Clothing/pocket money allowances

[freddiefrog]

We have a 16 year old and her clothing allowance was agreed as £60 per month. She gets £15 a month for mobile phone credit (has a plan for calls/texts/bbm) and £20 a week pocket money

She came out of a secure unit a little while ago and needed a whole new wardrobe.

So, took her shopping and we bought a capsule wardrobe - jeans, tops, jumpers, shoes, a coat, etc, all chosen by her.

She's also had her clothing allowance for this month - wanted some summery stuff, and some ballet flat type shoes.

We also treat her to odd bits and bobs if we're out and see something we think she'll like.

The thing is, she's really careless with her stuff - she left her ballet flats outside last night and it rained so they're apparently ruined and wants another pair. She was drunk and ripped her coat, and wants another one. Pretty much everything is now covered with make up or nail varnish or ripped and she's demanding we replace it (none of it is unwearable or unrepairable, just not perfect any more)

Now, the way I see it is, she's had way more than her agreed allowance already, we had provided her with everything she needed and more, she's 16 so perfectly capable of taking care of her stuff and if she wants it replaced she needs to either spend her own pocket money on it, or wait until next month

Is this fair?

I have bought her another pair of ballet flats today as she needs flat shoes for school

The other thing is pocket money - she gets £20 a week pocket money.

I buy her the basics she needs - toothpaste, tampons, deodorant, shower gel, shampoo, etc. I'm also happy to buy some bits of make up. But, she trowels it on, or loses it, and demands more. She gets through pots and pots of foundation, so I've told her that I'll buy her a pot a month, any more than that she'll have to buy out of her own pocket money.

Is that reasonable as well?

I've tried speaking to FC's SW about this but am not getting any response but my SSW agrees

It's just we're having a few difficulties with her at present and need to reign her in a bit.

We treat her exactly the same as our own children - if I treat my DDs to something, we treat her as well.

Thanks!

[shebangsthedrum]

I think she may be seeing how far she can push you and what she can get out of you just now. Like with any child she needs to learn to be responsible for her own things and replacing them with her own money is the only way she will learn this. The money you are giving her is more than enough by the way. Can she do any chores to earn extra and help you out abit?

[freddiefrog]

She's definately pushing at the moment.

It's not just us, she's out on licence and is really pushing her luck with her curfew as well - not really taking it seriously, but it'll be her that ends up back inside and she knows I'll report her every time she misses it

I'm going to be having words as she's slipping back into her old ways, but I just wanted a general consensus of whether I was being fair or not re the above before I did.

She can do chores if she wants extra cash, and she's also been offered a saturday job at a friend of ours cattery but she's not interested

Thanks!!

[freddiefrog]

Oh, and just to add, we offer her little treats and incentives if she toes the line as well

For example, she was desperate for a spray tan so we did a deal - if she went to school for 2 full weeks, I'd pay for one. She wanted to go to the cinema with her boyfriend but because of her curfew she wouldn't have made it home on time on the bus and needed us to pick her up, so if she kept to curfew for a week I agreed to pay for 2 cinema tickets and give her a lift

Some have been more successful than others

[Roshbegosh]

A familiar story, sadly. Our boy just 'lost' brand new Clarks school shoes at £45.
My friend was quizzed over and over again after a 16 yr old girl left her with nothing, she used to even lose her pants. Luckily my friend had kept all the receipts so could prove to SW that she had bought all the clothes, shoes, phones, watch etc. etc.
I also know the curfew doesn't get enforced by SW. They will prefer the girl to be with you than in the secure unit.
Hard work. Good luck. It is all the boundaries, consequences stuff and it will take a lot of your energy so look after yourself too.

[Roshbegosh]

Freddie, you sound like you are doing an amazing job. I struggle sometimes with these rewards for ordinary things rather than for when they do something extra but if it helps then great.

[freddiefrog]

Thanks!

We're just trying to come up with different ways to encourage her to make positive choices, rather than slipping back into her old ways of drugs, drinking and shoplifting.

SW don't enforce her curfew, Youth Offending breach her if she steps out of line, she's already had 2 warnings, so one more and she's breached with another 5 weeks on licence left to go. She's incredibly frustrating!

[purple247]

My son is already being privately fostered by his best friends family. We have to sign the agreement forms on Friday and discuss financial arrangements. Does anyone know how much to suggest? We scrape by normally at home. If he was at home he shares our food etc. I can take him out to buy clothes.

[Roshbegosh]

I think the portion of the payment that is to be spent for/on the child (including heating, laundry, groceries, petrol etc) is £177 per week. The remainder is a payment for the carers for looking after the child. I don't know how you work our a private arrangement if the child isn't actually in care.

[purple247]

Thankyou, we wouldn't be able to afford that and I dont want to be embarrassed either. I might ring the CAB.

[FosterMum321]

Hi Guys we recently took placement of a 15 YO girl who is demanding a large amount of money for clothing allowance and having only fostered a short while we are getting no where fast. My SSW says there is no set amount and I can set what I see fit however the LAC's SW has forwarded me the guidlines on what is to be spent which apparently is £44/week she also added "to remember to deduct the cost of uniform etc" can anyone shed light on what "etc" is and how much 'clothing allowance' they give/month please. thanks you : )

[fasparent]

Well 16?? transitions use leaving care system . Similar young adult post secure unit payed child credits into bank plus a little extra., end of has too manage own budget and life style of course with guidance and support needs competence . , too build self esteem., and see reality.

[AmyandPhilipfan]

Hi FosterMum321, it’s probably best if you start your own thread as this one is quite old and people will see it at the top of the list and reply to the first post rather than to your query.