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I am raging, in fact beyond raging now

(19 Posts)
QueenoftheSouth Fri 27-May-11 10:44:46

I have raged enough today and am now all calm.
Except I'm not.

I am a regular on here, long time MNetter. And I've also been a military wife for 18 eyars, have seen it and done it, ntohing should shock me anymore.
DH has been away for a month on a course. Last night he rang me about 6pm and said since it was the last night they were going to happy hour in the mess and he wouldn't ring later on.
So, about 11.30 i got a text "I don't feel very well, I can't find my room" hmm.
SO i rang him, as was awake and worried by this point.
he eventually found his room, having thrown up several times in teh bushes nad had ended up int eh guardroom FFS,
but had been sick all over himself and the room and the sink and god knows where else.

Now - I know people drink in the messes,etc, hell i've done it myself but someone was buying him what he thought was vodka and coke and it turned out that it was vodka, gin, bacardi and coke, then triple vodka and coke, then a gin,bacardia dn double vodka.
The person buying it for him was a feckin 55 year old WO.
I know you could say he didn't have to drink it, I said that to him, he didn't have to drink it, but he said they were in rounds and he just thought they were buying him vodka and coke! FFS.

I am so raging. He is now still at the base where the course has been, unable to get out of bed. We are driving to scotland first tomorrow

SaraNLilly Fri 27-May-11 11:33:15

Fellas hey... they get cought up in the moment.. You would think that he had more sense but they never really learn! Yes be angry, but make sure he makes it up to you! whatever you enjoy! either an hour free from the kids or a bubble bth or a new dress/perfume/book what ever makes you happy XXX Lets hope he learns from this X

OfflineFor30Seconds Fri 27-May-11 12:40:36

The pressure to drink annoys me too, often pushed from the top down.

DH is hungover today from a lunch yesterday. I have zero sympathy.

MadreInglese Fri 27-May-11 12:42:40

Wouldn't he know the difference between vodka & coke and vodka & gin & bacardi & coke? hmm

vintageteacups Fri 27-May-11 12:53:00

Hear, hear.
DH really doesn't tolerate alcohol well; I'd go as far as to say doesn't tolerate it at all.

However, he insists that it's expected and that you can't be seen to be not joining in hmm.

What bothers me the most is that he mixes it; so say if there's a mess dinner, he'll have a g & t before going in, then white wine and possibly red wine and then port, followed by beers in the bar! He just doesn't get it when I say it's because you mixed them!!!!

Oh and as for the being sick in the sink thing - it makes me want to be sick! DH often came home and threw up in the kitchen sink, having wlaked past the loo! makes me so cross. I had to then stand at goodness knows what time in the morning, bleaching the sink.

And if you try to give them sympathy, they throw it back at you saying something like "don't come near me, it's all my fault, don't touch me, I don't want your sympathy".

I hate the drinking ethos that exists in the forces but I really think that it's fuelled by guys who just do it anyway, even if they don't really want to.

I do however, know someone who's dh is completely tee total. He easily stops and says no so I think the rest of them really secretly love it - even if they tell us they don't grin.

vintageteacups Fri 27-May-11 12:53:43

and yes - I could easily tell the difference between those two drinks so he may have slightly exaggerated on that one wink.

penguin73 Fri 27-May-11 17:11:02

I hate the 'expected to join in' line - having been in numerous RAF and Army messes at formal dinners/happy hours/meetings/social events over the last 20 years there was never anything more than a little bit of stick if you chose not to drink - the idea that 'you have to do it' is very outdated and often little more than an easy excuse for not wanting to say no.

shesgotherlipstickon Sat 28-May-11 08:57:26

I agree with penguin. My hubby rarely drinks, if he does it's no more than a couple. He's even turned down some binge type events as he dosent really drink.

He's never been forced to or harassed, ever. It's not affected his career or the ability to make friends. He's not a massive drinker, and is never expected too.

I thought this kind of stuff was very old school. I think some do use it as an excuse!

swingingcat Sat 28-May-11 15:56:59

My hubby used to bow to pressures to drink and then he grew up, his words!

He's been hauled into the boss and had the interview without coffee about his refusal to drink but he always refers to QRs and the boss makes no more of it.

