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Is anyone offered a type of 'bereavement' counselling by their LA or IFA when a placement finishes?

(2 Posts)
postitnotes Wed 10-Dec-14 12:09:59

Interested to find out how other foster carers cope with the feelings of loss when a placement finishes.

Our LA offers a buddy system and there is a good support network arranged by the foster carers themselves. However, the foster carers are not trained in counselling and it seems that a lot of the support offered actually does not validate the feelings of loss of bereavement suffered by the carer and family. For example, "Chin up", "You'll feel better when the next one comes along" and stories of how other foster carers have had it much worse (death of a child, child being returned abroad with no further contact). You wouldn't say these kind of things to someone whose child had died so why is it ok to say to a foster carer!? It's as though you're not allowed to show your grief.

The sense of heartbreak at the end of a placement is very real, and I wonder if other carers have access to support in this respect. Also wonder if it is would be seen as a kind of weakness by your LA/IFA if you did access such a service?

newfostercarer Tue 16-Dec-14 11:12:54

It does seem like when we are being assessed a lot is placed on how well we will cope when our foster child leaves, and therefore to show too much grief when a child leaves would then be seen as a weakness. That is my impression where I am anyway. We got a lot of training on transitions, welcoming and moving on for the child, but nothing really on how we feel unfortunately. I too would be interested in knowing if it is different elsewhere. One thing I would appreciate (but that does not happen), is for our supporting social worker or the child social worker, to give updates about the child to the foster carer, as in my case I can cope with the child moving on better if I know all is well for him or her.

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