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special guardian advice - violent biological dad

(6 Posts)
Nugget2016 Sun 12-Feb-17 20:52:28

Hi all, just after a bit of help really, im currently in the process of sgo or fostering for my great nephew, him and his mum lived with me from birth, as he was on a protection plan, however at 5 weeks old an incident occurred and following that, he was placed in foster care..
almost 6 months later, ive had a negative assessment, which was unfairly done and the social worker was challenged, therefore judge granted an independent social worker to assess and extended the next court date

however, when the question of contact comes up, its like everything i say is the wrong thing. The dad is violent, has been in prison, and does know where i live. However didnt come near the property when his ex and their baby was living with me.

he does currently have contact with his son, as does the babies mum, whist the court proceedings are still taking place,
the independent assessor is going to ask me what wiuld i do if dad turns up out of arranged contact etc
now in the past i said, i wouldnt answer and would call the police, due to his violent history... but it seemed this was the wrong thing to say. i just dont want to get another negative on a hypothetical situation cause to be perfectly honest, his dad barely goes to contact and wouldnt bother coming to my house anyway

but if i fail then this baby is going to get adopted, so theres a lot of pressure for me to say the rigth things
so if anyone has any advice that would be great,
thank you

OwlInAnOakTree Mon 13-Feb-17 07:36:09

Gosh that all sounds very stressful and difficult for you. Did the SW/judge tell you that the way you would deal with Dad coming to the door was actually wrong? I think the only thing I would say differently would be that I would remind him of the court order and ask him to leave (though the door, I wouldn't open it) and only then, if he didn't leave, I would call the police. Making sure that your great nephew was away from all this happening, in another room so that he didn't see/hear his Dad if at all possible.....

I wonder if they're wanting you to say that you would move, to protect your great nephew against this kind of thing happening?

Mallejha Tue 14-Feb-17 10:00:31

I am in a similar situation and also looking for some advice. My niece is currently in foster care and I am being assessed for fostering/sgo. My brother has mental health issues and can become violent. We have had no incidents at our house with him for over 4 years however damage was caused to my vehicle last night and whilst i cannot prove it, i know it was him as yesterday certain information i had given the SW came to light and he wasn't too happy about it. I'm now concerned they will not let my niece come to me as they will say he could come to the house again. any ideas? We're installing CCTV and the house already has police flags due to his violence. he lives about 10 minutes away. We have his other daughter regularly at weekends and holidays and have done without issue for over 10 years. i know it's the stress of court proceedings etc that has tipped him over the edge but i'm worried this will ruin everything now.

Nugget2016 Tue 14-Feb-17 13:21:59

well im not sure if i can move out cause of the time frame - the house is assessed for its safety as well as me being assessed, so i dont think its feasible
obviously if he was turning up every day i would have to consider moving for my own safety and sanity - but its a really big IF
neither judge or SW said it was wrong as such what i said, just that the fact that dad intimidates me is an issue
but SW herself said shes scared of him cause hes so unpredictable - even his probation officer was uncomfortable with him and theyre professionals
its such a stressing situation

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Tue 14-Feb-17 13:42:59

If the child is adopted will contact with biological dad cease? So is the judge wondering if a 'fresh start' is best? In which case maybe emphasise in your answer that the biological dad has never turned up at your house, and maybe try to think about 'dealing with him' a bit more before phoning police - eg as a poster said above, tell him through door when next contact is? Although if you are fearing violence from him your answer to just phone police actually sounds more sensible.

Where is contact with the biological dad held at the moment? Is this intended to continue long term?

Nugget2016 Tue 14-Feb-17 14:41:07

if he gets adopted contacted will be seized - if he comes to me on an SGO or fostering i can imagine they will continue contact even if it is minimal
at the moment mum and dad see in in a contact centre and the contact is supervised

he is currently back in prison, although i dont know for how long and may not even be granted any contact in the future.
it could go either way - all i know is the baby definitely wont be getting returned to either parent

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