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(15 Posts)
maypole1 Sat 16-Jul-11 23:29:52

Parent has finally got their indefinite leave to remain and fd is going to stay with them, well thats if things go to plan,

But as soon after the hearing parent has not been Turing up to contact Ect. First thing was parents evening which they didn't turn up to also to day they did not turn up to contact and when contact centre tried to ring parent phone was dead , social worker was not impressed with the not Turing up to parents evening especially when they later emailed her stating they had decided to go to housing instead.

The wired thing his attendance to meetings and contact has been 100% post indefinite leave to remain

I don't want to sound like a party pooper but do you think parent was just using them wanting child as a ruse to stay I have to say I have had this feeling for a while now but kept it too myself sad

Even though parent is really nice, get on well with me been Turing up every week up till now I feel theirs something not quite right, parent is almost too nice even to the point were ss were taking the piss so much I had to speak up for parent. And even my link worker surprised at what they are able to get parent to agree to
Almost was being a door mat any cock hand thing ss were suggesting he was just saying yes to same with the contact centre in 3 years not one complaint or issue with any one even with the other parent who is really taking the Micky out of them and with holding the siblings not a peep

They either complain about us, the contact centre, the school, Childs social worker or the other parent

Now in my experience this is not usual, or am I just over thinking things just feeling like now they have their leave to remain have they done a bunk

MissVerinder Sun 17-Jul-11 07:14:03

Oh dear sad

Usually, Maypole, gut instincts tend to be correct. I guess it's a difficult subject, as circumstances dictate, to bring up?

I bet it's pretty disheartening, not just for you, but for DFC as well.

NanaNina Sun 17-Jul-11 12:55:07

Sorry Maypole I don't understand your post. What do you mean by "parents have finally got their indefinite leave to remain" - which you mention several times? Without knowing what you mean I can't really comment.

maypole1 Sun 17-Jul-11 13:49:38

Fd was not going back to mum as she was ruled out dad was posative but didn't have leave to reamain before this he was very good Turing up to every contact and meeting even agreeing to things that were actually quite un reasonable

Now he has leave to remain seems things are slipping first meeting he had after he got his ltr was the parents evening which he didn't turn up to instead choosing go to housing they are already have a private rent lined up but it seems he wAnts a council house.

Talking to a friend about this she pointed out that if he gets a council home then decides "its too much " he would get to keep the home so not only would have secured leave to remain but also a home but on the other hand if he takes the private rent and trys to place fd back in care in would result in him being homeless

And after years sleeping in squats I would of thought private rent would be fine as its alll being paid for by ss can't help getting a sinking feeling also then yesterday supposed to have contact as were getting ready for hand over didn't turn up not a peep contact scene tired to ring him phone was dead he has their number so should have at the very least rung to say he wasn't going to be ale to make it

Also only applied for custody after he had exhausted every other way to stay in the country but because of his near prefect attendance re contact and the positive assessment that was over looked sad

He's lovely like i siaid but all along their has been little things that make me think this has all been a smoke screen and he's only really wanted the leave to remain

maiT Sun 17-Jul-11 13:58:22

so what is your question??

maypole1 Sun 17-Jul-11 14:03:46

Do you think I am over thinking things or do you think he may very well have done a bunk?

maypole1 Sun 17-Jul-11 14:04:31

Is it not odd for a parent to start missing contact so near to the child going home.

mumsiepie Sun 17-Jul-11 14:24:18

I see exactly what you mean maypole but surely he would be very heartless to do this. Let's hope it was just a blip and they really do want to take him home. I don't think you are over thinking things and it does seem suspicious.

By the way I didn't know what "leave to remain was" and googled it so for all those who don't know, it is being allowed to stay in the UK if you are an asylum seeker.

NanaNina Sun 17-Jul-11 15:31:07

Thanks mumsiepie for your explanation of "leave to remain" - and Maypole still didn't explain! I think if the care plan is to reunite the child with her father (presumably she knows him and has a good relationship with him?) then that is what will happen. I can't really see any point Maypole in worrying what might or might not happen. There's never any guarantee in any of these situations. I am still confused (must be me) mumsipie you say "let's hope it was justa blip and they really do want to take him home" - ?? Do you mean that he is not going to be allowed to stay in this country and therefore the child cannot live with her father.

Think Maypole thta you will just have to wait and see how things turn out.

mumsiepie Sun 17-Jul-11 15:43:51

Well, I may be wrong, happens a lot these days but I think Maypole is saying the father may have been pretending to bond with child to make sure he is allowed to stay in the country and then when he gets "leave to remain"!! he will get a house here and then say he can't manage to look after the child after all. Slimy character if Maypole is right. Let's help not.

mumsiepie Sun 17-Jul-11 15:45:28

"hope not" not "help not" obviously!

maypole1 Sun 17-Jul-11 16:05:07

Mumsipie you have it on one I really hope not because we actually got on well but I am am just a little shocked he has done a complete .180 he got his leave to remain on the back of him taking on fd so not to end up in long term care

The home office granted his leave to ream in 3 weeks ago on the evidence from ss that fd would be placed in lt care if not united with dad he claimed article 8

He has been so good you could almost set your watch by him now the hearing was only 3 weeks ago and he's already missed to important things if he dose not turn up next week do you think they might have to re examine the care plan ?

Like I said some things just have not sat right with me little loose ends

The reason why i am worried is because fd is to be told she will be living with him on Tuesday and I am really worried that if they tell her before they find out whats going on it would be really damaging to fd

mumsiepie Sun 17-Jul-11 19:11:02

If it is true I really hope the decision to allow him to stay can be looked at again. Hope nobody says anything to fd before it is all clarified. xx

NanaNina Sun 17-Jul-11 20:53:44

How old is this child Maypole and how long has she been with you. Assuming she was placed on basis of short term foster care? Does she know her father and does she have a good relationship with him? You might not want to give this info on an open forum - if so I understand.

maypole1 Mon 18-Jul-11 19:05:26

spoke to sw today she was very unimpressed with dad she has written to him saying that if he misses one more event or contact that they will have to review the care plan and he will be called in to a meeting with the managers.

so i am happy with that and she also said that this and the missed parents evening will have to be mailed over to the guardian and officially noted fingers crossed he turns up next week.

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