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How do you deal with others referring to you as fc "mummy"

(6 Posts)
willitbe Thu 30-Apr-15 12:15:04

I am finding it hard to know how to react when people assume I am my foster child's mother.

Going out to the shops etc, people saying "aren't you good for mummy", or "pass that to mummy" etc. It is more so with this foster child as they look like me.

But unfortunately it really upsets our foster child as they then start asking for and looking around for their mummy and daddy.

I quickly correct the person saying "I am not his / her mummy", but this causes discomfort for the person I am talking to too.

How do you deal with it? Any tips?

wonderpants Thu 30-Apr-15 15:01:29

I just correct with my first name, 'ooooh pass that to Wonder, good girl', if need be, I just quietly say nicely, I'm looking after her and wander off with a smile. I correct, but minimise as much as I can. I could be a childminder, an Aunty, granny (just about).
It gets easier with practice, honest!

wonderpants Thu 30-Apr-15 15:03:42

Don't worry about other peoples discomfort, you are probably projecting your own unease. It is perfectly normal to be out with other people's children!

Kitsandkids Fri 01-May-15 07:29:12

How long have you had the child? It might be something she gets used to in time. My 2 boys don't bat an eyelid when someone calls me mum when we're out. They used to say 'she's not my mum, she's aunty Kits' but now they don't correct it. In fact, recently they've been telling people they meet that I'm their mum, but they've been with me nearly a year now.

I would just say, as a pp said, that you're just looking after her and leave it at that.

willitbe Fri 01-May-15 13:00:37

Thank you for all the comments.

It is more because it is upsetting our fosterchild because she starts looking around for her mummy and daddy, she keeps looking around saying mummy, daddy for a couple of minutes afterwards. I hate having to say afterwards to the fosterchild, "no, sorry mummy is not here today, you will see her on xday". She has been with me nearly a year. There is very frequent access and she knows who is her mummy.

I suppose it is that having to say that her mummy/daddy is not here to her, that I find difficult, rather than the dealing with the people who make assumptions really. It is my first time having a toddler, all my previous fosterchildren have been older, and it was easier to explain and/or they did not want to be with their parents anyway. This LO really wants to be with her parents, and does not understand.

Twopots Fri 01-May-15 22:14:12

I say 'I'm not her mum I'm just borrowing her, she's gorgeous isn't she!' The conversation is then at how gorgeous she is and not who I am. Most think I'm baby sitting, but I feel better as it's the truth, I'm just lucky enough to borrow them for a few months x

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