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Addressing wedding invites?

(21 Posts)
FedupofTurkey Sun 28-Apr-13 17:57:52

Should i use titles, ie, Corporal John Smith and Lucy Smith?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 29-Apr-13 10:55:52

You should use titles (including military)

If the couple are married, the correct way to address envelopes would be Corporal and Mrs John Smith

If the couple are not married or the woman has retained her own name, the correct address would be for unmarried - Corporal John Smith and Miss Lucy Brown.

For married but retaining own name, it would be - Corporal John Smith and Ms Lucy Brown

The absolute correct etiquette (but only now used for invitation to royal garden parties and similar events) is to address the envelope only to the female invitee. The invitation inside ( which has a space for names to be written on) would be addressed per the examples above.

FedupofTurkey Mon 29-Apr-13 12:57:24

Thanks Goblin.

So it was a female military, it would be Corporal and Mr Jane Smith?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 29-Apr-13 14:12:36

No - it's always the man's name (both first and last)which is used ( if the couple have married and the woman has taken the man's name) and his title always comes first too. So it would Mr and Corporal John Smith.

What I would say is that a military title is not the same as a professional title in that doctors and dentists etc will use their title of Dr in their everyday lives.

My experience if the military is that they don't. So a general letter from the bank wouldn't tend to be addressed to Corporal John Smith rather Mr John Smith

My DH is a dentist so his title is Dr. His sister is also a dentist (so has the title Dr) but she's an army dentist too so also had the title of major.

When we invited her to our wedding, her invite was addressed to Dr x x not Major as it wasn't an army affair. However, when she has previously been invited to military weddings by colleagues, her invitation is addressed to Major x x

So my long winded point is that if you and/or your DP are in the military which I presume you are! and there are lots if military types then I would use the military titles but, if not, I would consider just using "mr" etc

Sorry - should have made that clear in the first post

penguin73 Mon 29-Apr-13 17:29:26

I would be careful on envelopes though if posting to non-military addresses. Many people are sensitive about having their military connections advertised, hence why many orgnisations will still use Mr, Mrs, Miss etc on the envelope but the rank inside.

FedupofTurkey Mon 29-Apr-13 22:45:12

Do i have to use our military title in the actual invite - its a fairly informal wedding, but will probably be in uniform.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 30-Apr-13 05:17:30

If it's informal I would just use first names only on the invitation

YoniMatopoeia Tue 30-Apr-13 05:25:39

I would absolutely NOT do major and Mrs John Smith. I give not one flying fig about whether some outmoded convention says this is correct. I married a military man, and happened to take his surname, but I still have my own first name. I am not called.John.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 30-Apr-13 06:08:11

I'm only telling the OP the correct way of addressing the envelopes etc - which is what was asked. This is not a thread debating the the rights and wrongs (sexist or otherwise) of those various forms of address.

I hope you never get an invitation to a garden party or you're going to be incandescent with rage wink

LtEveDallas Tue 30-Apr-13 06:27:39

I once had to invite Cdre Tim Laurence and Princess Anne to a military function. Oh the angst about addressing it correctly grin

YoniMatopoeia Tue 30-Apr-13 06:42:46

Not saying you are wrong gobbolino. I just don't see the need for it, garden party or not.

FedupofTurkey Tue 30-Apr-13 06:52:30

So its okay to also just put our names as miss and mr on the invite for our names as its informal even though fiancee may be in uniform?

LtEveDallas Tue 30-Apr-13 07:50:42

Yes it's fine Fedup. When DH and I got married we were both serving soldiers, as were 90% of the guests. We invited our guests as friends not colleagues, so didn't bother with military titles smile

YoniMatopoeia Tue 30-Apr-13 08:48:38

Yes. But how did you address the invite to princess Anne? ::nosey::

plantsitter Tue 30-Apr-13 09:02:55

Surely if it's informal you can put what you like? I HATE receiving a letter to mr and mrs plantsitter's husband. It's like the last bastion of formalised sexism.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Tue 30-Apr-13 12:59:49

Yes - agree with Yoni. I need to know! I think it would be H.R.H The Princess Royal and Commodore Timothy Lawrence R.N.? But if she was attending in her rank of RN officer then it would be that title? I love all this guff

Plant - yes, I also agree with you but after going to all the bloody effort of typing out all the possible formal addresses, I insist that Turkey uses them!

AuntieStella Tue 30-Apr-13 13:09:59

He's been knighted: in full he's Vice Admiral Sir Timothy James Hamilton Laurence, KCVO, CB, ADC(P)

LtEveDallas Tue 30-Apr-13 13:34:23

It was back in 2000 whilst he was still a Cmdr sorry, not a Cdre.

Gobbolina has it, but he was bloody lovely about it, because in the end I just asked him what on earth I should do and he said that his wife wouldn't actually attend, she never did so I shouldn't bother putting her on the invite.

He even said that he din't care if he didn't get a formal invite, he was attending anyhow, so "why waste paper" but what Gobbolino says is what the Palace actually instructed me to do.


Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 01-May-13 10:34:40

Aaah....thank you for confirming. Surely there's st be a job for me somewhere as someone's social secretary!

loopydoo Wed 15-May-13 12:48:03

If you are posting the invites via Royal Mail, you should not be using military ranks anywaysmile

AuntieStella Wed 15-May-13 12:51:56

Agree - if it's to a civilian address (their own, or a letting). It's OK to put rank on an envelope if it's to a military patch, where any bad guys would know everyone is military anyhow.

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