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First time private fostering

(2 Posts)
Em77ma Fri 01-Jul-16 21:12:33

Hi! I'm new here!
I've been private fostering a lad for almost a year. His Dad lives close by and he's always had contact - weekends usually. The lad is a teenager though so contact has been hit and miss - sons choice.
Despite the social worker advising me to, I never claimed child benefit etc... For him, his Dad would occasionally give me the weekly child benefit but not always. It was never about the money and I wasn't in need of it. Anyway about a month ago I claimed for the child benefit. Within days his Dad had been informed and he rang him and was fuming that his money had been stopped - I didn't know but he'd also been claiming tax credits. That week he asked if he could give his Dad his pocket money (that I give him) to help him out, I said no.
Then out of the blue he says he wants to go back and live with his Dad. There were very specific reasons he isn't living with his Dad, and these haven't changed. When I asked, he just says he misses his Dad but prior to this he didn't even go weekly. It was all so sudden and such a turn around.
Children's services are saying that they can't stop him leaving but will obvious monitor him closely because of what's happened in the past (he was in foster care prior to coming to us) the CIN meeting showed that everyone had gone from 9's (no concerns) to 6/7's because of the impending change.
I feel so angry, not ready to let him go, not when nothing has changed and he might end up sleeping rough again. I also feel used (by his Dad)
I was considering applying to become a foster carer but I think this has put me off

Mediumplate Fri 15-Jul-16 10:38:23

This sounds like a very difficult situation for you and young people's loyalty to parents who have been abusive or neglectful can be hard to ubderstand but you appear to have cared well for this young person and should try and maintain a positive relationship with them as that will be a real protective factor in his life fling forward. Could you come to some sort of shared care arrangement where you look after the boy a couple of days a week so you can keep tabs on him and also the door is open should things at dad's not work out?

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