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Very New

(6 Posts)
twinkie81 Thu 20-Feb-14 11:09:33

Hi, I'm very new to this, we have had our permanent placement with us for a week now and I feel terrible. He's a really nice 7 year old boy who apart from a few very normal teething problems with my younger BD has been great but I feel absolutely nothing. My partner admitted last night that he "doesn't really like him."
Are we putting too much pressure on ourselves to feel something for a complete stranger because he's here forever. Will we develop feelings for him over time or should we be worried?
It's been a very intense half term!
Thanks very much

ghostinthecanvas Thu 20-Feb-14 15:59:03

Don't panic. Don't put pressure on yourselves to fall in love. Remember your boy will be very unsure of you, possibly not like you guys much either!! Maybe he is making sure you don't like him? He is 7 and in a new home. It will take a long time for you all to gel together. A little concerning that your partner doesn't like him, encourage them to do something fun together. Something with no pressure if it starts to go wrong. I always find colouring or jigsaws are good for bonding. Congratulations BTW. Good luck with it all.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 20-Feb-14 16:08:29

You absolutely will develop feelings over time. Love and care are actions so make sure you do things for him and your partner does too - the feelings will follow.

It took me months to feel strongly about our permanent placement - one day some little fucker at school bullied her and suddenly it kicked in.

Another child was much harder work but I did eventually appreciate him.

fasparent Thu 20-Feb-14 17:44:36

May quite probable he feels the same, may have experienced loss, low self esteem , lack of confidence , will all take time have too be understanding and non judgemental at this early stage, every thing you say is understandable , Children react too new placement in many way's
it is just a matter of time, All mine take too DH spends a lot of daddy time with them ,walk's, visit too park, shop's small things easy too fit in
whilst cooking lunch etc.

suzylee73 Thu 20-Feb-14 18:06:10

Don't feel bad if you don't take to him tho, I mean do you like every person you meet?! I have been fostering for ten years and have not liked every single one of them. Quite honestly disliked a couple of them.
Saying that it is early days and school holidays can be difficult. Good luck smile

Fathertedfan Thu 20-Feb-14 19:28:04

Fostering takes a long time to get in the swing of. When we started we had a brilliant supervising social worker. He told us to see each placement as a piece of work and to do the job that we had undertaken to our best ability. If you can view yourself and what you are doing as a professional working as part of a team it may take the pressure off yourself. You are doing your best for this little boy, keeping him safe, looking after his needs and helping him grow. You may find you grow To love him but in the meantime, you're doing just fine.

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