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Feeling Bullied By Social Worker

(14 Posts)
bonnieslilsister Wed 12-Dec-12 21:56:51

do you see my point?

Actually saliseolivia, I think you are missing the op's point confused plus 12 months too late!

saliseolivia Wed 12-Dec-12 20:26:18

We all experience difficulties with Social Workers. The best thing that you can do is stand up for yourself! After all you have children in your care and it is in their best interests that you stand up and be counted! They are relying on you!

Social Workers have taken them away from their loved ones, no doubt both children and parents are painfully grieving. I do not see how whining on about the children's negativity even though you provide for them, or materialistic nature is going to help anyone? Especially if the children in your care get wind of this!

A child can only be materialistic if either spoiled and allowed to be, the child asks gets, wants more, gets greedy due to poor boundaries being set, or if he/she is wanting to possess items of a sentimental value to retain a sense of their wanted identity.

These children are not in your care to thank you. Think of a normal birth mother's role...she puts in years of hard work, love, care and attention tending to her children, yet no doubt down the line she will be faced with challenges and difficulties from those very same children. Do you think that mother would wish for her children to be taken away as you stated you sometimes wished in your post??!

These children have been put i your care for you to meet their basic needs and provide a stable upbringing for what will hopefully turn out to be a stable, thankful adult.

Do you see my point?

NanaNina Thu 26-Jan-12 14:55:29

Sounds to me like everyone here (apart from you) is scared of being accused of being racist. The whole racism thing has gone mad in my view and of course I agree with the basic tenets, but it doesn't mean that we can't be critical of people from other minority ethnic groups. She also sounds highly incompetent and trying to put the blame on you is despicable, but her incompetence will show through I'm sure of it. It demonstrates that she is very insecure in the job.

Is she from Zimbab by any chance, or maybe some other part of Africa or African/Caribbean ethnicity. I was a sw for many years and whenI retired I worked independently as a sw and worked with many sws from different cultures, mainly the ones I have mentioned. They were like anyone else, some wholly competent and others woefully inadequate. I did notice that one female sw tried to "play the race card" as this one is doing, to cover up her incompetence. I don't know which authority you work for, but this was Birmingham City Council who were realy struggling with 40% vacancy rates and many Zimbabwe social workers were taken on and in fairness to them, they struggled with the different culture, and had managers who either did not have the time or competence to ensure they became competent.

The language thing is ridiculous and she must be challenged - she clearly has tunnel vision and her own agenda. Am assuming the children were born here, and she is advocating for them to be placed with a black family who speak their mother tongue (which the children will not understand) - totally crazy. The children need a family who can meet their needs, and it is policy now I believe that consideration should be given to placing black and Asian children with white carers, rather than waiting for the right black family, which may never emerge. Hopefully the fostering panel will see the distorted thinking here, but your link worker must stand up to this crazy notion, and if she won't then you must do it!

I think you need to challenge her and anyone else who is not supporting you. Criticism of black or Asian people does not imply racism and those who think that are very muddled in their thinking.

In the UK we live in a multi cultured and multi ethnic society and clearly people need to be able to recognise that and be comfortable with it, but sounds like your sw has a hige axe to grind.....of course same race placements are the ideal, but it has to be the right kind of same race placement to meet the needs of the children, not simply because they are of the same race.

Stand up to them OP!!

marriedtoagoodun Wed 18-Jan-12 14:58:54

Thank you scarlet I am feeling abit better today as I have managed to get my link worker to attend tomorrow when social worker comes for her appoinmnet. She has not been for nearly two months as sick leave/christmas got in her way. So there has been a flurry of emails and I have indeed copied one back to everyone - stating as someone else said above - oops seem to have a different copy to everyone else.

The latest thing is that she has lodged the children befoer Panel as having a foreign language as their FIRST language as she feels it will influence a better long term foster placment despite the fact that they cannot speak/understand said foreign lanaguage! She says that unless they get placed in a family (ie not white) that speak the language this part of their culture will 'die'. Except it never existed!! Iam not allowed to correct this although I have raised it with the Guardian she said 'well you can see her point.' Err no I cannot!

Still off for a pub tea tonight so my 'how to look like a bloater in 7 easy days' is well on its way to fruition. smile

scarlet5tyger Wed 18-Jan-12 13:47:14

The end of your last post made me laugh! I'm sure you already know that you burn more calories when you're stressed so at least those 700 calories will get burnt off...

