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Mr brother is back for two weeks then back out to Op Herrick [sad]

(5 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Tue 05-Aug-08 20:53:16

I have not posted here before, and I am not a force's sweetheart, but I was directed here ages ago so today I thought i would post as feel a bit down.

my brother and I have not always seen eye to eye as we have grown up, in fact we right royally hated each other when I was in my teens and he was in his early 20's!

He joined the army when he was 18, and has worked hard, seen a few wars, got married, and now has a great wife and three children. We have over the years come to realise we have more in common than we did when we were younger, he lives away from our original home in London, lives in Durham, and I live in Plymouth, other family stayed close to London.

Anyway, we were still not really to close as in talk a lot, got on fine just not in each others lives really. Then our mum died last year after a shortish but horrible illness. DB spent a lot of time travelling from at the time scotland where he was based to London, and me from Plymouth to London to visit. Mum lived with sister who cared for her, DB and I, and our families stayed in the family home, and got on great. I had at the time a new born, who grew older as the months went on, he had a 3yo and a 1 yo, another on the way.

He, and I, but at first mainly he, fell out with my sister over grief related stuff, my sister was exceptionally cruel, and when I stood up for him, she turned on me. She was so out of line for a long period of time that neither DB or I talk to her right now.

DB brought his wedding forward for mum to be there, she died two weeks before, and my sister would not come to the wedding, which really upset him. But he handled my sister and the shite that occured with dignity and respect, he showed himself to be a strong character and someone who I could be friends with, and for the first time I actually felt close to him, and I think vice versa too.
The our dad died - he was estranged, and we talked a lot about that too, and that brought us closer, again.

He spent most of his first year of marriage on exercise, could not attend my wedding as he was out of the country, but made the trip down to Devon with his three young children to tell me in person - a sign we were closer.

We spent a lot of time together, and then early this year, when his new daughter was only 5 months old, he went to Afghanistan. And I was surprisingly really upset.

He is back on Friday for two weeks, and he is chosing to come down to see me in Devon, for a break with his family, but to see me and my family (we were going to go up there but he wants to come here).

Then he goes back to Afghanistan sad. For a few more months. Luckily his DD's 1st birthday is in the two weeks he is at home, but he won't get to spend much time with his now 5 yo old son, or his other DD, who both miss him terribly.

I just wanted to write it all down. I know there are so many people here with much much sadder situations, this is not sad, he is stoic about his job, chin up gets on with it, its what he does, but, well I only just a proper relationship with him, and he has a family - I guess I am scared for him, for his family and for me.

There, its all out.

didsnbump Tue 05-Aug-08 21:46:32

I can understand why you feel sad, after such along time to finally be close to him again, having him go away to afgan is horrible.
My DH goes away to afgan this friday, its his first tour for many years and my first, so i can join ya in the feeling sad state!

hf128219 Tue 05-Aug-08 22:15:00

You are allowed to feel sad - but there are some lovely parts to your story. Be proud of him and what he has achieved - and the love and friendship you now share smile

PavlovtheCat Tue 05-Aug-08 22:43:52

Thank you for replying. I am proud of him. For his job, and for the person he has become. Not the shitty big brother I knew when I was a teenager, a decent human with good values, who is working hard for his country and his family.
dids I am sorry about your DH having to go away too - it must be so hard for you. I know SIL has missed him terribly. He used to be based just round the corner from home, for many years, they had two children then he was posted elsewhere in the country, they were not married, she stayed in their home and he came home at weekends, then when she became pg with no.3, he was away more and more, and now 3 children 5 and under, on her own! They were going to wait until he retires in a few years and have two more then, so he would not miss out on them growing up, two and two, did not happen!!

didsnbump Wed 06-Aug-08 21:37:43

We have a little boy together, he is 7 months on sunday. It breaks my heart that he will miss the next 6 months of him growing up as he will change so much in that time, he will miss his first christmas and first birthday, but this is the life we have choose so i just have to grit my teeth and get on with it.
We live in germany to so unfortunatly i dont have family close to hand, or unfortunatly many friends here either as alot of close ones we had made have been posted on!!

Im the same with having another child, i dont want DH to miss out on at least the first year, hopefully DH is transfering to do something else within the army, which if he gets will mean a couple of years not going anywhere, so will be trying for number 2 then i think!

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