Teenage fd has stolen alcohol from us. Not sure what course of action to take.

[LaurieBlueBell]

FD age 15 has been with us 3 weeks now. She has a very chaotic background including drug misuse and serious self harming and persistent absconding.

Up until now we haven't had any problems and she has fitted in really well with the family.
Last weekend she asked if she could have a friend to stay and I agreed. All seemed to go well with that.
I have a DD age 25. She rang me this morning to say that DFD has made DD a friend on facebook. DD has seen a picture of DFD in her bedroom with the friend drinking a bottle of Baileys and a bottle of Champagne.

DD, knowing I had a bottle of each left over from Christmas rang me and told me to check the cupboard where they were. Sure enough they were gone.

I left it a few hours then asked DFD very casually if she had taken them. She (very convincingly) denied all knowledge.

I told her I knew no one else in the house would take it and I would hate to be lied to. She still denied it so I left it there.

So the options as I see it.

Say nothing - I now know she is a convincing liar. I move anything valuable and don't trust her. If she is daft enough to post on FB thinking my DD wont tell me I have what could be a valuable tool in tracking what she is getting up to. I know that is devious but this is a very troubled girl who is struggling to stay off of drugs etc.

Wait until she asks for her pocket money (I give her £30 a week) and then deduct the cost of the alcohol and tell her how I know. If I do that she will probably de-friend DD.

Tell her I know and that I am very disappointed. Then give her a second chance letting her keep the pocket money. She could have been persuaded by the friend to do it and maybe she needed to show off a bit.

Or, do any of you wise people have any better ideas.

[Hhnsam]

I would deduct the money and when she asked why just say its because you know your being lied to and be firm, Facebook is a great way of seeing what's going on so your right to want to keep her lnowing your source and saying how you know... But you know she's done it and so does she. My younger sister acted the same a year or so back and had problems and if your not firm things would just continue to happen, deducting pocket money or even stopping it in weeks she's acted similar again should be the biggest reason to put her off doing it. If you know for sure she's stolen or broken rules in other ways you don't need to justify to her how you know, even if you did she would probably still deny it. My mum has to put a lock on her bedroom door and lock in valuables, sounds extreme but makes stealing anything almost impossible! My sources are my difficult younger sister and being that age not that long ago myself! :)

[chocolatespiders]

I would do third option with second chance.


What does she use the £30 a week for (worried I not giving my dd15 enough money!!

[LaurieBlueBell]

Ok, problem solved. We were both in the kitchen making a cuppa and I said "shall all we talk about the missing alcohol?". She immediately said it was her and that she was sorry. I asked why she had lied to me and she said she knew she had screwed up and thought I would throw her out.

We had long chat. I said she would need to pay for the drink out of her pocket money. That consequence is for the lying rather than the stealing. She is a child who has been drinking and taking drugs since she was 8 years old, so it was a bit stupid of me to leave temptation in her way in the first place to be fair.

Upshot is she has finally agreed to attend a young persons drugs/alcohol misuse center. So maybe what has happened will help her in the long run.

chocolatespiders I think your £15 is very reasonable. She spends the money on sweets, soft drinks, and bits and pieces from Claire's accessories mainly. Thankfully she looks far too young to get away with buying tobacco (her mum provides that ) or alcohol. I give her that much because I am trying to teach her to budget.

[Hhnsam]

Sounds like a perfect end to it, she obviously feels welcome and happy in your home and was respectful enough to tell the truth, hope she gets help she needs :)