Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Do you plan on including your fc in your will?

(12 Posts)
Gymbob Mon 10-Sep-12 16:13:18

Probably a bit different for me that lots of you who have regular comings and goings. We have only 1 fc, and she is with us until she flies the nest. She came to us at 9 and is nearly 13.

She is very money orientated at the moment, and keeps on bringing the subject of inheritance up. She asks if our birth child will be getting our house(s). I say yes, she says it's not fair. I say it's mums' and dads' that leave inheritance to their birth children, she says hers haven't got anything to leave her. I tell her that I'm in the same position as her, as my parents don't have a house or any savings to leave me.

I do feel uneasy about the whole thing, and of course I wouldn't exclude her, but don't feel I could leave her a house. Am I being unreasonable?

Does anyone else have a long term placement and birth children? I'd be interested to know your take on it.

SmileItsSunny Mon 10-Sep-12 19:41:43

Hi, I haven't got any experience to add anything useful, other than bumping this for the evening crowd.

It sounds incredibly difficult, and you are very caring. I would agree that your birth child should be the main benificiary, but that you might like to leave something to your foster child. Which is about as far as you'd got on your own. unhelpful

Good luck.

Panadbois Tue 11-Sep-12 09:00:18

Oh my, how difficult. I'm tempted to say that my bc would only feature in my will, but then I only do short term.

I would get her social worker to talk to her. Long term fostering is different to adoption, so there should be no pressure on you.

doubt it very much that I'll have anything to leave mine except for this terreced house

Gymbob Tue 11-Sep-12 22:18:25

Thanks for your replies guys! If it continues to crop up, I will contact the SW as you suggest Pana.

My other worry is, that as our bc is disabled, our fc will challenge any will, or will harrass her into parting with a large part of her inheritance. I am being OTT and ridiculous i know, and it's hopefully going to be donkeys years into the future, nevertheless it has crossed my mind more than once confused. DH says I think too much!

Will any other foster carers be leaving their fc anything in their will?

bonnieslilsister Wed 12-Sep-12 11:19:55

I think I would try not to get into a discussion about this with her and show her it is not up for debate. In a nice way you can tell her it is not polite to talk about this. Say you are not planning on dying for a very long time and wills are never set in stone.

I might be wrong but i wonder if she is needing reassurance that she is equally important in your eyes.

As far as your daughter goes will she have someone helping her with her finances when it does actually happen or will she be able to sort them herself? If it is a valid worry your fc will harrass her for money could you appoint someone to watch over your dd?

Gymbob Wed 12-Sep-12 16:10:45

Thanks bonnie. Yes, the last time she mentioned it I ended the conversation quickly and said the subject was closed for discussion. She will mention it again though saying she forgot I said that!

I suppose the first thing I need to do is actually make a will blush. I can bring my concerns up with the powers that be and take it from there.


LaurieFairyCake Wed 12-Sep-12 16:15:17

"I might be wrong but i wonder if she is needing reassurance that she is equally important in your eyes"

I totally agree with the above from bonnie - I don't think you should talk about this with her apart from to reassure her that she is just as important, so say 'I was planning on spending it all on trips to Vegas' or something - and just keep reassuring her that you treat her and your dd the same.

I'm not planning on leaving anything apart from my jewellery to my foster child because I'm either planning on spending it or by the time I get old it will be needed for my care - she's also a bit older than yours so I've explained that I don't agree with inherited wealth.

Gymbob Wed 12-Sep-12 21:55:17

Love the idea about Vegas Laurie, and the line about not agreeing with inherited wealth. thanks, have noted those for next time it comes up smile

Fosterangel Thu 27-Sep-12 09:33:51

Hope you don't mind me coming late to the party! We foster long term teens so may be of some help I hope, although the Will thing has not raised its head yet with our f/teens. That said, yes, we have been surprised at how money driven they are but put it down to insecurity about their future.

In my previous posts I (moaned!) explained that we have been asked by our LA to open savings accounts for our f/teens. You could reassure your f/teens that this is their lump sum should you die (plus any items of jewellery as a memento - good idea LFC and I will do this myself). As you are thinking of sticking around for quite a while, their savings accounts should hold quite a balance. Hopefully, that will reassure them.

I agree with BLS that you need to both remind f/teens that it is not polite to ask you how much your death will benefit them. Is your teen pre-occupied with death (goth, Emo?) or materialistic? Has a birth relative or friend become ill or died recently? Either way you are more valuable to them alive as you could remind them!!!

Gymbob Sat 29-Sep-12 22:45:22

Hi fosterangel, no she isn't pre-occupied with death! She has a built in self defence mode that means she will fight to get what she wants regardless of how many people she treads on on the way. This is obviously due to her chaotic previous home life, when she had to learn how to survive whatever it took.

Basically, we have 2 houses, and (and i can see her point), she thinks that if there are 2 houses our birth daughter will be getting one house, so it is only fair she should get the other.

Fosterangel Mon 01-Oct-12 13:38:29

Hi Gymbob. The only things in life that bring you satisfaction and joy are those people you love and those things you have to work damned hard for imo. Hope you can get your foster child to eventually understand this.
I would stand firm and say that it is enough that you care for her and give her something far more valuable than money - a home til she leaves care, love, shelter, warmth, family life and guidance.
No, you are not being unreasonable when you decline her request for a house! We all dream of "winning the lottery" (I know I do!) and she is just dreaming I guess in an inappropriate and rather over-personal way.
Hope you live to be 100 yrs old!!!!

Gymbob Mon 01-Oct-12 14:46:02

Thanks Fosterangel! She hasn't mentioned it for a while actually, so I will let sleeping dogs lie for now. You are spot on though, good post.

I do remember her saying though that she is now part of our family, (as we tell her she is until she leaves our care) and she takes it in the true meaning of the word when it comes to inheritance!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: