No, keep calm all you free thinking, lovely tolerant people this is not a homophobic thread. Having just flipped through Hugh Fearnly Whittingstall's 'Meat' book I thought I would be brave and use up the offal that has been taking up precious space in the bottom of my freezer.
So, faggots, it had to be the perfect recipe to use up, pigs heart, liver, tongue, cheeks, get rid of it all in one, 'delicious' meal. How thrifty and self righteous did I feel, embracing the nose to tail eating philosophy? Very I can tell you.
It's a good few hours since I removed sinew from a pigs heart and liver, peeled the skin from it's tongue and hacked the cheeks from the head. I had to keep a plastic bag over it so I couldn't see it's pretty eyelashes as I butchered it.
The predominate feeling now? Pride in my accomplishment? No, nausea!
The first stage was quite tricky, but I soldiered on mincing all the offal with a bit of bacon and sausage meat, adding herbs, spices and oat meal and rolling them into balls and popping them into the oven. The whole procedure was carried out with a look of horror/disgust on my face, which comes back every time I think about them. And even once they had been cooked they still had the same smell.
Hugh's says, 'Good faggots are a wonderful thing', but I don't think I can even bring myself to taste them, I'm going to attempt to hide my disgust and serve them up as delicious meat balls to the rest of the family and hope they don't notice there are none on my plate.
So I came on here to ask, what are your offaly successes or disasters, but I'm not sure that I want to know, I feel too traumatised by the whole experience to stomach any more. I don't think I'll be able to cook or eat meat again after that, the smell, the texture, the hacking...Help!