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I just reported a foster parent I know for child abuse

(28 Posts)
MysticMugBug Wed 29-Jul-15 13:34:24

I've been wanting to do it for a while, but didn't know it would be treated with confidentiality.
The foster carer emotionally abuses her foster children and openly admits to do the job solely for financial gain.
Boy, I feel good

FannyFanakapan Wed 29-Jul-15 13:57:19

well done. But please dont be surprised if she wiggles out of it. Its sad but there are a lot of FCs in it for the money.

Alfieisnoisy Wed 29-Jul-15 14:01:14

Am glad you've done this. Most foster parents I have met are amazing people who open their homes and hearts to children and young people who need it. A minority though are not like this and will abuse the children in their care.

Cassimin Wed 29-Jul-15 16:25:36

Well done you.
People like this should not be allowed to work with children, especially vulnerable ones who've had a bad start anyway.
Hopefully she will be fully investigated and never be permitted to foster again.
Can't understand how people think they can make easy money. It's easier to work in a supermarket. You have set hours and the hourly rate is better! Not to mention holiday and sick pay.

MysticMugBug Wed 29-Jul-15 16:38:24

foster mother is a lazy, snobbish cow, that's why.

Gymbob Wed 29-Jul-15 21:07:14

wow, well done. we do hear about bad ones from time to time.

I remember hearing about one who forced her fdd to use a wheelchair so she could get more money shock that was many years ago though

riveravon23 Sun 02-Aug-15 12:04:20

I applaud your decision, OP. My own adopted children had terrible experiences with an awful foster carer. That was one of the reasons I later decided to become a foster carer myself.

However, not sure being a "snobbish cow" is counted as being abusive.

Neednewflowers Mon 03-Aug-15 14:04:04

How does she abuse the child OP?

I hope this isn't just a personal gripe you have against her. The comment ' lazy snobbish cow ' makes me think it is.

scarlet5tyger Mon 03-Aug-15 14:57:58

If the foster carer is openly admitting doing this for financial reasons then she must be crazy!! I think there's some cause for concern. Not sure about being a lazy, snobbish cow though - we've been pretty lazy here today and spent the day colouring and doing jigsaws, and I can be fairly snobbish myself on occasion!

MysticMugBug Mon 03-Aug-15 17:33:05

Hiya, sorry I didn't elaborate... I didn't want it to be a long post or out myself!
Neednewflowers, it's more than that, as I've said! angry It's not a revengeful action. Emotional abuse is what it is.
Foster mum treats fostered children as an inconvenience, she is cold towards them, feeds them different food and I have witnessed her saying:
'It'll do for (insert foster child's name)'.
She talks openly about how much she earns for them and is not any way empathetic with regards to the children's past or how it has affected them.
Amongst so many other things, FM has disposed of toys that she deems dirty/broken/annoying even if they are sentimental to the child.

Sorry, the 'lazy snobbish cow' comment was because I know her personally and don't like those qualities. They contribute somewhat to the situation.

riveravon23 Tue 04-Aug-15 03:07:20

Oh dear, if you were in my house tonight you would have seen that I fed my foster children different food too. Actually it was because they'd been good today and I said they could decide what they wanted for tea - they chose beans on toast rather than the chicken casserole the rest of us had.

Sadly, on occasion, I also have had to throw away things that may have been sentimental too - just on pure safety grounds.

I use the above examples just to stress that you perhaps may not know the whole story. However, if you DO have the whole story, and are certain of your faces then you are doing the right thing in reporting the situation.

ps doing it for money??? LOL I worked out I get 70p an hour for a primary school age child - the reality being we are surviving on savings!!

MysticMugBug Tue 04-Aug-15 09:56:07

I 100% know the whole story.

flyhigh Tue 18-Aug-15 18:01:46

I'm interested to know what the outcome has been if any from you reporting the foster carer OP?

futforbaby Tue 18-Aug-15 18:08:21

Well done and I'm glad there are people like you. You should feel very proud of yourself. You have my full support.

MoriartyIsMyAngel Tue 18-Aug-15 18:58:16

As the foster parent above said, the claims made by the OP are not evidence of abuse or neglect. The OP seems to have a vendetta against the woman (lazy snobbish cow), and it will be a shame if a perfectly good foster parent is put under stress or feels she has to stop because of spiteful reports!

flyhigh Tue 18-Aug-15 19:32:53

That's similar to my views [Moriarty] which is why I was wondering about the outcome.......

