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Mum looking at fostering, but I'm concerned - advice?

(6 Posts)
decafbex24 Sun 17-Sep-17 10:58:38

Hi smile

Nervous newbie here. My Mum is considering fostering special needs children (just one at a time, long term). Could anyone share their experiences in regards to the 'screening process', not just of my Mum, but relatives. Will I require a full background check and DBS just to spend Christmas or the occasional birthday with my family?

I'm intensely private (even typing this, I'm finding extremely difficult), and I'm concerned that a background check on me will reveal to my family things which I have dealt with alone. What if they look at my therapy notes, and the events which led me to therapy? All of which happened long after I had moved out. Then there's my diagnosis for clinical depression & anxiety, and a police/court incidence (as a victim, I'd like to stress!!), and an awful relationship which has left both physical and emotional scars.

Mum isn't totally oblivious, but my coping method has always been to play things down, wear a smile, and deal with it in private, with professional help. I'm terrified that social workers are going to come in and dig through all of my personal life and dredge up all of these awful incidences and tell my family.

Could anyone tell me about their past experiences, either fostering or being close relatives of those who foster? Most of all, could anyone fill me in on their experience of the screening process? Just how deep do they dig?

Thanks! confused

user1493413286 Sun 17-Sep-17 11:14:20

As a social worker unless you're going to be caring for the child or living at your mums house I can't see a reason for them to look at your background. They'll talk to your mum about her parenting experiences and they may want to talk to you about your mums parenting but I can't see that they would look into your background and also you'd have to give permission for any of those checks. If they did police checks it would only matter in as much as anything was a risk to the child so you as a victim it wouldn't have an effect as long as you aren't in a relationship currently where there is domestic abuse.
There's various fostering agencies out there or the fostering network who might be able to give you more information

flapjackfairy Sun 17-Sep-17 11:21:02

Yes dont panic. My grown up children living at home sre nspcc checked and dbs checked ( old crb ) but that only shows up convictions. If you are not living at home then no need at all for checks. You dont need to be checked to visit or stay over just to live with the child.

Mammy2myboy Wed 27-Sep-17 08:41:58

Hi there, I'm a social work who does assessment to approve foster carers. If someone is going to look after the child or lives in the home we would do a PVG or police check (based in Scotland) we would always speak with the applicant's children too. Please don't worry, the sw should be experienced in dealing with this and accepting towards any issues that people have experienced in the family. I can assure you that there is not one assessment I've been involved in where there wasn't some form of difficulty that has been present at some point. These experiences give you the skills and knowledge in supporting others and shouldn't be looked at as a problem. Your therapy notes won't be dragged up. I work for a private agency and if you regularly stay over we would consider doing a disclosure but all agencies are different. PLEASE don't worry. If I assessed someone who had a perfect life and had never been in/known anyone who'd been in bother- id be more worried! Just be honest with how you're feeling too. Hope this helps x

BigBaboonBum Thu 09-Nov-17 16:15:17

Hi, my mum fosters and I had a check (cbs as I recall) just because I babysat for the children she has two siblings for a few hours and will be doing again in December, so I had to be approved properly. She also sat down with me and my children and had a chat - she was lovely, not at all intrusive, didn’t ask me anything about my past, just general questions and asked my children what sort of things they liked to do and general questions to possibly gauge their happiness (I assume). Although we had already had extensive chats with another lady before my mum came a foster parent as they wanted first hand how my mother was (my step dads children also did it).
I don’t imagine your therapy has anything to do with it at all, my mother herself had been depressed in the past, albeit many moons ago, and she’s a wonderful foster parent/parent/grandmother.

RicottaPancakes Thu 09-Nov-17 16:18:31

What is an NSPCC check?

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