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Christmas dinner disasters

(69 Posts)
piebald Sat 08-Dec-12 08:08:02

Come on weve all had them-in fact my christmas feast always seems a little dull without them
My favourite was the year i cooked the turkey upside down and didnt read the rest of the recipe that said-"for the first 20 minutes" 3 and 1/2 hours later it looked as though a steamroller had gone over it! No ceremonial carving that year we had to hack it up in the kitchen and send it out like school dinners

brighthair Sun 09-Dec-12 01:26:19

Not really a disaster but every year my mum cooks the sprouts and forgets to put them on the table. It's now a bizarre tradition that we have to cook some sprouts and not serve them grin

recall Sun 09-Dec-12 01:32:47

My poor Mum's oven broke one year, on one side. We had a glass of wine. Husband and Dad returned from the pub to find us pissed and a the Turkey cooked one one side. My husband was great, and did a bit of nifty microwaving and managed to salvage it.

Selks Sun 09-Dec-12 01:35:34

Last year I rather enthusiastically applied warmed brandy to the christmas pud at the dinner table. Lit a match and the whole thing burst into blue flames as did Granny's paper napkin that was resting too close to the pud; this then set fire to the paper (classy, me grin) table cloth! Cue everyone leaping up in panic and DD chucking a glass of water over the pudding and now rather burnt table cloth and generally everywhere. We gave up on the now sodden dinner table and poor pudding at that point and retired to the sofa with the Baileys!! grin

recall Sun 09-Dec-12 01:36:44

and my mate's Mum decided to defrost the Turkey in the washing machine to save on space in the kitchen, and forgot and put the dog's bed in on top of it and washed it on a full cycle. Apparently they still cooked and ate it shock

Selks Sun 09-Dec-12 01:39:49

Lol @ Nivet's Mum and the sawn turkey! grin

Selks Sun 09-Dec-12 01:40:52

Noooo Recall that is too funny!! Crying here! grin grin grin

Tragedies Sun 09-Dec-12 01:49:20

OK recall you win. I'm crying! I have heard of salmon in the dishwasher, but turkey in the washing machine...

CointreauVersial Sun 09-Dec-12 02:02:45

One year my mum, having heard a suggestion from some chef on the radio, decided to stuff the turkey under the skin (apparently it makes the breast very moist). It was all very technical, involving pushing up the skin with an upside-down teaspoon and easing the stuffing in.

All went well for the first hour or so of cooking, then suddenly there was an almighty bang from the oven. The turkey had exploded.

By the time it reached the table it looked as if it had been strafed with machine-gun fire. Most of the poor bird was plastered all over the oven interior. But the small amount of breast meat that survived was indeed very moist.

piebald Sun 09-Dec-12 09:42:56

These are great-love the washing machine one and the moist turkey breast and the turkey the size of an alsation

piebald Sun 09-Dec-12 09:44:35

Oh and dont make breadsauce with brown crumbs, it turns into glue

toomuchturkeyatendofthedinner Sun 09-Dec-12 12:47:31

Tears rolling down face at nivets mum sawing the turkey!! grin

Nivet Sun 09-Dec-12 14:33:45

grin Thank you. My Mum was a comedy genius. I miss her.

TessGoesDirectToBethlehem Sun 09-Dec-12 14:36:58

MIL accidently left the oven door slightly open when we all went to the pub.

We returned to find the turkey half cooked and the oven knobs melted grin

kiwigirl42 Sun 09-Dec-12 15:50:02

first Xmas with DS, 2 wks old. Everyone had flu so we had to stay at home at last minute. No food in as we had thought we were going away. So ended up eating cheese sandwiches, baby on lap, bawling my eyes out. Worst Xmas day ever. Things could only get better after that you'd think? DF decided to die at 1pm on Xmas day 6 yrs ago. He was lovely but a belligerent old Scotsman so it would have made him laugh to know that every year as I put the turkey on the table I'm thinking of him. Old bugger he was.

MrsMiniversCharlady Sun 09-Dec-12 15:57:44

My MIL always cooks the turkey the day before because apparently it 'goes further' if you carve it when cold confused She doesn't reheat it either so you have a plate full of hot vegetables, roast potatoes etc alongside some stone cold turkey hmm Very odd.

And we eat xmas dinner from trays balanced on our knees in front of the TV. Maybe I'm a snob, but I do find it a bit miserable and un-festive sad

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 09-Dec-12 16:06:05

Do I have my MIL minivers ? Cold dry turkey with hot veg and
Potatoes is very familiar grin

Dromedary Sun 09-Dec-12 16:08:54

DM wasn't a great cook. Memories of turkey still frozen solid when it was taken out of the oven, and having to stick little bits of it under the grill.

MrsMiniversCharlady Sun 09-Dec-12 16:10:39

I don't know caffeine - does yours also cook with the back door open so we all have to sit huddled by the gas fire in our coats while we're waiting?

zinaida Sun 09-Dec-12 16:17:16

Couple of years ago it was just me and mum for christmas. I asked her several times if there was anything she specially wanted to eat she said no. 7pm on christmad eve 'we ARE having trifle arenakt we?,' Apparently its not Christmas without trifle, so I cobbled together something trifle-like, making my own custard - which I realised had gone badly wrong when I poured it over the sponges and they all bobbed to the surface.

And there were no chickens left, we had to have crispy duck with pancakes.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Sun 09-Dec-12 16:30:14

The back door is always open as everyone just drops by and pops in smile but I don't recall a fire grin

CaroleService Sun 09-Dec-12 16:53:27

The year of Mouldiegate - Xmas nearly didn't happen as I gawped over the x billion posts.

sweetkitty Sun 09-Dec-12 17:01:19

Some of our Christmas dinners growing up my Mother is a terrible cook, Birds Eye Roast beef microwave roast dinners. Or silverside of beef that she would utterly cremate until it was like an old leather belt. Veg was peas and carrots out a tin (years later when I served her carrot batons she asked if I bought them like that, she couldn't comprehend buying carrots and cutting them up), roast potatoes were boiled potatoes thrown in the deep fat fryer for a few minutes. And some Viennetta for pudding.

kiwigirl42 Sun 09-Dec-12 17:22:02


DoesntTurkeyNSproutSoupDragOn Sun 09-Dec-12 17:39:11

And Lo! A fun thread is ruined.

hattymattie Sun 09-Dec-12 18:23:22

Can we move this thread to chat - it would get more responses.

Mouldiegate - also a mystery to me but enjoying the dinner stories.

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