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I really would love to be a foster parent but wonder if there is any chance at all I could do it.

(16 Posts)
IAmReallyFabNow Sun 12-Dec-10 19:11:18

DH would prefer to adopt, and so would I, but I am not sure we would be allowed. Is the same criteria used for choosing foster parents? I know nothing about how to go about it, and tbh it is too soon for us atm, but would like to know now if we would never be approved iyswim.

I would really appreciate any advice anyone could give us.


EricNorthpolesChristmas Sun 12-Dec-10 21:03:45

Why do you think you wouldn't be able to adopt? Firstly, adoption and fostering are entirely different, and are not interchangeable. Mybe fostering is for you, but it's not anything like adoption (as a rule). The only criteria to be assessed as carers are pretty much having a spare room and time, but the assessment process will look into things like your relationship, histories, attitudes etc. The only thing I could think of that might stop you adopting would be age, and there re lots of older foster carers. If you are interested you can contact your local authority for a chat. hey will talk it through with you en if you are not ready to apply yet.

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 11:16:04

Because I was in care and have had mental health problems.

SquidgyBrain Mon 13-Dec-10 18:45:25

I would phone and informally speak to your local authority they will be able to help you, good luck with whatever avenue you decide to explore

Catchthewind Mon 13-Dec-10 18:52:07

I think to foster children it is really important that youare a confident person, confident in your ability to deal with some very troubled children, as well as your own.

If your mental health issues affect the way you are with your children, then it's not a good idea. Similarly if you find yourself struggling quite often with your own children, it is not a good idea.

However if these issues are entirely separate and you feel you can parent fantastically, go for it.

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 18:54:08


Thank you for being straight with me though.

Catchthewind Mon 13-Dec-10 18:58:45

I take it that means you don't feel confident enough as a parent?


Well I still think the fact you wanted to help other kids in the care system was a lovely intention. Maybe one day when you are a bit better?

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 19:04:19

I am still very much learning to be a mother and having children has made me ill but I don't blame them, it is just a fact. I was in care and sometimes feel things are no better now. I would want to take them all home.

Catchthewind Mon 13-Dec-10 19:07:11

I can understand where you are coming from. It sounds as though you need to work through some big old feelings, to do with yourself, and taking yourself home (as it were)

and looking after yourself.

It's very usual to want to transfer these feelings in a helpful way during recovery.

The thing is it may not be helpful at this stage - you are still on the way iyswim.

But you are a nice person for wanting to do it.

SquidgyBrain Mon 13-Dec-10 19:07:40

CTW is right, you do have to consider these things, but you also have to consider how your DH would be able to help, if you were unwell could/would your DH take over.

Adoption does have much stricter guidelines, we would probably not allowed to adopt due to my weight - where it wasn't really an issue at all, the reasons being is children who are being adopted have been through enough without having to deal with the loss or serious health scares with their adoptive family.

As long as you and your DH could cope as a unit well I wouldn't rule yourself out. But of course you know your history where I don't.

It might be worth considering fostering initially then looking into either permeant fostering (similar to adoption) or adoption at a later stage

SquidgyBrain Mon 13-Dec-10 19:10:00

(sorry cross posted - my last post is probably irrelevant now)

I agree with CTW you are a lovely person for wanting to help these children

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 19:14:33

DH would prefer to adopt as he wouldn't want to give the children back. I would get attached too but still think fostering is helping even if only for a few days/weeks. TBH I would be attached after such a short space of time whatever. MIL went a funny colour when I told her we were thinking about adopting so wouldn't get any support there.

sux2bsanta Mon 13-Dec-10 19:45:26

Fostering article you might want to read (not trying to put you need people like you) but it was an eye-opener.

As for mental health issues I would refer to them at interviews/screening process as giving you insight/empathy/experience first hand into some of the issues/feelings youngsters may face.

But i would make sure you are up to it emotionally/mentally and that any past issues are resolved now as you might find fostering brings back stuff or causes stresses etc

Please don't think i am patronising - i have had prozac seroxat etc self-harmed as a young adult and had pnd later. When a change of circs required a medical reference depression was mentioned and i was livid...low and behold following the change in circs i was depressed.

Here is the article from guardian three weeks ago - a year in the life of a foster parent. y-of-a-foster-parent

Wishing you lots of luck and think you are fantastic.

sux2bsanta Mon 13-Dec-10 19:48:07 y-of-a-foster-parent

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 19:48:53

Thanks for the link. We don't intend to try and do this just yet as our youngest is still small but I would rather know now if it is a definite no so I can think about what else I could do.

IAmReallyFabNow Mon 13-Dec-10 19:49:59

Page not found confused.

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