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AIBU - just a card would do

(8 Posts)
Fosterangel Sun 02-Dec-12 18:52:36

I am feeling a bit sad and need someone to tell me off for wallowing in self-pity!! Any volunteers.

We have encouraged (nagged!) our foster teens to save pocket money each week and we said we would match what they saved so they had some cash to buy Christmas gifts. Today was reckoning day and each had saved £10. We matched this and off they went today to buy their Christmas gifts with £40 between them. They came back with some lovely gifts all for their various friends and birth family members which we will now post to their birth relatives around the country.

This will be their 3rd Christmas with us (and 5th Christmas in care). It is the same this year as in previous years - no card and no present (not even a home made card or present) for us or our own family. All of our friends and family give cards and gifts to our f/teens and are happy to do this without us prompting. It is not like I don't drop hints about them giving our family or us a Christmas card from the box we buy them each year to give to their friends.

I don't want praise or gratitude (that would be creepy as these f/teens did not ask to be in care) but AIBU to expect a card at least?

Piffyonarock Sun 02-Dec-12 20:18:49

Hi Fosterangel,

YANBU, I would feel sad too. Do you think they are deliberately not reciprocating cards/gifts from your family, or are they being oblivious? Could you talk to them about how you feel?

However, you said to tell you off, so stiff upper lip!

Well done working with them on saving up and shopping for nice things, that sounds a lovely thing to do. smile

Rwep Sun 02-Dec-12 20:25:21

Isn't it possible they have got you something and are keeping it secret? I hope so. There's still time for them to make a card smile

Fosterangel Mon 03-Dec-12 18:32:20

Gave each f/teen a pretty box of 20 embossed Christmas cards at dinner tonight and cheerfully announced that they were the f/teens to give to friends, family and special people in their lives.......... gave just enough of a long pause to drop a hint the size of a small planet!!

If I gave out any more hints or cheesy grins it would be embarrassing! Husband is highly amused btw!!

NanaNina Tue 04-Dec-12 20:22:55

No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I guess it's not the actual gift or card that you want, just the thought that you are someone they care about. I think your DH (who is clearly not bothered) should have a quiet word with them and suggets they get you a little something just to show they care. They have probably not given it a thought.

Piffyonarock Wed 05-Dec-12 10:10:30

Good work with the big hint Fosterangel! I can just see you in the next few weeks -

"Look f/teens, I'm just putting these xmas cards up here, I'll leave a space for any OTHERS we might be given" (maybe add post-it notes, "reserved for f/teens cards?)

"How're you doing with that box of cards, if you run out before you do ours just ask, I've got loads. Here's a pen. That's right, f o s t..."

"Oooh, did you know it is national f/teens write a nice card for their carers day today?"

You could also work some new words into xmas carols and sing them for subliminal reminders.

NanaNina is probably right though, would save a charade.

Keep smiling, I bet they care about you lots smile

Fosterangel Wed 05-Dec-12 14:55:24

Piffy - your post did make me giggle!! NN - yes, DH is on standby for Christmas Eve panic trip to the shops with f/teens (as in previous years!).

Am off to purchase post-it notes.

Creativity and optimism ......... the two secrets to fostering!!


Piffyonarock Wed 05-Dec-12 19:23:29


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