Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Short term foster carers adopting.....

(47 Posts)
threeandcounting Tue 15-May-12 14:16:22


I was wondering if any "short term" foster carers have any experience of keeping children who were initially placed with them, and would mind sharing your experience with me?

Many thanks

Bhaty Mon 02-Oct-17 13:23:21

Hi this was a great thread. I have a related question, we have been fostering a child for over a year and she has really bonded with us. It looks like she will be put forward for adoption soon. Does any one know of any Asian foster carers who went on to adopt a white child and the trails and tribulations they faced in getting through the process? I hope it would be a fair process as historically in the UK it has always been possible the other way around.

scarlet5tyger Sat 14-Feb-15 17:17:28

Susu1066 wasn't the issue of letterbox contact dealt with before the adoption order was made? I've never heard of it coming out of the blue. All the adoptive parents I've dealt with have been made aware of it well before approval panel. It must have been a huge shock coming out of nowhere.

I can understand your reluctance to do it, and the SW was out of order referring to birth mother as "mum", but I really do think its important for your girls even if there are gaps in replies - when they're older and naturally enquiring about things it will be much easier to tell them you tried to maintain some kind of contact than saying it was too hard. Maybe put any replies into a box for later in life? I know one set of adopters who've done this with all birthday cards/letters as there are often gaps.

Also, there's nothing I know of that says the girls have to write. All the adoptive parents I've worked with have sent very general "update" letters, like those you'd get in a Christmas card, written by the adults. They don't include photos or pictures from the children.

Housefull I hope you've had more positive news since you posted. I've heard that the adoption rules around "cultural heritage" have been relaxed.

Susu1066 Fri 13-Feb-15 23:24:57

We adopted our twin girls which came to us at ten weeks as a foster placement. I was told after a year we could legally apply direct to the court to adopt because the girls had been with us longer than a year . We were very lucky as the LA supported us ,but recommend we apply straight to the courts to make the adoption quicker ,which we did. Happily we adopted the girls in 2013. In 2014 we received a phone call from social services ,a lady who was our new adoption worker. She took me off guard as she said "Hi I'm calling about the girls Mum who needs her letter box contact. To be honest it made me really cross!! You see I'm Mum and I got that title by hard word and earning that precious name. She then went on to tell me I must write to the girls Mum and it's due now !! I am not a push over and chose to question this, you see my girls have never know her ,and I could keep in touch with birth parents but isn't that the girls choice when they are older ? So I have agreed to get the girl to draw a picture ,which I will send, and when they are old enough to understand what is going on they can choose to write or not . We have also decided if the birth parent stops writing then so shall we, as each time a letter isn't sent it forms rejection for our girls to deal with when they are older. To all adoptive parents Don't be pushed around by you know what's best for your child, and you are the parents .Do not be frightened to say NO as long as no court order has been made then you can opt out of contact, or take control as I have. I have birth children and no one dictates to me with them, so why should they with our twins

Housefull1 Mon 19-Jan-15 17:47:42

Desperately need advice we are foster carers we have had a child placed with us for 15months when arriving was 2.9 but developmentally only 12months all usual neglect no speech at all now really coming on playing and talking made it clear from very early that we wanted to adopt as this was LA plan. Child is high risk so we have no contact with parents. When in court apparently parents found out where we live very sketchy what they know.
Decision finally made before Xmas placement order granted. Taken till now to say we cannot adopt her due to LA saying we are not able to meet her needs culturally and due to risk of parents saying where we live our SSW agrees with us that we can child's SW waste of time agency. Can we appeal and how. Already said we would move but no reply from person making decision.

holiday88 Sat 26-Oct-13 20:40:46

we had to put it on hold for 6 months and then we continued,they were understanding that we enjoyed fostering,plus financial, that was the way of earning money and our way of life,everything worked out well

Suzie2013 Sat 26-Oct-13 13:55:18

We have been to adoption panel and been told if we continue with the adoption we must give up fostering completely but we don't want to!!! what now? Thanks.

