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unmarried

(23 Posts)
cherylrcfs Wed 20-Aug-08 10:10:38

Hi! My fiance of 5 years is in the RAF and we had a baby together 6 months ago, at the time we rented privatley and were told that raf accomodation would be available to us after the birth of our baby - however there was no houses avaialble when i gave birth (we were told if we were marrid there would be house found - but cos we are unmarried there was none) me and the baby have had to moveback with my parents (4 hours away) and my finace back to the base cos we could not afford to rent private anymore! Does anyone know of anyone else who is unmarried with children and did they manage to be accomodated?

kerryk Wed 20-Aug-08 12:28:35

no. everyone on my camp had to be married before getting a quarter.

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 18:24:27

Sorry Cheryl thems the rules. Someone posted on here recently that gay couples could move into MQs so why couldn't they. The answer is marriage or civil partnership is the only way you are entitled to a quarter. As far as excess quarters go I think that you can contact your housing office and see what's available. But (you may hate me for this and I will prob get flamed) IME you and your child have far more support and rights (within military) if you are a spouse. You are already engaged, you have a little baby, maybe you should take the plunge! Just my opinion though.

Blandmum Wed 20-Aug-08 18:33:36

Basically you have to be married/ civil partnership.

as others have said, them is the rules.

Dh once tried to sort this out for someone that he was responsible for and no dice

cherylrcfs Wed 20-Aug-08 19:28:46

thanks everyone for yor comments - we are planning to get married but we aint getting forced in2 it just to get a house!! Ill be much happier if he just packed it in and came out!

Blandmum Wed 20-Aug-08 19:31:46

If you are not happy with him serving, then it is something that you need to discuss.

being married to a member of the Armed Forces has many positive things, but it is a real comittment for you as well as your dp.

and if you are not happy you need to discuss it sooner rather than later

hf128219 Wed 20-Aug-08 19:38:29

As long as he can get a job in civvy street! Good luck whatever you decide!

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 19:51:22

I don't think it's a question of getting forced into marriage by the RAF. You obviously don't want to get married, end of story. That's your decision. But as others have said on here and on other threads, it's not really just about the house. The current climate that our loved ones are serving in is more fraught with risk and danger than ever before and unless you are completely prepared (insurances etc) you are alone. I don't want to scare monger you, but being a married other half gives you an existance as far as the MOD is concerned. If you are not married/civil partnership, you and your children have few rights to pension, boarding school allowance, housing etc etc. Just a thought. But you should be happy with whatever you decide.

Cappuccino Wed 20-Aug-08 19:53:45

doesn't look good

Blandmum Wed 20-Aug-08 19:55:07

Your rights for compensation, pension provision, War widows pension, dependent child pension, compensation from the armed forces compensation scheme etc can all be compromised if you are not married (And I'm speaking from personal experience, I'm financially secure as a widow because dh and I were married, and he died in service)

It is obviously your choice, but it is worth thinking about the risks, and benefits of all of this

cherylrcfs Wed 20-Aug-08 19:56:11

no trust me we really want to get married (not just for the sake of house!!!) The baby just happened before we got down the isle! We shall see though!

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 19:57:32

ffs do I need a slap or something, you try to help out.....bovvered!

Cappuccino Wed 20-Aug-08 19:57:44

I'm sorry but the thread I just linked to doesn't suggest that you are looking at dresses atm

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 19:59:01

yep Cappuccino all these years of honing my knowledge and imparting it, I should have realised...never mind

hf128219 Wed 20-Aug-08 20:03:20

There is now talk of operational tours in Iraq/Afghanistan lasting for 1 year shock

cherylrcfs Wed 20-Aug-08 20:03:50

ok sorry to have rustled ur feathers ladies - remind me to never ask any advice on this thread!

hf128219 Wed 20-Aug-08 20:08:54

You aint ruffled my feathers!

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 20:17:32

Cheryl you didn't ruffle any feathers not really. Come back anytime. Hope it works out with your other half

HF - 1 year, blardy hell....I thought 6 months was bad enough

Blandmum Wed 20-Aug-08 20:21:16

No ruffled feathers on my part either. I just think that it is helpful to have information on the pros and cons.

It is obviously your decision, but if you are unmarried then your rights should (god forbid) anything happen to your dp will be affected. and you need to take this into account

cherylrcfs Wed 20-Aug-08 20:23:30

no worries ladies im sure all will work out in the end!

hf128219 Wed 20-Aug-08 20:23:50

priceyp - my dh did 9 months in Afghan last year (the whole of my pregnancy!)

priceyp Wed 20-Aug-08 20:29:49

Man alive! We have had a similar crap year. Although not as bad. He did 4 mths on a course while I was pg, then posted within 5 days and I had to pack up house, ds, dog etc and move within 2 weeks. Next year he's off to Afgan for 4 months, but I believe that we're (RAF) catching up with the Army now and tours will be 6 mths +. He's going to miss both kids bdays, dd first one! But I can't complain really it will fly by, compared to 9 mths and he loves his job!

hf128219 Wed 20-Aug-08 20:38:33

9 months actually flew by - and in some ways I had a really calm pregnancy - no-one to cook for, the remote control was all mine etc etc!!

It's a shame about the kid's birthdays - you will just have to have a party when he comes home grin

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