Fussy eating 9 year old - please help

[jellibabe]

I am having real problems feeding my 9 year old daughter. If I try to give her any vegetables she picks them out. Shopping has become hell and I often wander around Adsa/Tesco wondering what to feed her.

She will eat omelette, pasta, mild cheese, rice, chicken, tomatoes, sweetcorn, pork, bacon, sausages (chipolata's), beefburgers, fish fingers, chicken curry, chicken fried rice, potatoe scones, yorkshire pudding and bread.

She is fairly good at eating fruit and will eat strawberries, grapes, melon, kiwi, apples, mango, oranges and pineapple. Will not touch potatoes (in any shape or form), carrots, peppers, brocolli, cauliflower, peas, courgettes and turnip.

Am desperate. Tried being forceful but this does not work. Dinner becomes a disruptive nightmare - swinging on chair, puting brother off dinner, picking at food with fingers.

Can anyone help me?

[Flllightattendant]

I don't want to be dismissive but that is a pretty good list.

When I was 11, all I would eat was a few bites of cake.

Now that was a problem...

[jellibabe]

Thanks flllightattendant just wish their was more veg in that list. Grated pured or chopped she can detect them from across the room.

All these programmes on TV now make you feel so guilty about what you are feeding your kids.

[jellibabe]

Anyway what changed flllightattendant?

[Flllightattendant]

I hope I didn't come across as not taking you seriously - I think she is probably in a phase, from what you say she gets a brilliant range of foods - there is probably every nutrient she needs among those things.

Try not to worry. Yes, there is a culture of 'all children must eat this and this and this' but really they are all different.

I'm sure there will be some suggestions about encouraging her and making veggies see more appealing, I would help with that if I could but am not very good at food myself!

[Flllightattendant]

Oh I was a very nervous child - school phobia, panic attacks etc...nothing has changed, I still prefer cake to anything wholesome...

[jellibabe]

Gosh it's nice to have a conversation with someone. As a working single parent sometimes that's rare.

Guess you must have kids too or you would not be on this site. Are yours good eaters?

[jellibabe]

Reading my post it looks like she will eat veg but effectively she will only touch sweetcorn and tomatoes.

[Flllightattendant]

Mine are 4 years old and 7 months old. The first one is picky, but robust - I stuck to breastfeeding for as long as possible to avoid having to cook (my pet hate!) but he does eat a variety of stuff, and seems to manage well on school dinners though he won't eat what I make at home quite often!

The younger one is interested in food but it's early days!

I am truly not good with food or cooking, I was anorexic for a while years ago. But that was psychological issues rather than related to what I ate as a child.
How old is your other child?

[jellibabe]

My son is 4. He loves mince and potatoes (she hates them) but is easily influenced.

[jellibabe]

Well ironically I have to add she was breastfed he was not.

[edam]

if she's eating a variety of fruit, I wouldn't panic too much about veg. Doesn't sound like a terribly unhealthy or restricted diet to me - and I suspect getting wound up and making an issue out of it will be counterproductive (although I'm sure it's only natural).

[jellibabe]

Thank edam. Going shopping today so will be placing lots of fruit on the list. Not sure about the other stuff tho.

[squilly]

I was looking here for some reassurance/see what advice you got as my 7yr old DD just doesn't like food. I think I'm hijacking your thread (I'm new to all this, so excuse me if that's the case).

I've worked like buggery to get her to broaden her food choices...used bribery, force, the not interested approach...you name it. I try to put one new thing on her plate at each meal and sometimes I leave her to try it...sometimes I bribe her...sometimes I force her. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't and it's just a constant, wearing battle.

We've currently got the following on the menu:-

pasta (no sauce)
cucumber
Peppers
Carrot sticks
carrots cooked (sometimes)
green beans (sometimes)
bread & butter (unless it's a bread roll, in which case it has to be rustique and plain)
cheese sandwiches for lunch (yes every day)
McDonalds chips (a rare treat) always with 2 chicken nuggets (she won't eat more than that).
Small chunks of meat (ie 2 small bite sizes of lamb or beef)...but reluctantly.

Ice cream and chocolate

She won't eat any food mixed together (ie anything with sauce) so there's no opportunity for stealth feeding and she's just not interested in food...ever!

Her dad & I both love food. We eat as a family and we love to eat socially. THAT's the thing we see our girl missing and it just makes me sad.

Sorry...I'll stop ranting now....I am a bit depressed, so probably not a good time to come on line...but hey...a girl's gotta vent when a girl's gotta vent.

[jellibabe]

Good to hear from you squilly. I totally understand how you feel as I constantly worry about my 9 year old. Feel like I have tried everything too. Have resorted lately to just making what I was going to make for dinner and trying to not cringe as she removes every scrape of veg from her plate. She does not get money for playtime unless she has breakfast before she goes to school. And while I do allow the kids sweets they know if they don't eat (some) dinner they don't get anything later. Mine not keen on sauce on pasta either will eat pasta with grated cheese or tuna and sweetcorn tho. Good luck - if find out any ways of tackling this problem please let me know.

[Ponyta]

Oh, my nine-year-old dd eats almost exactly the same range as yours, Squilly, only she won't eat peppers. I am trying to do cooking with my dd, but it is hard work. Also I eat out with her more than we can really afford; but if she's in a fancy restaurant - er, like Nando's - she will occasionally try new stuff.