I do think it's a stage that men go through.

madwomanintheattic Sun 29-May-11 01:05:08

he's an adult. and he knows what to expect.
i loathe it, but he presumably isn't stupid and would have been mostly aware that he was getting completely off his head, even if he didn't know the exact contents of his glass.

i'd love someone to actually challenge the ethos (a formal complaint against the wo would be a good start, but only if dh genuinely didn't know. having spent 16 years serving and drinking with blokes out stag, i'd be enormously surprised if he felt able to pull that one off. 'i didn't know' is generally reserved for wives and girlfriends.) <sigh>

i've always said that one day i'm going to research alcohol and the military.

sc - that's the sort of thing i really object to - enforced drinking. awful awful awful. but few and far between will make a stand.

your dh should have been put into a police cell and watched all night if he was that drunk. for his own safety. might have made him a bit less likely to carry on playing the game next time as well. wink

Meow75 Sun 29-May-11 01:16:03

I've always been really pleased that my hubby has never really fe Tyne we'd to get sucked into all this crap.

He's a RAF Armourer, and they have this "thing" that one is not a "REAL" Armourer unless you can get a pint down in 10 s or less - any leftover after 10 goes on your head, and everyone is expected to "do the yard" (consume a yard of ale - or other preferred drink.) soon after being posted onto the unit, but other than that, there is absolutely no pressure whatsoever from anyone for someone to drink if they don't want to.

The sheep mentality is ridiculous, and the kind of thing that I would expect from an 18-or 19-year old fresh recruit trying to impress his new mates than genuinely grown up men who have wives, children, chores and roles to fulfil, examples to set!!!

Meow75 Sun 29-May-11 01:18:19

Oh my God - my first sentence got all chewed up. Can't even remember what it was supposed to say blush

SouthStar Sun 29-May-11 01:42:15

This happened to my hubby. His first night in the mess after being made up and along came the traditional yard of ale..... with every spirit you could think off.
Hubby hasnt been a big drinker since the day I fell pregnant but either way that mix would have done some damage to a heavy drinker. Took half an hour to hit his system, he fell over and knocked himself out when he cracked his head on the toilet. He had to be put in the cells for the night as once his mates found out what had been put in his drink they thought he was going to end up in hospital.
He actually got an apology a few days later as his boss' like to keep the tradition of the new boy in the mess downing a yard of ale and he was gunning for whoever added so much to his drink.

Boys will be boys!!

madwomanintheattic Sun 29-May-11 20:29:40

grin
although my favourite ever mess story does involve me in a boat race with a monk and a nun. everyone had a pint except the nun who would only drink g&t. grin

vintageteacups Sun 29-May-11 23:49:43

swinging cat think your dh mioght have spun you a yarn about him being called into the office and told off for not drinking.

Nobody can do that ; I think it would be more likely that he was called in and said that he should join in more/attend if 3 line whip/be more sociable with the guys/team player etc.

swingingcat Mon 30-May-11 10:29:22

Maybe he did Vintage?

He attends every function and is very sociable but he just prefers not to drink!

whizzyrocket Wed 20-Jul-11 13:24:46

My husband and I have also had this chat. He has also done a certain amount of "bowing to pressure" but I have told him that it worries me because of the long-term health risks and he seems to respect that more than what the other guys will think. We've talked about people who keep themselves fit in the gym but whose diet and drinking habits mean that over time they're just putting their organs under more and more strain meaning that when they're young they'll probably feel great but they're much more likely to have a heart attack or something equally awful when they reach their mid-forties. Seeing other people burn out has made an impact on his views too.

What I particularly don't understand though is why they'll drink so much just before they need to do something important.. or important to them anyway. My chap captained the RAF fencing team recently and then moaned when the team didn't do so well the day after they went out and drank. He doesn't drink so much he is sick any more but I still don't understand the culture.

Blurry29 Fri 22-Jul-11 09:54:59

Honestly don't mean to sound rude but if you have been doing it for 18 years then surely you are aware of how messes work???

yes you are right it is an awful state to get in but he's the one thats gonna have to clean himeself up (at least he wasn;t at home to be sick )

If he is in the mess and can't get out of bed so he'll be the one that looks like a jack ass not you!!!

Yes I agree a little OTT for the WO to buy drinks like that however, if your DH has been doing it long enough then surely he is aware of the tricks and stunts people will do with regards to ''topping'' drinks up with other spirits etc!!

My DH uses the mess regulary and has been victim to exessive drinking but will now order his own or between drinks just order a coke ( he will tell the lads its voddy and coke lol)

with regards to going to Scotland....Surely he'll be ok tomorrow to drive??? If not then can't you drive but make him feel very guilty for it?

I don't know why you seem surprised that things like this happens if youhave been around for 18 years smile

Blurry29 Fri 22-Jul-11 09:56:09

blond moment of the day....noticed that post was written in May

I hope he's sobered up by now smile

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