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Niece going into Foster Care... Advice please!

(10 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

notsurewhattodo123 Fri 11-Apr-14 21:24:50


Sorry I know this is a bit different to what is usually posted in here but I was looking for some 'normal peoples' wink opinions.

My niece has been taken off my sister due to drug problems. She has been with me for a few weeks, but I have been staying at a relatives house with her. I'm in my early twenties, up until a few weeks ago I was living with parents. The relative that I have been staying with has now said that we can't stay here anymore after Sunday. As a result of this, my niece is being placed with a different relative for a few weeks, but will ultimately be placed in foster care (this other relative will not be suitable for long term care)

I feel completely lost. After having my niece for weeks I am now going to lose her, I have now fallen out with my sister as she feels the situation with the relative that I have been staying with is partly my fault. I know it's not, but in her mind she thinks it is.

I'm only 22 and have been completely weighed down for the last few weeks, i do not have my own property, I'm single, and am not financially ready to be taking on a child. My situation is completely wrong, but I feel empty at the prospect of losing my niece. I'm constantly juggling everyone else's wishes and wants.

Sorry if this is rambling on, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking for people's opinions on - has anyone had any experience with having a relative in foster care? How did you find it?

Any replies will be great.

Thanks x

Selks Fri 11-Apr-14 21:32:57

I don't have any experience myself, but I was a social worker with looked after children, so I know it from that side.
The main advice I would give, assuming to wish to remain in your Niece's life, is to keep in contact with the social worker, and let it be known that you are a significant person in her life, and that you wish to have regular contact with her - assuming your Niece will want to maintain contact with you. Sometimes you have to push for this and keep on speaking to social services about it until it happens, but it should be in every looked-after children's care plan that contact with significant family members is maintained.
It's lovely that you care for your Niece so much, and it sounds like your relationship with her will be an emotionally sustaining thing for her as she settles in to care.
I wish you all well on this journey.

LowLevelWhinging Fri 11-Apr-14 21:41:50

I was going to say similar to selks.

I'm only a newly qualified social worker with adults, but what I have learnt is that it's the families that are really pro-active ('pester, mither, whinge, nag' whatever!) that get taken notice of, and ultimately their wishes listened to, in amongst the piles of waiting lists and paperwork.

If you are serious about being part of your niece's life (and if it's the best for her) then keep at it! Be co-operative and show that you can provide what she needs.

Good luck.

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 13-Apr-14 14:00:37


Really sorry to hear about your situation.

We're afraid the Bloggers topic is really for talking about MN Blogs, so we've moved this to Fostering now.

suzylee73 Sun 13-Apr-14 15:16:09

I'm sorry to hear your story it must be really hard for you to deal with.

From a foster carers point of view I have a huge say in who my kids have contact with and how that happens. I would be more than happy to help a child keep in contact with an important relative, obviously as long as its safe and good for the child. So show that your willing, consistent and a good role model smile you don't need to lose her from your life

fasparent Tue 15-Apr-14 00:56:11

Have two children who have unsupervised contact with family members
auntie's and grandparents , all-day contact , started supervised, then one hour unsupervised. Both are now SGO's but continue contact and length and amount of contact left too our digression with court approval.
Contact with BP's is supervised. All was done gradual over a period of years too establish trust and children are very happy and look forward too their days out with their family.

alita7 Thu 17-Apr-14 17:10:05

social workers on here is there not any help that can be got for op if she wanted to foster her niece? op you didn't say If you wanted to though I got the impression you would if you could?

When dp and I got custody of his daughter we were temporarily staying with his parents so had no where for her to go. We couldn't get social housing due to a problem with local connections as dsd wasnt already with us and couldn't wait that long anyway! ss were very helpful in the end (after a lot of pushing from us!) if you want any more info feel free to private message me, but don't want to put things on publically as they asked us to keep it quiet.

VivaLeBeaver Thu 17-Apr-14 17:14:22

Can you not ask for advice about what you'd be entitled to if you fostered your niece. Would you get to the top of the queue for a council prop? Then you'd be entitled to financial help, child benefit, maybe stuff like working family tax credits, even fostering allowance?

I don't know but hope you can sort something.

excitedmamma Thu 17-Apr-14 23:35:09

well SuzyLee.. that is the first time that I've ever heard that a Foster Carer has ANY say in who a child in their care has contact with.

I used to be a foster carer and HAD NO SAY in anything like that.

You must be with a very good LA/Agency... well done

crazyauntie Fri 18-Apr-14 14:52:46

Hi notsure. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Have you thought about applying a residential order? It will take a lot of work and time but social will help you find housing you will get a allowance each week? My mum has my niece under residential order and it toke her 8 months to finalise and get the final court order. If you have anymore questions feel free to pm smile x

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