Fostering and birth children

[Primaryteach87]

Hi,
Can anyone talk to me about fostering with our own children. We have two very young children and would be interested in forstering primary school children. Is this feasible?

[Primaryteach87]

For more details I'm a stay at home parent but previously worked professionally with children aged 3-11 years.

[Claramarion]

Hi

If you go with an agency they generally get teenagers although do get some younger children. Local authority foster carers generally get younger children.

I am only speaking from experience here I would seriously think about the age through as much as when I have fostered teenagers this has come with issues most of these issues have been outside of my house. Younger children can be more draining and also my children are more jealous of the younger children as they want more hugs and more of my time. My children were 6 8 and 13 when I first started fostering they are now 12 13 and 18 and overall have preferred the teenagers I have fostered

[Primaryteach87]

Thanks that's really helpful. I hadn't thought about fostering teenagers but certainly something to consider. How much say do you have in which children are placed with you? So could you say you could only really look after a teenager who was in school (apart from normal sickness, odd day exclusions etc)? My fear is having a teen to care for alongside my little ones, if they have been excluded and only getting 2 hours tutoring/day for months while the LA find a school place...

[Claramarion]

I've had referrals that have been teens that have been not been in school and I have just refused I'm with an ifa and have never been forced to take anyone so can say no at any time. I've had a few children with the odd exclusion and that can be hard but they've generally back in school after a few days.

[Primaryteach87]

How have you found teens behaviour. We really want to being caring and supportive but have to consider the impact on our two small children as well. So for everyone's sake wouldn't want to take on more than we could manage.

[user1477428082]

I have a 13 year old foster girl and 2 birth sons aged 19 and 15. It is incredibly hard work trying to keep the household happy. She could start an argument in an empty room which is incredibly draining, as adults we are able to ignore her when she is trying to engage us to argue with her but for my sons they find it difficult and sometimes 'bite back' and that's when the fun really starts!!!
Having said that, we've fostered younger children and that was much harder as they need a lot more input as they found it more difficult to entertain themselves.
My circle of friends mainly do teens now and each of us have issues with what generally tends to come with teens ie alcohol, drugs, staying out all night, school exclusions etc.
I started fostering when my children were 10 and 14 and looking back now wish I'd waited until they were older as I've had some very difficult placements which at times has left my own kids traumatised however that was more from the younger end than the teens.

[FairyTreeHouse]

Hi Primary. My son had just turned 3 when our first foster child arrived. We've had four kids over the last year, age range from 5 to 13. He's loved all of them...he's still of an age where he only thinks good things about people...

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer about how old your kids should be, or what age FC would best fit with your family. It just comes down to the individuals. But, I'm of a similar view to Claramarion though, in that younger children will have similar needs to your own children and this may cause jealousies or demands on your time that make it difficult to meet everyone's needs, whereas teens' needs are very different to a 3 yr old's needs, and so can be easier to juggle. Impossible to predict though...and that's what makes it difficult...

[greencybermummy]

I would agree with the others. Anything close to your own children is hard to manage and means you can't care properly because you end up very conflicted. The children in care usually have many struggles and don't think of you as kind people who want to help (okay I'm generalising) so there can be difficult behaviours to manage. Also they often present with delayed development so need more help playing, dressing, entertaining themselves etc which can be difficult with your own children. Teens have their own challenges.......and you never really know until the child/young person is with you.

[lifetothefull]

We fostered much younger than birth children. I know someone who fosters much older than birth son. You don't have to take anyone and you can specify an age range. You just have to be prepared to say no.