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new foster carer

(4 Posts)
mpyoung23 Fri 13-May-16 22:06:12

Hi, I'm not sure if anyone can help me with this but I did not know who else to ask. My husband and I have very recently started fostering, my husband is the main carer and for the past few weeks we have done nothing but argue and disagree over the issues we have faced and I have realised tonight that I am the problem as I am struggling to understand my role in all this, part of me is trying to be a 50/50 parent role but then part of me feels like I shouldn't be taking over his job and I should step back and let him take the lead. Is this normal and does anyone have any tips??

Twopots Sat 14-May-16 10:46:47

If he is the one doing the main caring I would leave him to set rules boundaries etc, but I would also take the child/ren out occasionally to give him some time to regroup. If you are really concerned about any behaviours etc sit down when the child/ren are not present to see what his opinions are and to discuss strategies so you are both singing from the same song sheet, all children esp children who have had a tough start need consistency and clear boundaries - also if possible try and make time for just the two of you child free, hope that helps good luck smile

Kitsandkids Sat 14-May-16 11:14:38

What kind of issues have you been arguing about?

fasparent Sat 14-May-16 21:56:50

When there are two of you, yes one will be listed as No one carer the other No two
carer both have a shared roll as carer's, JUST have too , do things togeather where possable, I do all paperwork, reviews, hubby does contacts and night stuff such as feeds leaves one of us fresh for the day . or we may reverse the roll's , hubby is quite good at education and support areas so this helps.
THESE ARE some areas you could discuss all though as you say you are new too
it all, sure you will find that doing things togeather works better, and your confidence and experience will grow in time as will the childrens confidence grow in yourself's.
wish you all the best.

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