Permanency fostering questions

[TittyNotSusan]

Does anyone have a DC that is with them on a permanency fostering placement?

Do you think it's a comparable family set-up to adoption, or is there always a bit of a barrier because of the legal difference?

For example, do you refer to BM as mum and you by name still? Do you consider them as "there until 18" or part of the family for life?

If you have BC do you try to treat them the same or is that impossible given the fact they have their own family?

Also what level of supervision / involvement do you have with SW? Do they tend to disappear once the child is settled?

Sorry if these are clumsy questions - I'm just trying to get a feel for how it works in reality.

[Roshbegosh]

It isn't like adoption and they still have parents (if they had before) to have contact with and call mum and dad. They might also call you mum but might not want to. They will stay to 18 and hopefully will stay on as part of the family afterwards.
The difference is that SW visits reduce a lot and the child has the stability of knowing they won't be moving around again which is enormously helpful for them. It is more like a normal childhood experience for them.

[suzylee73]

I have 2 permanent placements who have been with me since primary school age. After around 3 years they started calling me mum and I refer to BM by her name. I don't have any BC's and I treat them like they are mine If I were to have my own, in my eyes they would all be siblings.
To a certain degree we are like an adoptive family and that's how it feels but social services still visit every 3 months and they still have reviews etc so I don't have the freedom adoption would give.
I do however get a fostering allowance which means I don't have to work and can be a full time mum.
It's a huge commitment taking on a permanent placement but very rewarding and its what the kids need.

[TittyNotSusan]

Thanks both of you.

suzy that's really interesting, because I imagine it's a bit of a balancing act making sure that you respect the fact that they still have the relationship with their birth family, but also making sure they feel very much part of your family.

Obviously I realise there is a legal difference, I just wasn't sure how much it would feel like there was an emotional difference.

[sweetmelissa]

I too have a permanent placement. He is as dear to us as our four adopted children, they also love him as a brother. I hope he feels the same about us. Our relationship will be for life (I hope!!) and our extended family consider and treat him the same as our children.

He calls us by our first names but we would always call him our son publically, as he would refer to us as his parents....it took a little time to get to that stage though.

Every few months when we have a statutory SW visit, or when a review comes up, we remember "oh yes, he's fostered" (LOL) but on a day to day basis it makes little difference. We just have the bare minimum of visits now. He has only very limited contact with extended members of his birth family and none at all with his parents/siblings. It isn't an issue.

Occasionally there might be an issue. For instance we are not very happy with his school, and when this occurred many years ago with our adopted children we removed them, but obviously SS opinion has to be considered now.

So emotionally there is no difference for us, it's just the legal difference popping it's head up now and again.