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Thanks a lot RN

(15 Posts)
cali Wed 23-Jul-08 19:06:08

Meant to be bathing dd's but need to have a rant on here 1st.

Dh meant to be joining HMS X next week and was supposed not to be going anywhere for months, found out yesterday that he is now joining HMS Y and is going to sea in 4 weeks.

We had our holidays planned and I had booked my leave around his, will now be spending my leave in my own as can't change it to coincide with his.

So, he's on leave from Friday and I'm having to work as well as deal with him going to sea unexpectedly. Have no idea where or for how long sad.

As I said in title, thanks a lot royal navy. Saw a comment in their families section of their website that having children wasn't a right, looks like having any sort of life outside the navy isn't a right either.

rant over, need to put dd's to bed, sod the bath, wine is chilling, I think I'll be on MN a lot later.

Wouldn't mind but we've hardly had anytime together recently as we don't live in MQ and he's been travelling all over the place and we were looking forward to him coming home on a Thursday eve and not having to travel back until Sunday eve.

nell12 Wed 23-Jul-08 19:12:58

Oh that is awful, poor you. Life married to a blue suit sucks at times doesn't it.

Is there any way you can find out the ship's programme? Or perhaps tell us the ship and one of us may be able to find out more (IYSWIM wink)

cali Wed 23-Jul-08 19:17:05

He should find out very soon, ship is at sea at the moment but where he is going tomorrow will enable him to hopefully find out the programme.

Will just have to think of lots of nice things to do with all the money he won't be spending whilst away grin

nell12 Wed 23-Jul-08 19:18:59

And remember, you will have the bed and the remote control all to yourself again

Thats my favourite part blush

cali Wed 23-Jul-08 19:29:13

Have the bed to myself 5/6 nights a week normally but NEVER get a look in with the remote control when he is at home, so will be nice to choose what I want to watch on a Saturday night. That will be a novelty.

Berryred Wed 23-Jul-08 19:40:28

aww hun, thats so pants

cali Wed 23-Jul-08 19:52:02

dd2 now in bed, dd1 asking to go to bed now so shouldn't be too long before wine is opened.

scaryteacher Thu 24-Jul-08 00:42:09

Wouldn't it be boring being married to some one who was always around though? I used to quite like it when dh was at sea/weekending as I had my own space during the week. We have been living together in Brussels for 2 years now, and have another 2 to go here and it feels strange to have had him around for so long. The novelty is beginning to wear off!

Joolyjoolyjoo Thu 24-Jul-08 00:49:07

Much sympathy. This has happened to DH a few times now, and it just leaves you feeling so annoyed and insignificant, in the great RN scheme of things angry. I know we knew they were in the navy etc, and I know we should expect these things, and just accept them, but it gets very wearing. DH managed to miss our dd's christening, which was very carefully planned around the ship's programme, which was then changed on a whim. (That's a whole nother whine- why does the ship's programme bear as much resemblance to what the ship is ACTUALLY going to be doing as I do to Kate Moss??)

Anyway, I hope his sea-time goes in quickly for you.

nell12 Thu 24-Jul-08 10:13:43

Hi Cali, any news on the ship's programme yet?

cheekymonk Thu 24-Jul-08 10:41:15

Hi There Cali
I think it is disgusting the level of contempt that seems to underlie Navy's opinion of family. Like you, my dh has been away alot lately and so much since ds was born. Since May he has only been home the odd weekend while the ship has been at BOST in Faslane etc. I actually find the coming/going like this more unsettling but of course long deployment is harder to deal with.
Ship is due 8 month deployment soon (was 7 but has increased). Dh has been in Navy 10 years and plans to leave at 12 year point because it is so destructive to family life.
I know people are trying to make you feel better but no, it isn't boring to have them around all the time. The chance would be a fine thing I reckon!!
All I try to do is focus on the good times we have had together and all those good times to come, when we are grey and old and look back at this painful and difficult time and know we were strong enough to come through it.
The best advice is to try and enjoy the time you have together ( I know this is hard because there is this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, knowing they are going soon)do a calendar together you can cross off day by day, make plans for his return (can you rebook holiday- did you get insurance??)and LOOK AFTER YOURSELF so you can be strong enough for your children therefore. Have you got family and friends nearby??
That is my biggest downfall, no support system so if you have got it, great.
My MIL thinks I am a bit weak/pathetic and should support dh to stay full term in current economic climate. She was an army wife with 3 kids and she managed it fine. She can fuck off, its our lives and we have to do what is best for us in all respects, not just money.
All I am trying to say is that I acknowledge that it is really, really hard when they are away and you are perfectly entitled to moan and be upset. These hardened wives get on my nerves, like you say joolyjoolyjoo yes we knew they were in Navy but what are we supposed to do, just walk away??
Its the 21st century and I think the Navy needs to keep up with the times and support the families that keep the Navy going by not pulling them to sea at the last minute unless it really is World War 3 etc.
Best of luck Cali with everything xx

cali Thu 24-Jul-08 11:19:35

Thanks for your replies, still waiting to find out for definite what the programme is.

But we are looking at a 7 month deployment but not until next year but ship will be at sea off and until then.
it is so unsettling when they come and go, I went through so much of that when he was on the black tin cans. He's said that the ship is due to come up to Scotland at some point and he'll try and come home. I've told him not to as I personally find it easier to say goodbye once and will see him when the deployment is over.

Re the holiday, luckily we have got insurance!
and I do have family and friends quite close by (one of the deciding factors not to live in MQ).

The forces do not care for families at all. Dh was somewhere hot and sandy last year and due to a recurrence of a previous problem which could not be dealt with out there, he had to be medivac'd back to UK. I was told that someone would contact me to make sure I was ok and offer assistance. Well, over a year later, I am still waiting for that telephone call. Luckily Dh was fine after treatment and came home for a couple of weeks.

He moans about my work as yes the NHS can be inflexible but my work does not take me away for months at a time.
People have said to me too, "well you knew all about this when you got married"
Knowing someone will be away from you for a long period of time does not make the reality any easier to cope with.

I'm just so fed up at the moment that when he phones, I can hardly speak to him. I know it isn't his fault and that he was also looking forward to spending 3 days a week at home, but........

nell12 Thu 24-Jul-08 11:23:36

Try to stay positive, after all, you could be in a magnolia-clad, polyester-carpeted and curtained rabbit hutch as well smile

Love reading in-between-the-lines of your last post; only a Navy wife could interpret it grin

cali Thu 24-Jul-08 11:27:40

I'm staying in my own magnolia clad but not polyester carpeted hutchhouse(smile)

Will decorate when he is away, that's what I normally do as he *likes* magnolia but I prefer a bit of colour.

cali Thu 24-Jul-08 11:29:01

I should give up trying to do smart things in my posts, they just don't work for me and I use computers a lot blush

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