lots of new worries and uncertainties are springing to mind.
My SW visited me last week and asked how I felt about contact visits. I assumed she just meant in general so said I accept they are part of the fostering process and happy to go along with it. I've since noticed on a fb fostering page some carers have to stay during contact which I wasn't aware of I thought I'd be just drooping off/picking up.
We will be caring for 0-2 yr olds. Can I ask what any of your experiences are with this age group.
Also, during our skills to foster, it was mentioned that in some allegations your own birth children may be removed from your care whilst under investigation. I suppose I put this to the back of my mind and now it has resurfaced and I'm worried as to how often this would actually happen. Obviously I'll speak with my SW next week to clarify these worries of mine but would love to hear of your experiences regarding these 2 matters.
Many thanks x

[SpottydogDomino]

Your SW is not going to be honest with you. How could he/she as no allegations have been made (yet). Best question to ask your SW is how many allegations were made against foster carers in your LA in the past 12 months and in worst case scenario what was done and what was the outcome. That way you are working with actual facts/happenings.

If serious and even if false allegations are made, there is every chance your own children will be removed. Your husband or any other family member (if implicated) will be asked to move out away from the family home and foster child and not return until the allegations are investigated and this could take months. You will have no income if the child is remove and no further children to foster.

The foster child's need come before yours, your families or anything else. There is no support for you or your family and if the allegations are false it will just be "one of those things" but it will (probably) end your fostering as who could work with children after a false allegation and the upset to your family, friends and wider community who are bound to feel mud sticks?

Sorry but that is how it is.

[Smith8450]

Yeah I'm going to ask my SW this next week.

How do you do it? How do you foster knowing this can happen? I'm a right worrier and now I've found this to worry about.

Thanks for your honest answer.

[SpottydogDomino]

We qualified in 2001 as foster carers but quit a few years ago as we became dissolusioned over the way our LA changed in that time. It was not helping the fostered children. It became about stats and outcomes on the child, not seeing them as individuals but a product to move through the system and out the other side. There were too many SW's who had "done the courses" who stayed 5 mins in the job. Each new one had a new take on what we as foster carers should or should not be doing, often oppositional to the last SW's opinion! We felt the weight of blame if the children showed violent behaviour at school, sexualised behaviour, cruelty towards our animals or self harmed and we pointed out time and again that we are not psychiatrists or psychologists but can only give a safe loving home and stability, anything going on inside the child's mind that causes these behaviours needs expert input.

I think we were very lucky that we fostered without any allegations being made against us. It would have destroyed us as we are gentle and kind people and fostered because we believed that every child deserved a chance in life.

Good luck op, I wish you well.