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Why are ppl so obsessed with dd's eating habits?!

(6 Posts)
CapricaSix Wed 10-Jun-09 20:29:56

Her CM particularly goes on & on about it every day, dd "done really well today, i'm proud of her" or "I'm not happy with dd today, she didn't eat any tea..." She obsesses about how much lunch dd ate at school, marvels at how little she eats generally & says she worries about her. Said she makes a big deal when dd eats all her tea.

dd is now on packed lunches at school cos she said the dinner ladies put too much on her plate & then make her eat it all.

She has always had a small appetite, everyone who has had to deal with dd at mealtimes has an issue with it, and i myself have had my fair share of stressing out about it. (Thankfully things seem to be going well at home in this respect).

Why can't ppl just leave her alone, let her get on with it, let her decide and have control over how much she puts into her body?!

I'm a bit worried that particularly the CM's attitude to dd and her food will spoil dd's relationship wtih food in the long term, and how she views herself as an eater, iykwim.

Abi12 Wed 10-Jun-09 22:49:42

Perhaps you could say to your childminder that you are well aware of your DD's eating habbits and thank her for caring and keeping you updated but ask her not to mention it to DD as you prefer to let her get on with it and you are worried the effect childminder's comments might have on DD in the future.

Maybe you could say something to the same effect to the school. It's probably a good thing that the childminder tells you what DD has eaten as it keeps you fully in the loop -IYKWIM.
When I was little I ate very small portions and used to stress about going to my friends' houses incase their mothers put too much on my plate - I eat really normally now and have done since I was about 10-11.

CapricaSix Thu 11-Jun-09 10:02:24

She's not an easy person to confront, v opinionated. I did tell her once that she was putting dd under too much pressure, she denied it saying she never gives her anything she doesn't like and only gives her small portions (i wonder if her idea of "small portion" is the same as mine though?) and doesn't make her eat it ALL. I then said, well, i mean talking about it every day like this in front of her, etc, she then agreed with me & saw my point but hasn't stopped!
It's more important to me that we have a relaxed, unconditional & unjudgmental attitude to our children's eating habits, and that they learn how to eat when they're hungry, stop when they're full, etc, than that they eat what & how much we think they should be eating. esp if it's all so emotive "i was really proud of her, she done well" or "i'm not happy with her today". angry
A child is not "good" because they finish their meal, I think it's good if they know when to stop!

Thing is, it would be asking a CM to change her whole attitude if i wanted her to have the attitude i have, and that's not easy to do - esp when you have other children to look after too. i just try & reassure myself that children are good at differentiating between diff adults' attitudes and that her predominant learning & experience will come from me.

tbh i wouldn't care if i wasn't told what & how much dd eats. besides, if i do want to know dd will tell me (i have been known to ask before). As long as she seems happy and healthy it doesn't matter. if shes in my care then obv i do care, but its out of my hands when she's not.

lizziemun Thu 11-Jun-09 11:28:47

I would tell your cm to write in your dd dairy what she eaten during the day and you will read later and not to disscuss it in front of dd.

I get this all the time from my mil. Appantly it a joy to feed dd2 after dd1. As dd1 eats enough to keep a fussy knat alive grin but she is one of the tallest in her class has bags of energy so the little she eats is right for her. Where as dd2 is a dustbin and will anything and everything well except milk which she hated from birth.

talbot Thu 11-Jun-09 12:10:33

I sympathise. I have a son who has a tiny appetite and people just go and on and on about how little he eats. Drives me nuts.

CapricaSix Thu 11-Jun-09 12:23:30

The irritating thing is, it's not as if she doesn't eat much, throughout the whole day. Certain she eats a LOT less on a school day, but at home at the weekends etc she has free access to her (mostly healthy) snack fridge, so she eats little & often. Sometimes she does eat a lot at tea time, other times she doesn't. Depends either on how many snacks she's eaten, whether she's going through a growth spurt, how active we've been that day, and so on.

I'm sure she eats less at school & with the CM because she's probably more anxious about it!! Or trying to push buttons... wink

The CM doesn't have a diary. Don't know if she does for the other kids (they're younger). I don't think I said how old dd is -she's 5.10.

And she's not even that fussy. She won't eat fruit other than bananas & raisins, and green veg (other than peas) and any salad is also a no-no, but other than that there is a wide variety of stuff she'll eat. Vegetable wise she likes beans, chickpeas, olives, capers, lentils, all types of potatoes, mushrooms (even raw), carrots, cauli cheese, sweetcorn, peas. She likes any meat, fish (apart from salmon), rice, pasta, bread, pizza, beanburgers. She also eats a big breakfast, 2 bowls of cereal which seems loads compared with her appetite the rest of the day!
It's funny how people (including myself at times, i admit) view her as very fussy. I think she is just very clear about what she does & doesn't want to eat, and how much. And good on her i say!

It is infuriating if she has spent an hour whining about how hungry she is & asking when tea will be ready, but then only eat 3 mouthfuls, of something she likes, and wants to get down - then 10 mins later whining for something else! Now that sort of thing i struggle with myself!

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