[squilly]

Thanks for just knowing how it feels Jellibabe. I feel like a freak half the time, trying to explain to people that no, she won't eat pizza, spag bol or fishfingers! So I know how neurotic it can make you.

Your girl does sound like she's having a good diet though, on the whole. And I guess we have to hope that our little treasures will grow out of it! I made mine watch an episode of Freaky Eaters last year, and tried to explain why she had to eat a wider range of food. She did try for a day or two after that, but it got old quite quickly for her!

Ponyta, I like the thought of taking my girl to a fancy restaurant, like Nando's, but she's definitely a McDonalds girl. We once took her one of the nicest Italian restaurants in Sheffield and she had a bowl of plain pasta. Luckily it was lunchtime, so it only cost me £9 for her. Oh, and she didn't like the shape it was in, so she only ate a couple of pieces of it. AAGGHH!!!

I'll keep my fingers crossed that all our kids grow out of it! SOON...or they'll turn their mums hair white. (Too late, mine's halfway there)

[Ponyta]

Yup, we do the plain pasta thing too

[edam]

I can remember being a faddy eater as a child and feeling quite repulsed by foods that were mixed together in any way - so pasta sauce with veg would have been disgusting in my eyes. I remember being amazed that anyone could possibly eat trifle, let alone regard it as a treat! And horrified by my father putting some roast chicken on his fork and a piece of potato.

Hopefully your dcs will grow out of it, just as I did. But while it's going on, if they are anything like me, the idea of mixing foods is really quite disgusting. Don't think you are going to convince them otherwise, I'm afraid.

[newyorkdolls]

Please try every thing you can to get her to eat normal foods, or else she will end up like me. I have such awful fads that if anyone invited my dh and I for supper it would be my idea of hell as I do not like: root vegs, pulses, which leaves one very limited.

[squilly]

Edam...I can tell this is exactly how my girl feels about things. You can see the horror when you suggest something like pizza! GROSS!

And newyorkdolls...I'm so sorry for your situation. This is the one thing I can't imagine, being a great trougher of food. I love eating almost as much as I love breathing and the thought of not being able to enjoy social eating is what drives me to beg, bribe, cajole, incentivise any kind of deviation from the limited menu!

I keep thinking that if she's still the same when she gets older, I'll advise aversion therapy or something similar, but I think you're right. Sorting it out now is probably the only way!

[edam]

I used to eat the crusts from my mother's pizza but wouldn't touch the actual tomato or cheese.

[newyorkdolls]

It's not just root vegetables and Pulses, it is a lot more. But, if you live on the crap I do you end up fat. I'll tell you one tng, my kids are not allowed to get away with it, as it is such a limiting life.

[maggiethecat]

Jellibabe your girl eats plenty compared to my 4 yr old dd1 who will not eat eggs, most meat (struggles with chicken), is repulsed by the smell of fish, picks out peas, beans (no chance of protein intake there) but thankfully eats cheese and drinks milk. She likes pasta and rice but is very finnicky and sometimes just will not eat. Eats fruit and few veg like broccoli and carrot but is not adventurous. She is very bright and we explain to her the value of eating well but she stubbornly refuses. We offer treats sometimes and get her to help with food preparation but overall it seems like a big effort with small reward. To make it worse she does not have cooked lunch option at school and very often her packed lunch comes back hardly eaten.
Her dad and I are foodies and there is always variety and good food at home - sometimes we wonder if we try too hard and she knows our anxieties so just tunes out?

[jellibabe]

Can't imagine anyone eating less than my dd (not clued up yet on these abbreviation so hope that means darling daughter). How do you manage to feed her?

I found that if I get stressed out about her eating and turn it into a drama that has an adverse affect. In some ways her limited diet is like a cry for attention. Don't know how to help her (our yours) tho.

God sorry just really depressed today.

[cory]

Re the pasta sauce: we had this little theological conversation, my ds (about 5 at the time) and I. He likes to wind me up because I'm the only Christian in the family, so he told me Heaven sounds a really silly place with all those white robes and slly people playing harps. I countered that I don't really think it's going to be like that- I see Heaven more as a place where you get away from all the things that make it so difficult to be really happy on earth. Thinking of course of things like jealousy and spitefulness and misunderstandings.
-What! he exclaimed (little face lighting up), -What, you mean- no sauce!!!

So there's your definition of Heaven, from the perspective of a 5yo: the place where all earthly sauces are cleared away!

They really don't like them.

Ds is still a fussy eater, though I have to tell you I am not clear about what his dislikes are: I gave up looking at his plate years ago. I stick to a few basic family rules:

no snacking within an hour of supper time

no rude comments about other people's cooking allowed

3 items are allowed on any family member's WON'T-EAT list; these I will try to avoid or serve an alternative or simply let them off tasting

the 3 items may not include basic foodstuffs such as bread or potatoes or vegetables in toto (though you can have one type of veg)

any changes to the list must be made before the shopping has been done

other than this I will expect people to try everything, but not necessarily to eat a given quantity

I will not fuss- if you don't eat enough, you will be hungry until breakfast. I will refuse to believe that this is a big deal.

Dd was also a fussy eater, but magically transformed about the age of 8 or 9; she now (11) eats most things enthusiastically and even compliments me on my cooking. Ds is admittedly a little thin, but I hope he will come to his senses before he becomes completely transparent.