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Want to leave DH.

(24 Posts)
culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 20:40:47


SAHM, private renting, no savings, 3DC.

Senior rate DH has already refused to leave the house.


tryingtobemarypoppins2 Fri 10-Jun-11 20:43:57

Do you have family?

culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 20:50:42

parents are around but not in a position to take in 4 strays!

tryingtobemarypoppins2 Fri 10-Jun-11 20:59:01

Is he likey to be away soon?

culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 21:17:19

nope, September is the next time he's away.

This is just an absoluter bloody nightmare.

culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 21:17:38

spelling has gone to pot now!

scarlettsmummy2 Fri 10-Jun-11 21:19:39

go and declare yourself homeless at the local council. It would take a real bastard of a man to let you and your three children go to a hostel.

vintageteacups Fri 10-Jun-11 21:21:14

Someone on another forces thread said you need to tell saafa (sp) and they can get the rent in a new house paid for you for up to 3 months I think?

tryingtobemarypoppins2 Fri 10-Jun-11 21:21:37

Did you work before?? Just wondering if there was any job role which could allow you to take the children with you........ You didn't teach did you?? Obvious idea would be to get a prep school role and have your children with you for example.

He would have to support you...... have you done the figures?

vintageteacups Fri 10-Jun-11 21:22:44

Sorry - it was the British legion who helped with her rent.

culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 21:55:50

Thanks all.

I was in the Forces too.

Have done some basic figures, but I can't think past actually getting him out of the house ATM.

Can I go to the council and declare myself homeless, thought if I left the house I wouldn't be eligible as I would have intentionally made myself homeless?

Need to start making some more phone calls!

Xenia Fri 10-Jun-11 21:59:57

He might want the children of course and let's not be sexist why shouldn't men get the chidlren. You could get a full time job too - no reason women should live off male earnings. Perhaps look for work and then find a job and rent somewhere so the children can stay with you when they aren't with him.

mpsw Fri 10-Jun-11 22:08:32

It's not that straightforward, xenon, if the September deployment (or any others in the future) is overseas for 6 months.

culdesac - have you been on to SSAFA? They have two Stepping Stone houses where you can go with children. They can also help access MoD, civilian and charitable support for you.

culdesac Fri 10-Jun-11 22:09:36

He'd have a hard time looking after them from Afghanistan or Libya.

I will be going back to work when the baby is a bit older, right now I'm asking for advice about how to leave my husband whilst I'm in my current situation.

wheresthepimms Sat 11-Jun-11 14:04:38

Go to the UWO say you want to declare yourself as seperated and he needs to move out. Think then he has to as you are the childcare person, so he then gets told to move into the mess. If he makes a fuss the mp's will be phoned then you need to wait as as soon as they are called SS get involved.. Otherwise phone the police tell them you want him out of your home and then UWO has to get involved and he will be removed to camp having had to surrender his house keys. That is what my friend did, then she thought about british legion, SSAFA etc to get herself moved and supported.

Padre could be a good bet too they will get him moved into the mess

MotherOfGirls Sun 12-Jun-11 08:01:07

Your Unit Welfare Officer is definitely your best bet. In my experience they are often very supportive and they know exactly what the process is in this sort of situation. He/she should also be able to put you in touch with other agencies who can help.

Good luck - it is an awful situation to find yourself in.

Stars82 Mon 20-Jun-11 23:06:32

get him to declare to his HR that he is now separated, they will then give a 90 ''cooling off'' period, should after that time the separation be final they can get DHE to issue a notice of eviction which you can take to the council to het help with housing. Have a look at the SAFFA website or possibly the Families Fedaration. The community Development Officer could also give advice and most camps I had served on have them.

Happylander Mon 27-Jun-11 20:38:16

I'm not sure how you stand getting him out because you are privately renting and therefore I am assuming as he is paying rent on the property he has as much right to be there as you do. Think it would be different in MQ's as welfare can have more input. I am also not sure that you can get the police to remove him unless he has been violent as they aren't so quick to just throw the man out anymore.
Why is he refusing to leave the house? Is he against you splitting up? Worried he won't see his kids if you split up? I know some people have suggested some tough ways to get him out but does he deserve that? I'd try to remain amicable as you do have children. Although I don't know how hard that could be as don't know full circumstance of why you want him to leave.
I would talk the UWO like many have suggested and also the Padre. I'm not religious but they are pretty sound guys who could maybe talk to your husband about the situation in a less emotional way than you can.
You can go and declare yourself homeless to the council and, as you have children, they would put you in emergency accommodation and this could be anything from a hostel to a grotty B and B and you may be all in one room.

DorisIsAPinkDragon Mon 27-Jun-11 20:53:31

I think your first call should be to SAFFA, they should be able to help you even if it is temporary accomodation.

The fact that it is private rented means the MOD have little say on his actions.

Once you have a (different) roof over your heads ex service charities may be able to help (in view of your previous service).

Have you considered looking at what csa payments he would need to make, and any other benefits you may be enetitled to ?housing benefit. If SAFFA could get you somewhere temporaraily whilst you established yourself you would be able to move forward and without the bagage associated with the old house (which may be too expensive for you as a lone parent).

Good luck

TheOriginalFAB Mon 27-Jun-11 20:54:41

If you want to leave your husband why does he have to be the one to go?

Omarlittlest Mon 27-Jun-11 21:01:50

please post in relationships you will get extremely pragmatic legal advice

MrsMatelot Tue 28-Jun-11 11:53:57

I was browsing another forum yesterday and found this

MrsMatelot Tue 28-Jun-11 11:54:51

LeonardNimoy Tue 28-Jun-11 14:53:17

SSAFA wil help with rents and deposits, but you have to be seen to be helping yourself too - they won't just blindly pay rent for you. If you are eligible for HB etc and can find somewhere to rent, they would help you then.

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