Re the emails, I'd copy BOTH of them to everyone - it'll highlight the fact that she's sending two. That in itself is hardly professional of her, no matter what she says in them. I'd also start a little point by point diary every night - I've done this in the past and although it might not change anything it did at least make me feel better getting things written down rather than carrying them round in my head.

Hope things pick up for you soon.

marriedtoagoodun Tue 17-Jan-12 21:51:41

Ha Lac Reviewing offcier has still not sent out minutes from their first review (9 onths ago) and is now off on sick leave! I have just had my annual review and did feedback my concerns- everyone agrees that the situation is dire but 'must work together' and a lot of the problems seem to just carry on evolving - contact etc. I cannot say too much about the case but I kid you not the SW is getting very close to me putting a formal complaint toegtehr. the guardianhas beenout twice and agreed withme for everything nad then has done... nothing. It s justthe same ol' same ol but I am shattered and am just beginning to doubt why I do this. We never expected teh children to say thank you but it is the relentlessness of their negativity (depsite good bonds with us) and the total materialism. This is to do with culture as well it seems. Still on a positive note have now consumed 700 claorie by finishing off all the little treat bars of selection box chocs that survived christmas - oh BUGGER!!

BeaOnSea Tue 17-Jan-12 21:46:46

My apologies - I have just re-read your OP and see you are now caring for two of the children. Nevertheless, you are still doing a great job under difficult circumstances.

BeaOnSea Tue 17-Jan-12 21:38:21

Do you attend the children's LAC Reviews? You should use that opportunity to raise any concerns and to get things officially recorded rather than sending emails, if at all possible. The chair of the LAC Review is the Independent Reviewing Officer who has a responsibility to keep an eye on what is happening in the children's life - including any delays caused by poor SW performance.

Also - use your own Foster Carer Review to feedback any concerns. Make sure these are documented. You are required to sign the Review records as being an accurate record of any discussion.

I'm sure having four children in placement must be very stressful but you are doing a wonderful thing enabling them to stay together whilst their future is being sorted out.

Good luck smile

ImperialBlether Tue 17-Jan-12 21:37:19

Ohhh you can't let her get away with sending two different copies out.

You should reply to everyone and send the copy of the worse email back to them. In the email, be polite, but put your case forcefully. I would add, "I'm not sure why I got two responses - please could you clarify?"

bonnieslilsister Tue 17-Jan-12 20:59:42

Poor you. Don't forget people will see though her blaming others.

marriedtoagoodun Tue 17-Jan-12 20:57:47

Thank you both for answering. Yes it is the childrens social worker and yes I do have a support worker. But I feel as if I am constantly whining - she said this, or she said that. I think we were lucky in the past five years to have had really good realtionships and whilst not always seing eye to eye there was at least a modicum of reason behind the madness. This social worker is from a different culture as are the children and from the moment she told me to have extensions put in the youngest girls hair and I said No she has been bringing up every little thing.

So how should I cope - I feel that it makes me look incapapble and not able to work as part of a team to always bring up things. I copy everyone into all the emails but she will frequently send two different responses one to me and then a second one to everyone else. The gist of things is the same but the wording, fault finding is different but it would seem petty to copy the second email to everyone else and say 'look how easily I am offended'. She gets away with a lot by saying that as English is not her first language she 'misunderstood' my question or did not realise what I was saying. AHHH I am just overwhelmed at the moment.

BeaOnSea Tue 17-Jan-12 20:03:02

I'm assuming she is the children's social worker. Do you not have a Family Placement Worker who supports you?

anji9012 Tue 17-Jan-12 19:56:56

Ah, Keep your chin up,

I felt I needed to at least let you know someone is out there.

good luck
shock wink

marriedtoagoodun Tue 17-Jan-12 19:17:44

Thats it really. We have had a really difficult placement of four children for nealry a year - now down to two after very serious problems (not becasue of me). Lots of drift and now in court arena where SW being told off for ineptitude and chaotic admin. She is serioulsy trying to pass the blame - for example I have not completed the children's PEPS!!! Actually in small print to the court she then says actually what was missing was the sheet for the children's feedback and that she had arranged for school to complete but she felt I should have chased and got th eforms to her as I go to the school every day. She does not listen to what I have to say when I am telling her what the children have to say folowing contact (because it is negative.) I feel that every day is a new thing and I just want to tell her that it is all too much and to take the children away. Feeling very low

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