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sinking feeling

(8 Posts)
maypole1 Thu 28-Jul-11 16:24:56

How do you get over the sinking feeling you get when a child is going back home even though is clear the parent cannot cope.
I also fear i am being ignored not because they don't agree because if they looked more closely they would have to halt the whole thing

fc is very close to going back to live with parents, either way fc would not be staying here, but so close to going home i would of imagined that dad would have been of a better standard as my son would say hes not match fit

he asked me last week weather a 6 year old should be eating dinner with a knife and fork or should they be using the hands also felt that 12;30 was a suitable bed time for a 6 year old, was also surprised to learn 6 years old don't require nappies when he asked i thought he was joking

a parent and child placement was floated around but to be honest we all know once that happens the chances of them being able to ok the move will go down so i think their basically just hoping it works out installing lots of support for 6 months (basically people to do it for him) then hoping for the best when asked what would happen if it didn't work out the answer was well she get popped on the at risk register shock

when i asked the sw if she is at least 50% happy that dad knows what he is doing their was a long pause the waffle about support workers

even the contact worker is still having to step in because he is not able to cope yes he still having supervised visits because be cant cope but apparently he will be ready in 2 months to take her home wtf
#at this stage one would think the parent should be at a level they should be having unsupervised contact.

i don't want to hand fc over to someone who thinks 12;30 is a ok time for a 6 year old to bed gurrrrrr sad

p99gmb Thu 28-Jul-11 19:39:57

I have no idea how you cope with that doubt... can only offer wine and sympathy...

Has dad been through the assessment? Is the FC on an Interim Court Order - in which case aren't there reports etc etc that need to be put before the court - has the LO a guardian that you could put your concerns to.

It seems crazy that contact is still supervised and yet they are talking of a return home... how on earth can they justify that they have seen him cope for any length on time..? How long is contact? Ours is only 2 hours a day 3 times a week - its just not real... anyone could sit and play intensively with the kids - a whole day is a huge other issue .....

I guess this is the really hard part of the job (not had to do it yet!!!) - when you don't agree with the decision... and worry that it'll all go wrong and rebound...

Support workers!! ha - haven't loads been made redundant due to cuts?

maypole1 Thu 28-Jul-11 20:47:05

yes a pa has been done but he was only having contact every other week for 2 hours in the contact center with the contact worker still their, didn't have to make fc so much as a drink so i am not sure how they could of assessed him properly really.

fc is now on a interim order and is really struggling with very basic tasks, some of the stuff he is asking is just so basic and at this stage he should really know what hes doing.

Also the contact centre don't think he is able to have unsupervised contact so are insisting they wont allow him to have a room with out a contact worker their that worried and again at this late stage she is still having to step in.

i really think in the last couple of weeks he has raised more questions than answered and it just seems they don't want to dig any deeper because then they will just have to find her a long term placement

their view is well he will just have to learn, now that's what they said about mum and here we are years later with her dd in care the sw is not even 50% sure he can do it but their still going ahead

maypole1 Thu 28-Jul-11 20:48:42

please ladies tell me everything will be fine, please tell me they do just get the gist of things sad

mumsiepie Thu 28-Jul-11 21:55:53

Sorry maypole, I can't tell you that....sounds a terrible situation and I don't know what I would do if I were you apart from worry xx

maypole1 Thu 28-Jul-11 22:12:02

Not chucking the towel in but feeling a bit like what the point of all my hard work when they moved fc from one poor parent to another

mumsiepie Thu 28-Jul-11 22:21:06

poor you and poor fc

threeandcounting Thu 28-Jul-11 22:28:29

sad
Only just started fostering so feel I don't have the experience to give advice...

Did hear someone say once that you have to remember that you have done some good, and hopefully lo will remember....

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