Mum2lots Thu 19-Sep-13 23:39:49

Well done holiday xxxxx

holiday88 Tue 17-Sep-13 19:31:35

she legally became ours today!!fantastic

holiday88 Thu 29-Aug-13 20:26:48

pleased for you ,we should have our celebration in october fingers crossed

threeandcounting Thu 29-Aug-13 12:19:17

Hello :-) Just thought that I would update to say that we are now passed as adopters for lo :-) Such a long journey and so many hoops to go through, but worth every second and more!

StupidMistakes Sun 18-Aug-13 11:09:56

I wish my sons foster carer had adopted him. They were amazing with him and me. But they didn't feel able to cos they already have two daughters of their own and also was fostering a baby who'd been with them since she was released from hospital at which point they had been fostering liam for 3 months.

fasparent Sun 18-Aug-13 11:04:50

Adopted 8 yes 8 and have two SGO, lots of other foster children still in touch have a large extended family all children are in contact with each other including Ex foster children and our birth children . Some birth parents and Grand parents / birth siblings adopted by other family's are included and have unsupervised contact, Has its ups and downs but in General all is working extremely well.

helensparkles Sat 17-Aug-13 10:41:22

I'm a huge fan of foster carers adopting, when it is the right match, but this is a very complex area of social work. Everyone thinks child protection is the cutting edge, but this is like heart transplant surgery. The caution and resistance you meet as foster carers wishing to adopt needs to be unpacked, you might find that experienced family placement social workers have rightly got concerns, but balance that with adopters who very often have no parenting experience. Don't view it as a battle, even if you might need a judge, and making your own application in opposition to the views of the LA isn't great foone. r any

Family members are always prioritised Mdonaldalison so, if the uncle is ok, that is the law not the LA. flowerpot64, not sure why your offer to move hasn't been accepte, but if there are real risks find out about them for your future.

flowerpot64 Wed 31-Jul-13 15:52:39

Hi I have been reading threw all your massages and found them very informative. I to have been fostering for about 6 years as a single carer and have a small child in place who I've had for a year now. He is up for adoption but at presents there is no family for him. I put myself forward and my sw and the childs sw were keen, the adoption team have turned me down as I live on the border of the area they wont the child to live outside. I have offered to move over the border away form here and they have still said no. I am now seeking legal advise as the child has always been in a protected placement and myself and his birth family have never met and don't no were I live. Thanks for ready any advise would be great.

fasparent Sun 07-Jul-13 01:04:10

Hi we are still fostering after 38 year's , on the way we have 8 loved and cherished adopted children and SGO's with others. Also our own children. All can say is follow your heart's.

Mcdonaldalison Sat 29-Jun-13 14:19:33

I am looking for some advice. I had two children placed with me on feb 2012. A wee girl at 6 and a baby at 17 weeks. The placement with the wee girl broke down in December due to an incident between the kids and I made the call that I could not keep them both safe. I still have contact with the wee girl and have an excellent relationship. After a psychological assessment, it was recommended the kids be placed seperately for adoption. The wee boy is 22 months and calls us mum and dad. A distant uncle has come out the wood work for adoption although we also expressed an interest. Council has reservations about us as it may affect their sibling relationship in future. Should we fight for him and have we got any rights? We are heartbroken at loosing him.

threeandcounting Fri 24-May-13 22:20:36

I have pm'd you, although the advice probably isn't as good as NanaNina's..x

NanaNina Fri 24-May-13 00:35:39

Do you mind my asking what is the "mismatch" in terms of culture. I am a retired sw and tm mgr of a Fostering & Adoption Team in a LA. I think in cases like this, the LA should give serious consideration to your wish to adopt. A child with complex medical conditions, is as you already know unlikely to be matched with suitable adoptors. The great plus in your favour is that you have bonded with the baby and that is of prime importance. Also, you are willing to adopt this baby even though he has complex medical condition, which proves how much you love this child.

It is the LAs job (when they hold parental responsibility) to make plans for the child's future and in his best interests, so they do have the right to do as they have done, i.e. turn you down because of this cultural "mismatch" - I don't know where you live or the nature of the "mismatch" but if this is an African-Caribbean/whiteUK child, or African-CAribbean or Asian, or an Eastern European child, there are
many areas of the country that are multi-racial and multi-cultural and therefore a child of a different culture from yourselves would not "stand out" as being different and this is a point to put to the LA.

