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Where does one go to live when the marriage is fucked.

(6 Posts)
Bitofadoomer Fri 07-Feb-14 22:20:28

In a nutshell after 20 years and 2 DC (now teens) my marriage is pretty much over.

As a service wife who has pretty much sacraficed any career I did have to follow my husband around with his career and moved every 2 to 3 years. I am wondering what to do and where to go.

My question is - where do service wives go to live when they divorce out of the marriage?

I left my home town (down south) 21 years ago. My parents are there and 1 friends but thats it. Property is £££££££ in my home town and surrounding area.

I have lived all over and feel I have no roots.

Where I am now is OK but unemployment high. I dont have a job at the moment and have not since we were posted here 3 years ago. I am coming to the end of a course soon too.

The kids are coming out of boarding school so I dont have to stay here I can moved where ever. However, they will be approaching GCSE years soon so I cant mess about. Where I am by this September will be where I have to stay for at least 5 years.

I loved living in Scotland years ago and always hankered moving back (it was our retirement plan for when he left the services) but tbh I dont think I am brave enough to move there all on my own and be over 450 miles from my family.

So where do divorced service wives go to live when their marriage breaks down and they need to start over?? Do I stay here (not in SFA obv)? or go elsehwere?

I am not 100% right now as I am dealing with alot of stress, but would love to know what you think you would do and what you know others have done, just because I am going around in circles, changing my mind daily.

Lucylouby Sat 08-Feb-14 13:54:39

Do you have any close friends from the military you could follow and settle there? My DH was in the forces and I am still in contact with one really good friend. I would happily move nearer her.
Would you be eligible for a council/ housing association property near your family?could you look into that?
What do your dc think? Do they have an opinion? Is your exdh still in the military?do they want to stay near him? Obviously this isn't a good idea if he is still serving as he will move and depends on the reasons for divorce i guess if you can bear to live in the same town.
It's a massive decision for you, good luck with what ever you decide.

jnl0612 Sat 08-Feb-14 23:58:07

The world is your oyster. I chose to move back to my favourite posting town when I divorced exh contact the British legion they help with things like this, with finding a place to live and the army will help with moving. Plus if you don't want to move out of your house they can just charge you rent for a while, I was in my qtr a year after my split

Iseesheep Mon 10-Feb-14 12:22:18

I'd be tempted to move to the area where your kids are at school now. They might not be going to the same school but that way they'll have some of their current (day) friends nearby and you probably know some of the mums already and so could have a bit of a social network in place. It might be the least disruptive option for the kids at least.

It's a tough one and I'd feel just as confused as you do now.

OnePlanOnHouzz Thu 13-Feb-14 10:11:35

there's some good info on this thread http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/forces_sweethearts/1942745-Leaving-forces-and-married-quarters-where-do-I-stand-with-council-house
hope it all works out for you !

ivegotaniphone Sat 15-Feb-14 20:28:56

I'm in the area were posted to several years ago that I fell in love with. I come from the far SE and could not afford to go back there, didn't really want to either tbh, it wouldn't have felt like home anymore. I'm about 150 miles from family. I've been here less than a year but have managed to get a good part time job and set myself up self employed on my days off.

Have 1 child at primary.

Am divorcing STBXH at the mo. it's been a hard year, but oh so worth it!!

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