Ds 10 won’t eat

[Seniorschoolmum]

No matter what I cook for ds 10, he won’t eat it. This week he “ doesn’t like” peas, cottage pie, pasta with tomato and bacon sauce, carrots, new potatoes. All of which he’s eaten before. He won’t touch “wet food” - risotto, curry, casserole although he has never tried it. I’m struggling to know what else to do.
Almost every meal goes in the bin and ends up with a row. Every meal is a misery. I hate eating with him but I refuse to buy him burger king/cheap 50p rubbish pizza.

My mum’s view is just ignore him until he’s so hungry, he eats, but that feels like bullying. We can’t go on like this.

What should I do?

[TanteRose]

will he eat frozen pizza, nuggets etc?

just completely let go of the control, let him eat what he wants - he won't starve (maybe give him a chewable multi vitamin so you feel a bit better about his nutrition.)

also get one of those divided plates, and put a small amount of three or four foods in each section.

I know its difficult but its not worth it if its making everyone miserable. He might start eating better in a couple of months (or not until he is about 18, like my son

my DS by the way, is now 6 foot and cooks amazing meals for himself with ALL the veggies etc.

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

My Dd did this and I refused to cave in and give her only what she wanted. I do the old "well that's it until breakfast"

I'm not cooking a load of different meals for everyone.

My mum warmed ours back up for breakfast if we didn't eat it!!

[Seniorschoolmum]

He’ll eat pizza but only mild pepperoni. And he”ll eat the cheapest kind of nuggets.

I don’t think I can intentionally feed him rubbish. It just feels like complete failure. .

[celticmissey]

It can be really difficult with a fussy eater. My DD is 8 and we have a similar problem. She ate everything as a toddler but will only eat certain things now. We talked about the few things she'd eat and designed a meal planner around that. I made it clear that we needed to include a vegetable and one or two fruits - she chose carrots, raspberries and apple. She also has a vitamin each day and we agree she must try one new food each week and she can't have any treats until she's eaten her meal. She is limited to two treats a day. It's a nightmare with kids who won't eat this or that. There's no point in me saying there's nothing else until you eat this or that because she just wouldnt eat it. By giving her some input into a meal planner she cant so easily turn around and say she doesn't like it. It's a bit samey on some days but over time by trying new foods each week I'm hoping things will improve.good luck.

[MaverickSnoopy]

We went through this with DD1 about 9 months ago when she'd just turned 6. In her case it was absolutely about control. I realised this when in a last ditch attempt I took her to tesco to choose her dinner. She chose a mini pizza, chicken thighs and peas. When I presented it to her she declared she didn't like it - without even trying it.

Firstly, I spoke to school to find out how much she was eating there. Everything apparently!

So this is what we have in place now. Dinner is dinner. "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it, not a problem. Just leave it." Requests for alternatives are met with "This is what there is, if you're hungry then you might want to eat it because there's nothing else until breakfast". Anything uneaten is left on the side and can be eaten at any point up until bedtime in case she changes her mind. No pudding of any sort (apart from weekends). If she eats everything and is hungry half an hour later she can have fruit. I ask for her input into meal planning. I also explained that we all have favourites and have to take it in turns. On some occasions she still gets upset and I respond with "this is Xs favourite meal, it's your turn on x day".

I make it sound so simple. It hasn't been. Things are better now though and she is eating well. The other day she asked for more cabbage! It can turn around just like that. You do however need to be unwaveringly consistent and very firm (but chirpy as if it's all just normal, ie ignoring the tantrums). You need clear rules - even if just in your head. Personally I initially fell down because she was so good at varying each scenario, which was why I needed blanket rules to reel off.

[Monty27]

I have had this and still do.
DS and I had a discussion the other night. He's hard to feed.
He doesn't like soft foods. That includes many things..
He is 22 now and still the same. But cooks for himself.
It's been a long road.
I would love the money back from the food that has gone in the bin.
He went to secondary school and there were shops around. Greggs for breakfast and dirty chicken for lunch.
I was working full time and it was a relief in the end that he would eat anything.
He is now a reasonable cook, stir-fry, Hunter's chicken, wraps blah blah. But it took years.
He just didn't like normal food but is still growing out it.
Sorry for railroad and I expect to be told off on all levels.
OP try and nip it in the bud.

[bellinisurge]

Mine went through a phase of this. I admit I caved and just aimed at getting stuff inside dd with vitamin gummies to supplement. She's ok now

[Seniorschoolmum]

Having read all these, I’m going to stop making such an effort. I’ve got too stressed and it’s not helping either of us.

I’m going back to cooking my basics. Tonight is chicken & mushroom risotto and broccoli which I can make in my sleep. .

If he doesn’t like it, there’s bread, cheese & cherry tomatoes which he can get himself. And I’m not going to rise. Deep breath....

Thanks all x

[PiggeryPorcombe]

Yeah ds (11) is similar. I feed him what he’ll actually eat on the proviso that he still tries what the rest of us are having. He’s an active, sporty, happy child and thankfully will eat fruit and only likes Weetabix for breakfast so I just try to balance out his meals as best I can.

And if your ds will eat bread, cheese and cherry tomatoes then that’s a pretty decent meal for a child imo.

[BlackrockMum]

my nephew was same about "wet" food, he's almost 15 now but from age 3/4 he had a thing about sauces, he had a tantrum at a party when the chips had ketchup on the side, over time he's got a little better but at his worst which was probably 9-11, he had meals that were individual portions of simple ingredients, like you mention your risotto he'd have rice , and plain chicken separate, mushrooms no way too wet or slimy. but liked uncooked carrots or mange tout as they were crunchy, when he ate at anyone's my sil would ask for plain pasta for him. he wouldn't eat pizza cost of the sauce. But he adored cheese , milk etc so he was usually happiest with a cheese sandwich and a class of milk, it was a really odd Christmas dinner the year I hosted them, but only one put out was my sil . I suggest you just focus on what individual ingredients he likes, and don't worry so much if they are put together in a meal that you would like.