You have some options:

1. You could ask for a meeting with the child's sw (as it is her or him who decides which family the baby should be placed with - if indeed any are forthcoming) and the team manager, to discuss more fully their reservations about the cultural "mismatch" and if you give me more details I might be able to help you formulate arguments against theirs.

2. This issue of children waiting in foster homes and not being adopted because of the cultural issue is quite a hot potatoe at the moment and David Cameron has been raising this issue recently. SO you could get in touch with your local councillor and ask him/her to intervene. This would mean that you were "going over the heads of the sws" so they will not be pleased, but it does sometimes work.

3. I'm not at all sure about the advice you got from the solicitor - I think he/she didn't want to take the case on and so got rid of you by quoting these huge sums of money. It is possible for a solicitor in a situation like yours, IF the LA try to move the child, to get an immediate court hearing to request that the court make an Interim Residence Order (which transfers the Parental Responsibility to you) though shared with the birth parents. IF it is granted, then the LA no longer has PR for the baby. You can then proceed to apply for an Adoption Order, or a Special Guardianship Order (youwill have to google that as I don't have time to explain!)

4. YOu could contact Fostering Networks or British Agencies for Fostering & Adoption (BAAF) for advice. You could google them for phone numbers and information.

I would advise you try No. 1 first. Of course IF there are no adoptors willing to take on this baby, then the balls in your court and the LA should be "snatching your hand off" to agree to your application to adopt the baby.

Julez1 Thu 23-May-13 23:55:56

Hi there all, I am a foster Carer and have only been doing it for 18 months but we had a baby placed with us 3days old and is now 13months. We never went into fostering to adopt but have really bonded with him due to the fact that he died on us after 8days and we revived him with the help of doctor and then paramedics. He has heart disease and had a heart op the following morning and he may have to have another op later on in his child hood. We requested to adopt him in dec 12 however LA came and did an initial assessment in jan 13 but only told us the end of march that they will not take it further as we are not a cultural match, we want to continue fostering and that there would be a delay in the child's process for adoption...... They have had 8 couples turn him down due to the medical implications and have said they are looking at 2 more families. I have been to a solicitor and have been told that it may cost me around £6-£12 thousand pounds to get it through court only to have little chance of winning? Does any of you on here know if this is correct or have contacts of another solicitor just to get another opinion, as I was told it would be easier due to the fact he has now been with us over a year. I wanted a judge to tell me I cannot keep him not a SW! Thanks for reading

fasparent Wed 08-May-13 21:19:39

What you need too read is "New Passport to support Adopters" ONLY issued this week at
Passport is available on First4Adoption website. think it this or first for adoption. Tell's all that will be available including adoption leave for foster carers, and new adoptive parents. Also fast track process.

holiday88 Wed 08-May-13 19:53:03

i think i read somewhere that if they have lived with you for over a year you have more legal standing and you can put some legal papers into court so that ss cannot remove the child which they may well do if they do not agree with you adopting it happened to us.sorry not more help but cannot find the web site where i read the above if i find it i will let you know.

fasparent Fri 03-May-13 23:08:54

There will be new Adoption Legal changes soon. Will include fast tracking adoptions for foster parents ., Also adoptive parents who already
have been through the Selection process in that they have already adopted a child these are a few area's recommended that may be of interest announced today.

sheena111 Thu 02-May-13 15:40:53

hi. i am a fostercarer and would like to adopt a baby we had from a few days old. we informed all concerned parties in writing, and although the childs sw is happy but the adoption team seem to be not so keen but awaiting a meeting to take place.

in the mean time does anyone know if fostercarers have any rights in respect of adopting a child who has been with them for almost a year?

threeandcounting Thu 28-Mar-13 00:03:50

Wow, that was quick grin

We are currently going through the adoption assessment process and hope to be at panel possibly May/June and finalised in court by Sept/October.

Huge congratulations to you all, and best wishes for your future together! X

holiday88 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:14:10

hi everyone we have been to panel and now have a dd cannot believe it was all so quick

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now