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Nervous about new placement

9 replies

Theirishwan · 09/12/2016 21:34

I have a 13 yo girl moving in tomorrow morning.

I was asked to take her about 2 months ago but I said no because I work in the school she goes to and didn't want our home / school life overlapping.

Her recent placement has broken down and they are desperate to place her before Christmas. I've expressed my concerns and I've been told that lots of help ad interventions will be put in place.

I've had difficult teens with me before and we got on with it but I'm nervous about this one. I really Wat it to work out.

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DefinitelyNotAJourno · 09/12/2016 22:05

Good luck whatever happens, nobody goes into this job to do anything other than try their best for the children, so even if things don't work out, I'm sure you'll make a positive impact in some way.

I reckon it's healthy to be nervous. We are taking on a big task on behalf of these children, and a little nervousness shows you're treating the task with the respect and thought it requires.

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Theirishwan · 09/12/2016 22:32

Thank you. I really want her to be happy here and for it to work out.

I'm sure we will many issues and situations to work through. I sat my 2 dd's down this evening and explained that there will probably be many tantrums with her swearing at me etc and that it will be her way of expressing stuff going on from her past and for them to try ignore and not take any of it personally against them or me.

I think ss will arrange for a regular counsellor for us to vent to, if necessary. Oh god, are we doing the right thing?

I love fostering and really want it to work out.

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Arkay · 10/12/2016 16:07

Are you usually nervous about a new placement, or is this girl causing more nerves than normal? Any particular reason, or just a gut feeling?

Have you already agreed to her coming? Good luck if you have. You sound experienced in teens, I'm sure you'll be really good for her.

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Theirishwan · 11/12/2016 11:38

Hi Arkay, your question really made me think

I'm usually apprehensive about new placements. Although I do respite care for other foster families and not nervous about them, my longer term placements have been troubled teenage girls.

So far, We've been fairly lucky and haven't had too many issues and still keep in touch with those who left after turning 18 to move in with a boyfriend or going onto uni there is still the unknown for us.

I suppose this time I'm more nervous/apprehensive because she goes to the school I work in so it will be 24/7 and I know this is a concern for her too.

Well, she arrived yesterday with a lot of screaming and shouting before hand. When she came into the house she immediately relaxed and said she thought I was someone else from the school (we don't come across each other often in the school). I showed her to her room and she said 'oh its lovely'

Within minutes, she was chatting away to my 16 yo daughter as if they had known each other years.

When I was dropping her to see her friends in the afternoon, she said that she really wants it to work out here and agreed that we will sit down with her social worker Monday evening and make plans for the next few weeks.

She still has a relationship with the foster family that she was with for 12 years (from a baby) and she will stay with them 1 night a week and will go to them from Christmas eve till St. Stephens day. She loves them but fights them so cant live with them full-time.

Wish us luck but I have a good feeling now that the first night is over with.

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Arkay · 11/12/2016 12:15

Sounds like a really positive start. How sad for everyone that her previous placement broke down after such a long time together.

Good that your family will have some respite with her overnights and holidays.

Good luck! Hopefully it'll be good for all of you.

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Summerwood1 · 02/01/2017 22:50

How's things going now op?

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Theirishwan · 02/01/2017 23:11

Hi. So far so good (touch wood). We've only had one little bump in the road so far. She gets on great with my dd and also my dn, who is the same age.

She told her sw that she thinks she has found her forever home and really wants it to work out here.

We are really hopeful so fingers crossed it will work out.

Thank you for asking.

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CauliflowerSqueeze · 02/01/2017 23:16

Wow that's such a fabulous thing you are doing. For her to be so positive this early on is great. Hope it works out ok in school (assume she goes back tomorrow or Wednesday?)

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Theirishwan · 02/01/2017 23:41

We are not back to school here till next Monday.

She knows she has to attend school everyday as this was a problem in previous placements.

im feeling very positive about things.

The only cloud on the horizon is that we've a holiday booked for the Feb midterm and we won't be able to take her with us. I told the sw this before she came to us. I've looked into adding her onto the holiday but it's not feasible. I feel so guilty about it. But we are going away again for a couple of nights at Easter so will bring her with us then.