Backinthe1960s Sat 22-Aug-15 17:58:51

I would like to hear more. My foster parents didn't love me in any way but they were not cruel or nasty either - they did it for the money like lots did in the 1960s and 1970s.

heerapl Mon 24-Aug-15 12:34:10

As an experienced Fostering Manager, I think that the majority of foster carers do an absolutely amazing job and don't receive anywhere near the amount of recognition they deserve.

It would be worth mentioning that 'abuse' is a carefully categorised term and I can't see that the explanations given would be considered child abuse but more standards of care.

It would be interesting to hear how this ends and I sincerely hope it gets the right outcome. Too many good carers give up their role due to unfair criticism from others. However, if this person is in the wrong then of course I hope they get the result they deserve as these are the ones that give carers a bad name.

bikeandrun Mon 24-Aug-15 12:38:46

There is nothing wrong with doing fostering as a job, and no reason children that are old enough to understand this to be aware of it. Fostering as a job or as a selfless vocation still has better outcomes than children's homes.

StanSmithsChin Mon 24-Aug-15 12:40:15

What an odd post confused You are gloating, you feel good.....yet a child I your words is being abused. I would feel worried, distressed, guilty I hadn't acted sooner but at no point would I feel good.

I truly hope you are right OP and that this isn't some personal vendetta. You don't sound like somebody concerned for child welfare, you sound like someone who just wanted to get one over on the FM hmm

heerapl Mon 24-Aug-15 12:57:05

Whilst I'm on here, I'm setting up a new fostering agency in Sussex and have been speaking to foster carers to get feedback on what they feel makes a good fostering service. It will aim to have a supportive, family feel, be involved in local community and events and very different from the many agencies that have been bought out by venture capitalists.

I've had some interest from people already which is great but I would welcome any views from experienced people or any other things as discussed above that carers have queries about.

MysticMugBug Tue 25-Aug-15 22:09:23

'Lazy, snobbish cow' was a bit out of context, sorry. I was just annoyed about some the comments and assumptions she has made about societal groups.
I shouldn't have let that get in the way.
It is real abuse, although not physical or sexual.
Emotional because the foster children are treated negatively and there is no effort for her to treat them like her own.
To add to this, she disclosed confidential information about the fc's backgrounds and showed me their relations on Facebook. I don't think that's ok.
I am annoyed at her, but I want to tell you that it is for the right reasons.
If she was a good foster mother that had a personality I didn't like, I wouldn't poke my nose in.
In response to a comment, I comprehend that families can't always be engrossed in out of house activities, but the fc's are treated markedly differently with less opportunities.
I have a teaching assistant qualification and have therefore studied all types of abuse and this is.
Seriously, I am a reasonable person that doesn't want these vulnerable children to be hurt further.
I have asked other people that know both the fm and I well for their opinions and they are both. Both of the individuals asked feel the same way as me and one has made it their business to talk to her about it.
Yes, I am angry at the fm, but out of everything, I want the best for the impressional young girls.

MysticMugBug Tue 25-Aug-15 22:14:07

I told the full story in my teaching assistant evening class and the lecturer was appalled.
I hate being accused of being interfering and/or gloaty, because I'm not like that. The lazy snobbish cow comment made my case seem biased, but whilst I do feel she is one it is not related to her fm abilities and I'm sorry I felt the need to include it.

ReallyTired Tue 25-Aug-15 22:19:22

If a foster parent cannot resist the temptation to post about their foster kids on Facebook then they are in the wrong job. I see nothing wrong with treating bring a foster carer as a livelyhood provided it is done professionally. There would be many advantages if foster parents were paid enough to be full time carers and get suitable training.

If you see child abuse and do nothing about it then you become an abuser.

Aquamarine70 Sat 29-Aug-15 13:29:03

I'm glad you reported her. I was abused by my foster parents. I lived with them for 12 years. They treated their own children differently. My brother & I had no birthday/Xmas presents. No new clothes or toys. Their own kids had everything. They fostered kids for money. We were sent to school with no food. I now have osteoporosis as I wasn't fed properly. They were a Christian family & ran a children's home. We had to go to church twice on a Sunday, read the bible & had to learn passages from the bible & stand up & recite them. We had to say grace & thank the lord for the food on our plate. We had to eat it all & kids would be vomiting in their plates as were too full or didn't like the food. I used to have to spit food out & hide it in my pockets to throw it away. I ended up anorexic. My parents died when I was a baby & I had no other family. I tried to tell social services what they were like but they didn't believe me. I can see how kids are abused in care. I now suffer long term depression because of them.

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